


Passerbys In The Twilight

by Leaf



Category: Sailor Moon - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 21:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 90,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/614725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leaf/pseuds/Leaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Haruka needed was a way to earn money, when she left her home, but she had never imagined to be working in a multinational company and certainly not disguised as a man.<br/>This is sort of an AU as in none of the other characters from Sailor Moon appear nor do Michiru and Haruka have senshi powers, they're just two people living a more or less normal life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

* * *

  
_I was stained, with a role, in a day not my own_   
_But as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown_   
_And I always knew, what was right I just didn't know that I might_   
_Peel away and choose to see with such a different sight_   


  
_And I will never see the sky the same way and_   
_I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and I_   
_Will never cease to fly if held down and_   
_I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen, twilight_   


* * *

At first there was nothing. Nothing except pitch black. A darkness which was neither war nor cold; it was just there and I within. If the darkness was surrounding me or if it was only behind my eyes I couldn't tell. Were my eyes even open? I didn't know. My body wasn't there, at least I couldn't feel it. Legs, arms, hands, head; I knew they should have been there, because they belonged to me, yet they didn't give any feedback information. I merely existed on the base I knew that I existed, cast out in a sea of darkness.

Time. I remembered that such a thing subsisted, it was non-transcending, but in that blackness there was none. The only thing I had were thoughts. Though even they were tangible. Misty, unclear streams of incoherency. Inside my mind those thoughts should have been clear, but they were all blurry, one moving into another, like a seashell in the sand just below the surface of the ocean, is being dragged out into the waters a little more with each wave every time one reaches for it. And some thought were just flashes, gone before I had a chance to recognize them. Yet they were the only prove to mark a change in the invariably darkness.

They carried on. I carried on existing with them.

Then, after I don't know how much time, as there was no time to tell for me, a sound kept prodding itself into my up to now seemingly deaf ears. Ears I still didn't know if they existed, but nevertheless I heard a sonic again finally. The sound was shortly and unmelodic, but it repeated itself with a steady monotone rhythm. Slowly its volume increased, as if I was diving up from the depths of a sea back towards the surface. Each short beep was a bit louder than the former and with the level of sound the darkness, too, seemed to lift itself a little. It faded from pitch black to a dark grey, the one business suits are held in. Shortly I wondered how I came to make up a comparison with business suits, but the thought quickly vanished again when the dark grey faded now in to a light grey, reminding me of a cat's fur now, and becoming lighter still.

Finally it was gone reversed into its opposite; white. Directly in front of me was sharp, almost blinding light, painful to my eyes, which were unaccustomed to the sudden brightness. Yet I felt relief at the light's piercing intensity. It made me feel, I had my eyes back and, guessing from the heaviness attaching itself to me, my body too was redonned to my existence. The effect of gravity bringing back the idea of actual weight to my limbs.

One of my hands, I slowly came to notice, felt heavier than the other. My brain the hand to move itself to get rid of the unwanted extra weight that buried it. However, my hand remained plainly ignorant to the command. Being denied the support of my hand, I tried to rely on my neck then, but it, too, refused to move, only leaving me with a dull throbbing at the back of my head. Obviously the connection from my head to the rest my corpus was still missing, I would have to content myself with the fact, that I had them, though useless at the moment, back. Unable to move my limbs, I retreated to my eyes, averting them from the white light above to the side, towards where I guessed my hand to be. I didn't get my hand into my vision, though I could see a blurred figure to my right. As the shadow moved into my sight a different sound pervaded the monotone beeping. The beeping I had almost ceased to register. Now, syllables slowly reached my ears.

"… ru… ka."

What was that supposed to mean?

Briefly I had time to wonder. Then, without a warning, the darkness swelled up again to engulf me once more.


	2. Chapter 1

* * *

  
__It's been a hard days night, and I've been working like a dog,__  
It's been a hard days night, I should be sleeping like a log.  
But when I go up to you, I find I'm in for something new.

* * *

Done.

Now Coffee.

With a yawn I pushed my chair back and stood up, stretching my arms and back. Hiroshi looked up and gave me a fatigue grin. "Already done, Tenou?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm going for a cup of coffee now. Want one as well?"

"That would be nice." He looked eased at the prospect of a hot steaming cup of our black life essential. "Maybe it helps me track back where the money went to."

I nodded. "I swear, if they don't back up their databases, I'll give them a word." I growled. "A whole day lost just for reconstructing the expenses."

It wasn't known who of those idiots was responsible, but I guessed the board was already having the issue investigated. When they were finished somebody was quite sure to get sacked. Still, that held no comfort for Hiroshi or me. Actually we should have been programming a new communication-program to sell to big companies for inner-corporal communication, like the rest of our section, as the launch was set in two months. But now, we were a whole day behind our schedule. One day lost because some idiot had, well I can't really say what he or she did, but it effectively deleted the expense files of the pager section. My guess would be a short in the network. It would explain why the data was lost on all their accountancy computers. Anyway, it was quite an effort, even for Hiroshi and me, to gather them all in a day, and I am bit proud of myself that I managed it.

The coffee machine was down the hall. I tossed a coin in and selected my espresso as usual. The machine sprang to life. A plastic cup dropped down and the low whirring indicated the brewing had started. Once my cup was filled I repeated the procedure, this time selecting normal black coffee, like Hiroshi used to drink. While my wait I heard a low but shrill feminine voice.

For a moment I thought to ignore it but curiosity got the better of me. Resting my espresso on top of the machine, I silently walked round the corner towards that voice.

Around the corner I saw the source where it came from; the exit to the fire stairs was ajar. From inside the stairway the feminine voice was coming, low as if not wanting to be overheard, but with a clearly agitated undertone. As I sneaked closer bits of the conversation got to my ear.

"You can't do this, no way; it has been set three weeks ago already!"

Silence.

"Don't give me that line again!"

Silence again.

It sounded like a phone conversation.

"What do you mean you're already at the airport?!" The voice tried with little success to combine keeping the tone low and yelling, the outcome being a high pitched sound close to shrieking. Carefully not to be noticed in any way I peeked through the opening to be taken aback.

Kaiou-san was standing in there, pacing up and down, her cell phone pressed to her ear.

_Damnit! Full speed ahead backwards._

I retreated as quickly as possible without making any noise to notify her of my presence. Just when I was about to turn round the corner I heard another sentence, not kept quiet this time but obviously yelled in anger into the phone.

"You are such an undependable person!" A sound like a stomping foot succeeded this exclamation and I quickly grasped my two cups of coffee to get away. Bad enough I couldn't control myself from peeping, but if I was caught eavesdropping the boss I'd be in a hell of trouble.

Back in our office Hiroshi greeted me with a slightly annoyed look. "What took you so long Tenou? Did you fetch the coffee fresh from Arabia?" he mocked.

I placed the cup vacantly on his desk and just mumbled something about being caught in a talk, which was, at least partly, true.

"Whatever." Hiroshi said and took the coffee up, inhaling the scent. "I feel my life spirits return."

I paid no reply to him and sat down, hiding my face behind the monitor of my computer. Idly I pushed some keys without doing anything really profitable and my mind kept drifting back to the phone conversation I had just overheard. The part of the lost data I had been assigned to restore was done and no other pressing matters lay at hand for the day. None of the letters I had to write, or accounts I had to do could not wait until tomorrow.

I had not met the boss very often since I had started to work at KaiouKom but from the rare occasions I had seen her she had always depicted the image of refined, composed and intelligent lady. The sort of daughter my father would have liked me to be.

The only time I had actually met her in person, as I came to think now, had been at my interview a few months prior. When I had seen her in the office I had thought her a secretary to the old man. Though I had slightly wondered why she hadn't taken any notes as Kaiou-san, senior, had started to question me. Even more surprised I had been, when he introduced the woman to me afterwards as his daughter and future director of KaiouKom, so to speak my new boss.

Honestly I had doubted that she would make a capable director. Sure, she was highly intelligent and definitely well-trained, but as I had said her appereance was delicate, a lady that you would expect to do something artistic rather than leading a telecommunication company. I had wondered if a woman like her would be able to assert herself and stand up to the supervisory board. I guess it all went smoothly as long as daddy had been in the office watching over his girl; of course that wasn't a guarantee to what would happen once the senior director had retired.

However up to now she had proved herself well. Not that I could have given long comments on the business of the company, but there hadn't been any quarrels or newly appointed employees and certainly no retracements in the turnovers. If there had been some troubles they had been well hidden behind the curtain, on a stage normal employees were not allowed.

Anyway, from what I knew of her manner of appearance combined with my own breeding, she wasn't one to display anger or any kind of tumultuous emotions in public, hence why she hid in the fire stairway. First I wondered what could have upset her so much that she left her office for nobody to hear her conversation and second I fretted about what would happen if she had noticed me in the end.

Somehow I must have emptied my coffee automatically over my mulling, because when I reached for it and held it to my lips only a few brown droplets were left on the bottom. My attempt to get at least one letter done proved itself rather futile eventually disturbed by a knock on the door, that both, me and Hiroshi looking up. At our affirmation entered a woman, about thirty, Taneguchi-san, the director's secretary.

I saw Hiroshi's face indicate surprise bat her visit and surely my face had mirrored his. Taneguchi took no notice whatsoever, she simply looked straight into my eyes and said "Tenou-san, Kaiou-san requires to see you. If you'd please follow me to her office."

For am moment my train of coherent thought was adjourned and I only could think _'shit, she had noticed and recognized me!'_ After the fraction of a second I had regained my composure and flashed her one of my best polite smiles.

"But of course." I said and got up.

Hiroshi used the time to interject. "Oi, Tenou, what have you done to get called to the director. Caused some trouble?"

Though I knew he was only joking like he always did, I gulped. After all he had hit the spot right away. My features didn't waver. "You'd like to see that but I tell you, I'm surely getting promoted" I said grinning back at him. Then I exited the room in tow to Taneguchi, following her through the corridor and up the elevator up to the door of Kaiou-san's office. She herself took her seat at the desk in the anteroom and pressed a button on the intercom on her desk.

"Tenou-san is here."

Apparently given a positive reply Taneguchi nodded to me, telling me silently to enter. Ignoring the sweaty feeling as my hand attached itself to the handle, I took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

I hadn't been in the head office yet, though it didn't surprise me much. Like all the "big boss"-offices it was on one of the top floors, looking down on the city through the vitrified wall behind the large desk, lavishly spacious and endowed with expensive furniture. Quite similar to the one my father spent his days in.

Kaiou-san sat her desk looking reading some papers, though when the door fell in its lock with a faint click she looked up at me.

"Tenou-san" she said and nodded "I'll be finished here in a moment, please take a seat." Then her head bent down over the paper again.

I settled myself in one of the white leather armchairs left to the door. Her voice just now had been even and polite, no hint of the earlier annoyance. Although that didn't have to mean a thing, whether she had sent for me to reprimand me or not. Kaiou Michiru certainly would never yell at people as soon as they entered the room. However the fact that she hadn't received me with a cold glare and an icy voice had at least unknoted one of the many loops my stomach had formed since Taneguchi had called. Not that I wasn't anxious anymore, but the wait gave my confidence time to build up again.

I could simply deny everything. If she did have seen me, she only had so from behind. I could just say it was another man but me. Surely there was some guy my age in this building with sandy blonde hair and my figure. Can't be too hard.

While I developed my strategy I took a look around the room. There were two white leather armchairs, similar to the one I sat on and a matching couch against the wall and all four items were placed round a square glass table where a water can stood for the visitors. Apart from a vitreous cabinet on the opposite wall this suite and the large desk were the only furniture in the room. A few paintings of typical Japanese landscapes graced the walls, nothing more. While I had to admit that the room was tastefully arranged instead of showing off with poshy junk, it lacked a personal note. Nothing of what I saw in here would I have connected with the image of the young woman working here.

When I noticed her coming over, I brushed those thoughts aside. Probably she just took the room over like her father had left it. Furtively I wiped my sweating hands dry on my thighs. She came to a halt a metre away from me, asking if I would like some tea. I declined wondering where this was going to lead. Either she was going to use the more stealthy weapons women handle virtuous as I knew from my high school days, or I was here for a totally different purpose exceeding my knowledge. She choose the chair opposite me, eyeing me a moment before she instituted the conversation.

"I apologize for the inconvenience of requesting you here, Tenou-san." She began.

"It was no trouble at all, I had already finished up the urgent assignments" I hurried to say, not to displease her in any way. As long as I didn't know on what territory this conversation was leading me, I would keep my guard up and step out deliberately.

"It's good to hear, since I called you for a rather urgent matter" she paused for a moment and I waited for her to continue with a small polite smile. "A little unpleasantness arose this afternoon, a rather irksome one, I must say."

Her voice still gave no hint as to what she was thinking about the irksome unpleasantness, but I was determined not go into whatever trap she might have set up behind that pleasant, calm features of hers. Therefore I only sat there, looking attentive and polite, all the while saying nothing. Maybe she expected me to say something at this point, but as I didn't, she went on.

"Well you see, a friend of mine was unfortunately called to leave the country due to some problems with a branch of his company and thus he won't be able to come to a party this evening."

_Now we're getting to the point. Didn't sound like he was leaving for business troubles when you shouted at him over the phone._

At least, now I knew why she had been angry at whoever he was. I wouldn't let myself get trapped without wiggling, so, though my hand grew a little damp again, I remained a blank expression.

"I don't see where I come into the picture, Kaiou-san." I said in a voice matching hers.

Miss Kaiou locked her eyes with mine, I guess she was trying to read my face. The silence stretched on as I waited for a reply of hers and she was still scrutinizing me, not breaking the eye contact.

"Tenou-san, would you mind accompanying me to the party tonight? " She finally asked.

I barely avoided the face fault of relief my features were tempted to do at her question, though I couldn't restrain myself from exhaling a breath I had been holding during her examination of me. Really, I had been expecting to either be asked to sign some kind of contract not to tell anyone about the overheard phone conversation or to get a sharp reprimand and a threat to be dismissed. An invitation to a dinner party was quite the opposite.

She was still looking at me, expectantly.

"If I may be so curious to ask; why me?" I said, to give myself time to ponder the proposition. Of course, I was really curious as well. I mean, there were about one hundred and fifty persons working here in this building and more than half of them were male. Why should she ask me, out of all?

"You are the latest employee that joined our company around my age, I simply remembered you first, Tenou-san." Now she was smiling politely again. "My actual companion, as I said, had to leave for urgent business and I thought you might be willing to accompany me instead."

I'd gladly say yes, but somehow I didn't feel like I had the right to. Playing a man in the office was a one thing but pretending to be a male on a formal occasion was a different one. I still must have looked sceptical because Kaiou added: "It's not as formal as it might sound, just a get-together of other Tokyo business people with some drinks, light finger food and talk to."

Well, if it's nothing more; what did I have to loose? I nodded. "Fine, when and where shall I pick you up, Kaiou-san?"

"Thank you very much for helping me out, Tenou-san. I'll get there on my own. Just be at this address at 8 p.m."

She handed me a note and stood up, signalising that our little conversation was over. I promptly stood up, too, and took the note. I waited for a moment but when she said nothing else I went over to the door. Just before I reached out for the door, her voice rang up from behind again. "And please wear a suit."

I looked back at her. "Of course, anything special about the suit?" Just in case, I had to ask. I knew from my teenage years at home what curious dress codes parties among the rich and cultured people, as they saw themselves, had. For example I still remembered clearly a party of my parents when I had been thirteen: The motto of it was "the Seventies" and the guests were forty years and up. Let's just say I had been kind of traumatized afterwards.

"My dress will be black."

That was all she said. And then she sat down behind her desk resuming her work.

No elaboration or anything. I'm not the greatest genius about dress codes, but my limited left-over-knowledge about fashion from high-school told me my suit should be matching. Real men should be pitied. They get to hear such sentences without ever having heard their friends discuss the latest style-magazines. I wonder how they puzzle out those cryptic hints. Maybe not at all. Maybe they just learn from their previous failures.

Outside Kaiou-san's bureau I checked my watch. Half past four. That left me with three and a half hour to get a suit, prepare myself and get to the address on the paper.

Taneguchi had been watching me out of the corner of her eye the moment my sleeve could be seen in the doorway. A small grin crept on my lips about the ever faithful watchdog. I nodded to her on my way past her desk, though she acted as if she didn't notice me at all, busily typing away.

The important work for the day had been done, therefore I decided it would be alright for me to leave right away, in order to get ready. Before I could leave though, I had to answer Hiroshi's questions about my meeting with Ms. Kaiou. Whoever said men were not curious hadn't known Hiroshi, his questions surely were prying. "What did she call you for, Tenou?" He waited for a reply, but I didn't give him one and kept packing my things together.

"You didn't get fired, now, did you? Why do you pack your stuff?"

Still I ignored him. What could I have told him? I didn't want to shout it from the rooftop that I was sort of going out with the boss and a distinct feeling told me Kaiou-san wouldn't want it either. Sadly my mind didn't come up with a witty answer.

"She just thanked me for the database I restored today and said I could take the rest of my shift off." I said, quiet lamely so.

Hiroshi looked at me unbelievingly. "You've got to be kidding. The big boss wouldn't call you to her office for a simple 'Thank you'!"

I shrugged. "Don't know. Maybe it was a bigger thing than we thought it was. Anyways, see you tomorrow."

He still stared puzzled at me. "Well, then I'd better be getting my share finished soon too. I really wanna go home."

I grinned, waved him goodbye and left.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter that never got a song.  
> At first I didn't find one that felt as if it fit, I hoped reader's might suggest one but it never happened and now, a few years after I first wrote this it still has no song and shall remain thus.

On my drive back home my mind granted itself the leisure of musing over the past. If somebody would have told me four months prior, that I would soon be going out with the boss of KaiouKom, I would have laughed them in the face. I chuckled at the thought. Sometimes it was really funny how things in life turned out.

My decision to live in Tokyo was a rather rushed one. Not that I would have admitted it back then, but now when I look at it from a little distance, I know it was. I could have been far worse off. My greatest luck, however, was that I've already had a place to live. When I had started to study at the Todai, my father had insisted on buying me an apartment in the city. I argued that I could live on the campus itself, or rent a flat near the campus and share with a friend, but father said such a thing wouldn't do for the heiress a wealthy family like ours. Of course he couldn't just buy any apartment either. My new residence turned out to be an enormous spacey apartment, which covered a whole floor, the 17th floor of a building in Setagaya. I thought it a total exaggeration, though when I decided to stay in Tokyo after my studies, I was extremely glad; for my father not only had bought the place, but also transcribed it to me. Hence I didn't have to worry over paying the rent, nor over father reclaiming his property.

Such a comfortable lodging kept a lot of problem off my back, still, sooner or later, I had to find myself a job, not least because I had spent quite a sum of my savings for a new car. I couldn't help it though. It had been love at first sight, a toned body of midnight blue, wonderfully subtle curves, silver blinking rims and cosy beige leather seats; they all emitted sensuality and a wonderful feeling on the road. Motor things had long been a passion of mine. I didn't think twice on buying the car.

As I said I needed to earn my living though, so I started to send out applications to various companies. Not that had really cared what kind of job. With the telephone book of Tokyo on my lap, I had read down the lines of corporations, who could do with a computer scientist and marked the ones that sounded interesting to me. Certainly, I could have also applied as a mechanic, I had the right touch for such things, but I was suspicious about turning a hobby into an actual job. I was afraid to lose joy for this. I had studied computer science, so why should it not become my profession. Besides, I admit, another reason was the fact that a job as a computer scientist would surely be less exhausting and better paid.

By the time KaiouKom had sent me an invitation to an interview, I had already been through a couple of other corporations and none of my liking.

My first interview had been a catastrophe. The alarm clock hadn't rung for ominous reasons, so I had woken up too late. Skipping breakfast and only jumping in the shower for a minute, I had rushed to my car. If I had been lucky I could have managed the way in a quarter of an hour and I'd only be ten minutes late. Of course the traffic wouldn't be helpful at all on such day. After crawling through the crowded roads of Tokyo, I had breathlessly reached the interview room an hour late. It turned out, though, that all interviews that day had been cancelled as the interviewer had broken his leg this very morning and nobody could fill in for him on short-term. I had returned home, quite frustrated, jut to find a message on the answering machine telling me my interview had been cancelled. It had been left there, about five minutes after I had left my apartment.

I think, I had kicked a random wall then, had gone to my study, had taken up the letter and had ripped it into little pieces. Then I had crossed out the corporation's name on my list.

As I had said, by the time I went to KaiouKom, some more names on my list had been crossed out black. In one company I hadn't liked the boss, in another I almost got into a fight with one of the colleagues I was introduced to and then there was one where I had almost wanted to accept the job. But then the interviewer introduced a man passing us in the corridor to me. It had been the boss himself and he had resembled my father so strongly that I couldn't bear the prospect of working every day under him.

This time the alarm clock didn't let me down, I had time enough to enjoy a hot shower and afterwards a cup of coffee. Still everything couldn't go smoothly. As I dug through my wardrobe for a respectable outfit I found out that my choice was quite limited. I had forgotten to send my clothes to the laundry that week, which meant I had to pick out an outfit out of the few clean clothes left in my wardrobe. In the end I settled for a blue chemise, black trousers and to polish it up a bit the anthracite tie Asami had once given me just for fun. Vested such, I felt ready to go to my next interview.

The building of KaiouKom was impressing, even for Tokyo standards. On the outside it looked pretty much like every other skyscraper in the city, though the interior was exceptional. The lobby was lined with black marble and on the right side there was a gravel garden with a complicated pattern. A few men sat around the garden on the white stone benches, who where a sharp contrast to the black walls and the black floor. Taken slightly aback by the lobby I just stood in the doorway for a moment, trying to process everything I saw. When my initial surprise had subsided I went over to left side, where the information desk, also made of black marble, was. After hearing my name, the girl behind the desk dialled a number and told somebody to come down and fetch me, then she asked me to take a seat on a with couch next to the information desk and wait.

I did as I was told and a few minutes later the elevator doors opened and a young man came out. As soon as he had seen me, he came over and bowed. The boy introduced himself as Yuto Yamagi and told me he was to bring me to the boss. Briefly I wondered why the boss himself should do a simple job interview, but the boy immediately led me into the elevator. He tried to be nice I guess, because he tried to do some conversation telling me he worked here half of the week as a kind of handyman to pay for his studies, but I was not very talkative.

I ended up in a smaller office, clearly not the head office. Contrary to the lobby which had emanated a refined taste, the room clearly screamed out that its designer had strained himself in the effort to create a relaxed atmosphere for relaxed conversations but hadn't known how to do it. The furniture was an assembly of four simple green cushioned chairs grouped round a glass table seeming very dry, but the walls were decorated with pop art prints in flamboyant colours. However, I hadn't come to comment on the interior design, but to talk with the elderly man sitting in one of the chairs.

"Tenou Haruka-san?" he asked when I had entered and I bowed and affirmed. He gestured towards one of the remaining chairs and then stared down onto some papers he had in his hand, my CV amongst them I assumed. While I waited for him to address me, suddenly a side door opened and a young woman walked in and wordlessly took the seat next to Kaiou-san. I studied her a bit. On the first look she was stunning. She had gentle, elegant features and a figure other women would kill for. The most extraordinary about her, though, was her hair. It had an indefinable colour, somewhere between blue and green, it was slightly curled, reaching down to her shoulders. It reminded me of the ocean. And just like the sea, it seemed to flow when the sunlight through the windows shone on it. Briefly I wondered why a beauty like her was an ordinary secretary and not a model, but then Kaiou-san looked up and the interview began.

As expected he asked me a lot of questions; what high school had I been to, what university I had studied at, which degree I had gotten and what working experiences I had already collected. In short he asked me those things he could have read in my CV as well, but I knew by now, that interviewers tended to handle the conversation that way. Maybe they wanted to prove if one had given false information. Though, even if I had given him a faked CV by now, I would have known it by heart. The last thing he wanted to know in this first round, as I called it, was why I had chosen his company. I gave him the same answer I had given his predecessors; that I had applied because the corporations reputation had attracted me. When he seemed satisfied with my answers, Kaiou-san put the top sheet down and looked at me a little friendlier than he had done so far. A gesture I replied. I never had been of the shy kind and if he wanted to play nice old man now I would go along. Shortly I glanced to the secretary, but she just sat, in the same way as in the beginning of the interview. She hadn't taken any notes down so far and her face was still rather collected.

My conversation with Kaiou-san now turned a bit more privately. He had looked at my address and asked me how I came to have an apartment in Setagaya if this was to be my first job. I explained that it had been a parting gift from my parents for when I moved out to study in Tokyo. At this he grew interested in my parents, if the could just buy such an expensive apartment. But I wasn't up to tell him more of my family background, now that I had left them behind. So I only said that my family lived in Nagoya and when I had decided to live on my own now they thought it safer for my future to give me an apartment than to entrust me with a lot of money. It was only partly true, because my father had expected me to come back to Nagoya so that he could lease the rooms, but that wasn't my problem. My boss-to-be however seemed to like my reply well enough. Yet the next question he posed, had scared me deeply, and therefore I still remember it very well.

"So you have grown up in Nagoya, Tenou-san" he said thoughtfully. "You don't happen to be related to Tenou Katsuya, do you?"

I must have looked puzzled at this question for he added. "The owner of that famous furniture selling company."

I was puzzled, but not as Kaiou-san thought, because I didn't know who Tenou Katsuya was, but because I had been taken by surprise by his question. I certainly wasn't going to him that Katsuya was my father. The thought that he might connect my last name and Nagoya to our company should have occurred me sooner, but now it was too late. I had to act quickly, or else he might get suspicious, so I settled for a blatant lie.

"Yes, I know whom you're talking about now, but I must negate. We are not related in any way." It was one of my favours that I was able to lie in the calmest voice and without becoming fidgety or flushed. And it came in handy now, for he believed me without a doubt and moved on with our conversation. His secretary still hadn't taken down any notes and I started to wonder why she was here in the first place if she didn't do anything.

The next question he posed, however, really overthrew me. "Now we've talked long enough about your family. How about you Tenou-san, do you have a family of you own already? Or do you have a fiancé?"

My face didn't let me down, but I realized quite shocked, that he had mistaken me for a man. I knew that I wasn't the epitome of a classical beauty and I also wore my hair rather short these days, but I had never imagined I could be taken for a man.

"No need to be so shy, I didn't want to intrude in your privacy." Kaiou-san said laughing, thinking he had made me shy instead of shocked.

I my head, my thoughts ran a mile in a second what I should do now. In the end I had only two options: I could clear up the whole thing and tell him I was actually a woman or play along and pretend to be a man.

_A man doesn't need supervision. He is able to do as he pleases and everybody trusts him nevertheless, when he's thought capable._

I had already lied once in this conversation, another lie couldn't make it much worse I decided. "I don't have a fiancé yet. I thought it better to wait until I have a steady income before starting my own family."

After my answer, I held my breath. Kaiou-san stood up and put his hand forth. "Tenou-san I think I like your considerate manner. Welcome to KaiouKom."

I happily stood up too, and took his hand. It had really worked out. "Thank you very much." One might think, that I had had enough surprises for own day, but I was still in for another, because now the secretary rose as well. Instead of leaving as I had expected her to do, she just stood there and Kaiou-san smiled first at her, then at me.

"Tenou-san I would like you to introduce you to your future boss, my daughter Kaiou Michiru. She will take the company over officially when I retire at the beginning of May."

I couldn't believe it. She was his daughter. Now I knew why she hadn't taken any notes down or anything else, she had simply been watching and learning how to handle unknown people. "Pleased to meet you. I hope you will be satisfied with my work." I said as I shook her hand.

"Pleased to make you're acquaintance, Tenou-san. I'm sure KaiouKom shall benefit from your efforts." It was the first time she had spoken since she had entered the room, and her voice had been as beautiful as the rest of her appearance. Her tone was even and calm, yet sweet and melodic at the same time, a bit like a harp. Once again I thought that she had the air of a perfect work of art, rather than a business lady.

"Well then, Tenou-san, we expect you here next Monday at eight." Her father said and with that the interview was over. I left the building satisfied to have gotten the job but, confused and anxious at what I had gotten myself into by playing along in being male.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics: Razzle Dazzle from the musical 'Chicago'

* * *

  
_Give 'em the old razzle dazzle_   
_Razzle Dazzle 'em_   
_Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it_   
_And the reaction will be passionate_   
_Give 'em the old hocus pocus_   
_Bead and feather 'em_   
_How can they see with sequins in their eyes?_   


* * *

While I was waiting for a traffic light to change, I remembered I had no real suit for such an occasion. Obviously it was time for a stop at Asami's once again. I already meant to turn on the indicator to drive straight over before I got the idea that it might be better to check if she was at home yet. Reaching for my mobile on the co-driver seat I found the damn thing dead. The traffic light finally changed and I drove on to my own apartment.

As soon as I got home I called Asami.

"Hanoda speaking" it came over the line after the tenth ring.

"Asami-chan! Finally! I already feared you weren't at home." I exclaimed when I finally heard the anticipated voice. From the other end of the line my greeting answered with a groan.

"Haru-chan." She sounded not very pleased. "I've been in the shower. Don't tell me you're calling because you need something."

"Okay, then I'll just hang up again." I replied. I didn't hang up though. I knew I would get her with that line, else Asami would spend the rest of the day mulling over the thought what I could have wanted. All these years she never once left me hanging in the air, she was just too good to do so.

An annoyed sigh blew at my ear. "Fine Haruka, what do you want?" she asked. "But this better be important and quick because I have a date tonight."

"What a coincidence!" I couldn't help but do a Chesire-cat grin although she couldn't see it over the phone. "I've got a kind of date, too and I need a suit to go in."

"Why a suit, Haru-chan?" she asked puzzled. I knew I had her then, curiosity would get the better of her. "Dry your hair Asami, I'll tell you when I'm over." I looked on my watch. "Say in ten to fifteen minutes."

"What?!" she shouted "Wait a minute, when did I agree?"

"Oh, you did, just indirectly" I pointed out and hung up before she could launch another round of protests.

Exactly thirteen minutes later I rang at Asami's door. She opened and let me in with a curt greeting. Her hair was still tousled and half wet, limply hanging over her shoulders and she was only wearing tiny shorts and a tank top. I felt a bit like intruding for a second, which I guess was true, as I had left her little choice, but then again we were friends so it was somehow okay to me. I followed her into her bedroom and flopped down on the bed, while she continued blow-drying her hair.

"Why the hell do you need a suit for a date?" she started the inquiry as I didn't say anything.

"Well..." let I roll it from my tongue and stretched luxuriously while watching her curious expression in the mirror. I loved playing those little games with her from time to time, having her ask for it, then feeding her the information bit by bit. "My boss asked me to accompany her to a dinner party this evening." I gave her the first dainty.

"When did you start to hit on girls, Haruka? You never struck me like that type" She asked me jokingly. Apparently she took it for a jest.

Normally we would have continued like that for longer, with my grin growing all the wider and Asami getting all the more annoyed at my childish behaviour. Usually it would go on like that. But today I decided to end it here before I got into the game too much, for we both obviously didn't have that much time at hand and I needed to get some explaining done if I wanted a suit from her.

"It wasn't a joke, Asami." I said in a serious voice. „And I do not hit on her." It never crossed my mind to, but I can't blame Asami. For an outsider the sudden invitation must look like I had something going on.

"Look;" I said before my friend was going to insinuate God knows what. "It's only a matter of business. The guy she was actually going with has cancelled the event this afternoon and now Kaiou-san needs a man to show up with her. So she asked me to accompany her."

"Fine, but haven't been you forgetting something?" Asami tartly asked.

I knew what was about to come, so I didn't bother to reply. And Asami proved me right.

"You are not a man, Haruka." She pointed the redundant fact out.

I just huffed. "Listen, I told you several times they mistook me for man when I first showed up in their office."

"Yeah, and you never felt the need to clarify that little detail in all those months." Asami snarled.

I glared at her back. Why should I?" I have much more possibilities and liberties on how to handle my job as a man."

"But it's not right! You're lying to them!" She stamped her foot on the floor. It was quite a funny picture Asami was giving, clad in a baby blue top and skimpy shorts with a Barbie pink towel draped around her shoulders, the hairbrush dangling in her still half wet hair and below all was the constant humming of the blow-dryer. I would have laughed at the sheer comedy of the scene, but I was starting to get annoyed. Hadn't we held that conversation already? Two times, three times, several times?

"Come on Asami, Kaiou-san asked me for a simple favour and I agreed. Might give me some credit in the future."

She had her back to me again, blowing her hair. I saw in the mirror that she perched on eyebrow up at my sentence. "Don't give me that look. I can see you." I told her. "And now stop making such a fuss about it, other people do much worse things than going to a dinner party."

Asami seemed to be finished with her hair as she nestled it up in a loose bun. Before she started pacing the room in search of her outfit however she shot me clearly disapproving look. "That is no excuse for you." she flatly remarked.

She was really good at getting me angry, though I knew shouting would get me nowhere. Instead I resorted to being understanding. "Listen Asami, I'm sorry for showing up here at such short notice, but we already had that talk before and you promised to help me. So please give me a suit or a dinner jacket now. Then I'll leave and you can get ready for your date."

She had been buttoning her shirt and was about to put her skirt on next. Now she laid it aside and sat down on the bed beside me. Lightly stroking my short blond hair, she said, "Haru-chan", her voice much more calm now. "I'm just worried about you."

Instinctly I leaned against her warmth. "I know." I said. I should be grateful for a friend like Asami, who always had time for me, who cared so much about my well-being. "But I also know what I am doing, believe me."

For a moment we just sat there in silence without either of us moving. Then she suddenly got up her warmth disappearing from my side, leaving me to flop back down being deprived of my backup.

"What colour would you prefer?" Asami asked me while vanishing into the next room.

My face would have shown her a grateful smile if she had been here to see me. "Kaiou-san said her dress would be 'simply black'." I quoted. "Just give me something matching."

The noises of hangers being shuffled about came from the next room. After a minute Asami emerged again, presenting me black two-piece and a burgundy shirt with matching tie. I sat up and scrutinized the ensemble.

"What do you think, is it okay? Do you like it?" she asked and held the clothes out to me. Averting my gaze form the ensemble I beamed at her. Taking the clothes out of her hands and placing them on the bed, I hugged her fiercely. "It's perfect Asami! Thanks a lot!" I cried out and spun her around once. She smiled at my joyous outburst. As I set her down on the ground again she patted my head and giggled. "What would you ever do without me, Haru-chan?"

"Don't know, but since I do have you, it doesn't matter." I laughed back. Asami rolled her eyes.

"Fine, fine, but now get going, I really need to get ready now." she shoved me away and retrieved her skirt to dress. I picked up the clothes she had given me. Just about to open the door, I stopped once again and turned back to Asami. "Call me tomorrow." I said. "I wanna know how your date went." She grinned at me. "Same here, be sure I'll do." "Alright. Bye then." I waved to her but she didn't notice as she had her eyes already fixed on the stockings she was carefully rolling up her thighs. I left the bedroom, crossed the living room swiftly and exited the apartment.

Down on the street I stored the suit on the backseat of my car. It definitely had its point having your best friend in the fashion scene. At first I was sceptical if Asami would manage to build up her own clothes' store, but it had been her dream and she had put her every energy in it as well as a lot of money from her parents. Now it was running quite well and she had even designed some clothes herself and sold them. My plus was that Asami also always kept some new pieces at her apartment, to tinker with the cut or colours. Today that clearly saved my neck.

One and a half hour later I checked my appearance one last time in the mirror. Satisfied with my looks, I adjusted my tie a little, then picked up my keys, wallet, mobile, of course, and the note Kaiou-san had scribbled the address upon. The elevator quickly took me down to the underground garage and soon the growl of the engine resounded through the air, then my wheels whirled around, taking me off to the gallery in over in Koutou.

I was to meet up with her at the entrance. Kaiou-san had told me to come directly to the party, politely declining my offer to pick her up. Maybe, I mused while driving through the streets of Tokyo, she didn't want a subordinate she barely knew to know her address, so that I could not stalk her if she ever were to fire me. I grinned. As if I ever would do such a thing, I found my time far too precious to waste it on dwelling on the past. But whatever reasons she had, I didn't matter to me. Offering her a ride had simply been an act of courtesy to me and she was free to reject it. I regarded this evening as nothing but an elaboration of my role now. So I went to play my part.

Driving past the gallery in search for a parking spot, I shot a quick glance out of the window, to check if she was already waiting for me. She wasn't there yet. A bit of my nervousness faded, at least I wasn't late. I found a parking spot in a smaller side street five minutes away from the gallery. I checked my appearance in the rear-view mirror one last time, adjusted my tie and took a deep breath. Despite how cool and composed I might act, the truth was I was really nervous. It was one thing pretending to be a man in the company, were nobody regarded one another closely. When you did your work properly, nobody cared that much about your personality or your personal life. But at a party like this, it was all about seeing and, more important, being seen. It was more risky, but I had to admit more exciting. Maybe this was the reason I was actually doing it. I liked the felling thrill fluttering in my stomach, next to my fear, the temptation of trying how convincing I could play the imposter.

'You'll do fine.' I assured myself. 'Your chest is moderately flat beneath that shirt, you wear a perfect fitting suit, and look very handsome, no one will find out.'

I smirked at the thought of someone pointing at me and saying "It's a woman." I would laugh at it, if I wouldn't be there with my boss. If she found out the guy her father employed was a girl, it'd be pretty embarrassing to explain. "Nah, it won't happen." I said aloud, for no particular reason just before turning round the corner and into the street where the gallery was situated, twenty metres up the road. Now Kaiou-san was there, standing next to the entrance stairs, looking around. While I walked up to her, I took in her appearance which really was something to behold. Her dress, as she had said, was black. It had no glitter or frills to make it look extravagant, but it fitted her body perfectly, complementing her beautiful figure. The dress was fastened around her neck, showing a chastely framing her décolleté before smoothly flowing down over her hips and coming to a rest over on around her knees. Shortly my gaze wandered to her shoes. She wore matching black sandals, which slightly increased her height, without making her seem arrogant or intimidating. Her slender shoulders were left bare and her ocean blue locks caressed them whenever she turned her head left or right. I bet every man would at least turn his head after Kaiou Michiru once tonight. Then she caught sight of me. A small smile flickered up on her face, and I quickly walked up to her.

"I hope I haven't kept you waiting for long, Kaiou-san." I said politely, when I had almost reached her.

"No, not at all." She was still smiling. "I just arrived a few minutes ago."

I don't know why I did it then. Maybe I was just intoxicated by our "costumes"; I couldn't tell, but when I made the last step towards her, I gallantly took her hand, bent my head down, placing a light kiss on her white hand.

Looking up, I met Kaiou-san's surprised face, which easily floated back to the polite smiling features she showed at the office. "Quite the gentleman tonight, Tenou-san."

"Always." I grinned, taking her arm and leading her inside. By now my stride was returning and I began to feel rather excitement than nervousness for this little event.

As we walked through the entrance hall, Kaiou-san already nodded to two or three men standing around with their drinks. They nodded back and watched her up and down when she walked past them.

"Excuse me Kaiou-san, but did you notice those elderly men had their eyes all over you?" I asked her quietly when we had passed them.

She only laughed at my question. "Of course they had, they always have, and if you've seen them with their wives once you will know why."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude about acquaintances of yours." I felt a bit embarrassed. After all, she had been invited to the party, it should have been clear to me that she knew the other guests.

' _Way to go Haruka.'_

Yet Kaiou-san didn't seem to mind my comment. She simply laughed it off. "Oh no, no problem. They're not really acquaintances, I never spoke to them actually. I've just seen them on a lot of parties already."

We left the entrance hall and their occupants behind us and move into the gallery. Soon the rooms filled with people, strolling about, sipping their drinks while chatting and laughing exaggeratingly loud over bad jokes.

I had gone for a waiter to get Kaiou-san a drink, and when I found her again three halls onward, she was standing with a group of elderly ladies. Maybe they were the wives, married to the men she had greeted at our arrival, I thought for a moment. If they were they didn't look as bad as I had imagined them after her comment. In my opinion they only wore a bit too much glittery fabric for their age.

Glasses in hand, I went over to them and handed my boss her champagne with a smile. What I had not expected were the women to gush about me as soon as I turned my head to them.

"Michiru-san, is this young man your date?!"

"Don't tell me you're here with this handsome fellow?!"

"My, you certainly must know how to get them."

Uncertain how to react to this sudden outburst, I kept silent, waiting for Kaiou-san to answer the ladies' gibber. What should I have told them anyway?

" _Hello, my name's Tenou Haruka. I'm here as a replacement for her actual date, because the guy had better things to do"?_

No, certainly not.

While I tried my best to suppress a grin, Kaiou-san remained unmoved by their outburst and introduced me.

"This is Tenou Haruka, a promising young programmer at our company."

There was a shallow sighing as I, in my best performance of manners, bowed in turn to each of the three ladies. Then one of them asked. "Say Michiru, what about Kazuki, didn't you say you were coming with him tonight."

If she was annoyed by the question, she didn't let it on. I watched her face, curious how she reacted to the question. But Kaiou-san was a professional on the stage. Just as in her office this afternoon, neither her face nor her voice displayed any of the emotion she had shown on the phone.

"Oh you know Kazuki; he's always the busy man. He's overseas to sort out some trouble his company branch. Sure, it came a of a bit last notice, but I know how it can be. So I decided I'd give Tenou-san a chance to meet the right people he might need if he keeps up his excellent work."

Although I grew up with a father who was up to every trick for his company, it still fascinated me how people in the executive suite could lie so effortlessly and convincingly. It was one of the reasons why I hadn't wanted anything to do with my fathers company.

It was interesting, being part of such a social gathering without being known by most of the other participants. Here, unlike at home in Nagoya, nobody knew my father and in consequence me personally. I was new to them and if they didn't see me standing at Kaiou-sans side, they didn't bother to pay attention to me. I liked watching the guests, studying the way they talked, how they underlined it with gestures to leave more of an impact. And I was still amused whenever my boss introduced me to business associates as her new protégé, regardless of the fact that we were more or less the same age.

Yet after three hours it had become boring. My cheeks twinged from the constant smile I had forced upon them and I couldn't drink anymore, unless I would have wanted to walk back to my apartment. Kaiou-san, as I looked about, however was still immersed in a serious looking discussion with one of the ladies she had introduced me to first, a tall black-haired man and his wife who was clinging onto his arm and nodding emphatically after each of his sentences.

I sighed. This could still take a while. I hoped it to soon be over. Even the works of art didn't catch my interest. Not that I didn't care for art, I liked art quite a bit actually, but the pieces displayed in the gallery that evening were the type of modern art which were of no expression. What, I had asked myself, was the meaning behind a blank spot on a white wall entitled "the nothing"?

Of course, I knew, the artist called it criticism on the deteriorating social structures of society or something like that. I hadn't really listened to the haughty looking woman who had seemed to think I needed an explanation of the piece. Where was the emotion, the story behind such a minimalistic, expressionless thing?

While I still pondered this question, in spite of other things to do, all of the sudden Kaiou-san appeared in front of me. "Tenou-san, I think it's getting rather late. Shall we leave?"

It was not a question, but an order, even if her voice was as polite and even as ever, but I didn't mind. Leaving was what I had been looking forward to now. So I only said "Of course", offering her my arm and left the still buzzing mass behind.

We stepped outside the building into the fresh night air and when I was going to offer to drive her home, a silver car held in front of the entrance. Probably the same car in which she had arrived earlier. She let go of my arm and turned to me.

"Thank you very much for coming with me tonight, Tenou-san. I'm glad you could make it."

"It was pleasure", I replied and she smiled at me. I might have imagined it, but it seemed to be a smile, a little more true than the ones she had displayed to the business people inside. When she was already halfway down the steps, she halted once again. "One more thing, I would appreciate it this could be kept between us. I have no need for gossip."

I nodded. Having got my affirmation she descended, got into the waiting car and drove off. I stood on the stairs for a bit longer, watching the rear lights disappear around the corner before walking in the opposite direction where I had parked.

It hadn't been a bad evening, I thought while pulling my tie loose.

A good performance.


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

  
_Sometimes it's hard to keep on running_   
_We work so much to keep it going_   
_Don't make me want to give up_   


* * *

There it was again, that monotone sound. It had been absent, for how long I did not know, but I felt it must have been some time since it had reached my ears last. Now I heard it again, steadily beeping away in its high pitched tone.

Maybe, so I thought, the light had returned too. Slowly and with some effort, though not so much as the last time, I squinted my eyes open. And indeed the piercing with light was still above me or, around me, I still couldn't tell.

The sea of blackness had spit me out once again. I'd liked to say I had extricated myself from its depth but I knew it wasn't true. I had drifted in the nothingness, unable to do anything than simply existing, disentangled from my body and the world. Now I had been washed up on the shore, for the moment at least. If the sea felt like it, it might just swap me down again, just like the last time.

I cast my eyes down a bit, as not to be directly confronted with the luminance. I moved no muscle, simply lying on what I mind analyzed to probably be a bed, waiting for my vision to become clearer.

When my eyes had accustomed themselves that much that I could distinguish the source of the light to be a bright neon glow lamp above me, a shadow, just like the last time, appeared in front of my face. This time my hearing was more clearly, but the shadow didn't speak to me, not even say my name like the last time I remembered.

It only regarded me for a short moment, then disappeared swiftly.

"She's awake." I heard a distant voice call. And I was alone again, only the annoying beeping as a company.

My sense of time was still rather messy, but I guess I had been lying alone for a few minutes, enough time to get irritated at the machine whining away, when a man in a white coat stepped next to me. After all I had seen so far, I appeared to be in a hospital. It would explain why my body was so weak, why the only thing I felt was a dull soreness if anything at all. Yet I had no idea how I got here.

The doctor didn't step straight into the light so that I couldn't make out anything but his silhouette, but positioned himself at my bedside in a way I could look him the eyes without turning my head. In his hands he held a clipboard which he was reading closely, his eyes flicking every now and then to places outside my vision. Probably some machines connected to me.

It gave me time to observe him. He was middle aged, his hair still black but retreating from his forehead. I watched his face, his eyes as the flicked from the clipboard to an appliance and back. They were brown and surrounded by little wrinkles, as if he laughed often, when he had the time to do so. There were also lines around his mouth, though they seemed etched in by weariness rather than laughter. Overall his face was rather non-characteristically, but likeable in a way. Trustworthy enough to let him take care of, I concluded.

"It's good to see you're finally awake." He attempted a friendly smile, even if it looked a bit tired. "You'd had me worrying otherwise."

My attempt at answer failed due to a tube in my mouth. All that escaped my mouth was a weak stertorous. The doctor noticed it. "You shouldn't try to talk, not yet. As long as you are wearing the oxygen mask and the catheter it's not possible for you to speak anyway."

 _Oxygen mask_ _? Catheter? What the hell had happened to me?!_

I made another try at asking at least one question, despite his advice, but I didn't manage. And when I tried swallowing the saliva which had gathered in my mouth, it burned in my sore throat. My face flinched at the sudden pain.

"The swallowing hurts because your throat is dry and sore by the catheter, so don't try to swallow to much either."

He gave me a compassionate look and for a moment I feared that he might take my hand. But he didn't and I was grateful for that. It was bad enough that I was lying in hospital, seemingly badly injured and with apparently no idea how I got here, the last thing I needed was a doctor acting like he and I were in a soap opera. He just took a chair and sat down beside the bed.

"Tenou-san, do you understand what I am saying?" he asked.

My first impulse was to nod, but it seemed so much physical effort and I didn't know in what pain it might result, so I just fixated him with my eyes. He must have interpreted it correctly as he continued. "You were extremely lucky not to receive any permanent injuries. I'd call it a miracle if I believed in them."

I liked his sober way of talking, yet I wished he would finally tell me what had happened to me.

"You had overall four rips broken, two on your right back were partially broken, one on the left side of your back and one on the left side of your chest were completely broken. The last one almost pinched your lung. If it had, you'd be dead now."

I took his words in without a reaction. It seemed to surprise him that I didn't respond to having escaped death so narrowly, verbatim by a few millimetres, but he hadn't seen the sea of blackness, the nonentity. It couldn't be so different from being dead. He watched me for a bit and I stared back at him. Eventually he proceeded.

"If you don't loose consciousness again, we can try to remove the oxygen mask tomorrow for a bit, but you'll have to keep the catheter for at least five more days. It's necessary for the parenteral nutrition and your medication." The doctor added in an explanatory way, when I must have looked unpleasant.

"You're leg's been broken twice and the magnetic resonance images show that you also have a concussion, so it might be that you are bit confused by now, though that will pass as the time goes by. Apart from these rather grave injuries you have good overall cover of minor bruises and scratches." He concluded.

I kept my eyes fixated to his face, hoping he might say something more. Something about the how I had incurred all the injuries he had just listed up. But he didn't. Apparently he seemed to think that I well aware of whatever accident or misfortune had happened to me and that I only might have forgotten other details about my life. Yet I had a perfectly intact memory, now that my senses had come to wake fully out of their dazed state. The only missing incident was the day when it must have happened, as the last thing I remembered was going to bed well past after midnight, before waking up in this hospital.

"Tenou-san," the doctor raised his voice once again, and my mind shot back to him. "try staying awake for a bit, but don't force yourself. Your condition is still poor, so I strongly advise you to avoid any exertion. The nurse will come later to fill up your medications."

And without another word he got up and left the room.

_Great!_

This was worse than being unconscious. It was one thing floating on the boarder between awareness and unconsciousness. There, if I can call that a place, it seemed an achievement to know I was there at least, to know I still existed in some way even if nothing around me did.

Now, back in the real world, being strapped to a bed, motionless, existing and thinking the only things I was able to do, they didn't seem so much of an achievement but an aggravation.

Back in the blackness, there had been no time, but now time was subsisting again and it passed by agonizingly slow.

I hated doing nothing. I had never been a person to just sit still, not even as a child. There always had to be some motion in my life, something happening. The prospect of being condemned to motionlessness was dreadful.

The painkillers must have been filled with wore off bit by bit. The positive effect of this was that I actually could feel all my body parts again, yet the negative side was that each one of them hurt.

I tried to remember what had happened to me the next day, to fill the blank space in my mind. Although unsuccessfully in recovering my memory I kept trying, my mind practically reeling. It was at least a welcome distraction to keep the pain down a bit.

However deep I dug down, nothing came up. I knew I had been perfectly fine, when I had went to bed and had fallen asleep. After that I knew no more, not even how many days had passed since then.

It was irritating, really, I could remember vanities like the dress my mother had worn on my tenth birthday, yet not what I had done the following morning to end up in the here and now.

When I woke up next morning I felt something coming close to refreshed. True, my body was still unable to be moved at my will, my throat was still sore and I couldn't speak with the tube in my mouth. But I had had a good night's sleep after I had received my dose of painkillers in the late afternoon. I had drifted off into sleep not dropped into unconsciousness.

And now, after I had woken up the doctor was standing at my bedside again.

"Good morning, Tenou-san." He said in his sonorous voice. "I'm glad to see you slept well last night. I think I can say you're through the worst by now." The small smile accompanying his words had me believe them, because it was no cheery I-have-to-be-positive-around-my-patients-smile but a slight gesture of relief.

He aligned the data on my machines with his clipboard, gave me another smile and left me alone. The wait for the day to pass began again.

If a nurse had come to bring me lunch I would have had an idea what time it was, but as I was fed by a tube in my right arm, nobody appeared with a food tray.

The light from outside which was thrown on the wall opposite to my bed, had changed, therefore I guess it was sometime in the afternoon when they arrived.

My father strode into the room without knocking, straight forward to my bed and mother followed him in a bit more gentle.

"Finally you're awake." He said reproachful, as if I had deliberately spent the days unconscious.

' _Yeah, I've heard that already.'_ Instantly my joy over their visit dropped several degrees.

"I hope you're satisfied now, Haruka. This is where your attitude is getting you."

I looked up in his face, puzzled. My father was angry, quite angry at me, yet I didn't know what I had done to contract his anger. Once again I hated it being unable to communicate. I couldn't even ask what was wrong.

"Don't look as if you were unaware of what I am talking." He barked and I changed my face from puzzled to stoic. Where this would have been going I don't know for mother decided to intervene. She knew how little it took to ignite the spark in two hotheads like my father and me. Gently she took his arm, and stroked it a little.

"Katsuya, the doctor told us not to upset her unnecessarily. You should lower your voice."

At first he didn't seem to react to her placate action. He only switched from addressing me to addressing her.

"I'm not having it that she's continuing in the same way like she stopped."

I was grateful my mother was trying to handle the situation, because with every word my father said anger rose within me and I wasn't able to vent that anger otherwise than shooting furious looks. Being tied to a bed was a curse.

"She might still be a bit confused, he told us that. I'm sure Haruka doesn't mean it. Please darling, why don't you go out and calm down bit." Her voice had the frosty air which signalled the end of any discussion. Both, father and I had long ago learned not to argue with her when she used that voice.

So my father left the room, though not before adding, "Don't think this will not have an aftermath, Haruka."

Once he had left, we both stared for a moment at the closed door. My mother was the only person from whom my father took instructions and even then he didn't like it all that much.

With a sigh she tore her gaze from the door and took a seat on the chair at my bedside. Gently taking my hand she stroked the back of my hand, carefully not to disengage the needle from my wrist. "I'm happy to see your eyes finally open again, Haruka."

Being here, settled in the embrace of her soft, calm voice, her blue eyes gazing at me with nothing but love, I felt content for a moment. Mother was just as I remembered her, as she had always been. She was sitting composedly, in a plain dark blue dress without any makeup and nobody who would have seen here would have guessed Tenou Yumiko to be the wife of a corporation's boss. Nothing about her ever looked showy or poshy, no, mother had class. My father once described her as an elegant and refined beauty. It was one of the few topics on which I agreed with him. She was slim, not overly curvy and her features were all even, giving her a sophisticated look. What I liked most about her though was her hair, sand coloured, the same shade as mine and the thing I had always been most proud of inheriting from her, locks which fell down her back like a waterfall.

That air of serenity almost always surrounding my mother stilled my temper and slowed down the thoughts running around my head. For a bit there was only a feeling of ease as she held my hand.

"You mustn't think ill about your father, Haruka. He was just as worried as I was."

' _He has a unique way of showing that.'_

Even without me being able to speak, mother understood my sneering. "Don't pull your mouth like that, Haruka. He came by each day since you've been here, so don't think he doesn't care."

I'd loved to have made her a sarcastic reply. I knew my dear father cared and the older he got the more he cared about things in my life that were absolutely none of his concern. Why else would we fight on such high frequency?

"I know." Mother whispered stroking my hair. My hair, which must be all limp and greasy by now. Why I though that then I don't know, she didn't seem to mind it in the least.

"I know it's sometimes hard for you to get along with your father, you're both bullheaded." She chuckled, "But please, when your temper bolts next time, be more careful, no matter how much he upsets you."

Although I still had no memories of the day of my accident, I squeezed her hand lightly, a silent promise to dissipate the worry in her eyes. Mother squeezed back even more lightly than I, afraid of hurting me. Then kissed my forehead and got up to leave.

"I'll be back tomorrow, Haruka."

* * *

I retreated back to staring at the ceiling. So father and I had had a row again to put it mildly, that was what mom had said. Our last fights had always been rather loud, if father was still so upset about it that he did bring it up first thing when seeing me, it must have been a particularly fierce one.

My father and I hadn't always gone along bad. I still remember that, when I had been a little child I had adored my father. He had been tall, even taller than he actually was, seen through my eyes, with smooth black hair, totally flat in contrast to my mother's curls, and a face I now would label distinctive. It wasn't so much that my father didn't look typically Asian, but his features were more pronounced than other person's. The fact that his nose had been broken in his youth had added to this effect.

I had looked up to my father. Most children do for no other reason than that their parents are the first and most important persons in their lives to consider them role models. But I had always, rather felt than I had actually known it that my father was deserving of the admiration I gave him.

When people friends and business associates alike came to visit, they all treated my father with utter respect starting with bowing their heads deeply to him at entering. Never, he greeted his friends, not even the oldest one with a warm handshake or a pat on the shoulders, like I've seen it in movies when I had grown older. Like adults do they spend most of their time sitting around talking when they visit each other at home. Not that I had been present at all conversations my father had had with his guests, at that age I found them boring and wouldn't have wanted to stay even if he had let me, but I had observed them enough during meals to know most of the time father talked to our guests he'd rarely if at all smile. His seriousness was what made him so formidable.

To little me at the age of three or four it had impressed me deeply that my father was such a respected person. My admiration for him held up this high until I was nine. Back then I had wanted to be like him; tall, strong and emanating quiet air of power.

This was one side of my father, his other, which I loved even more was reserved exclusively for me.

Whenever he was alone with me his reserved attitude evaporated. We played shouting and laughing. I still remember those years quite clearly, in contrast to my accident, and the memories are fond ones.

A particular one had happened in late autumn, when I had been five. It had been a so called 'golden October' day with a warm gentle sun and no clouds flocking the piercing blue of the sky. I had loved such days because it was the kind of weather my father liked best, warm but not hot and beautiful and on those days he would go out and play with me.

Clear autumn days I still do like though the fondness for my father has dimmed since then.

On this sunny October afternoon dad and I had been in the rear part of our garden searching for any last chestnuts. The gardener had raked the foliage into big heaps the day before therefore father had said we might find some last chestnuts to add to our collection from that year. It hadn't been long before dad called over to me. With his sharp eyes he had been a very good chestnut-searcher and then like many other time he had spotted one. He had held it up to me. A notably big exemplar, almost perfectly round. In the golden sun the chestnut shimmered like a piece of expensive polished wood. Dad had thrown it over to me but I had been blinded by the light and it fell into a heap behind me.

At once he had run over to me and we both had started digging through the foliage in search for our little treasure.

I can't recall whom of us had started it, but it hadn't taken us long to start throwing leaves at one another. Before I had known it had been a battle and we had chased it other through the garden, taking cover behind trees or still untouched heaps to shower the opponent with red and yellow leaves. When I had been out of breath but unwilling to give up, I had jumped head first into the nearest pile of leaves and waited for dad to come after me. As he had stood there I had jumped out right in front of him with a loud "boo!" and had declared him defeated.

In the end we hadn't found the chestnut again but we surely had messed up every single heap of foliage in our garden. Of course I knew father had only let me win, it had been only a game.

I treasured those occasions when father had had the time to be so joyful and careless with me. Sometimes, in the small hours I would find myself looking back on those memories with a twinge of loss for it hadn't stayed like this.

Father and I had our first real fight when I had been ten, and from then on it got worse with the years, only lightening up a bit during my time at the university; probably because we didn't see each other so often then.

I had changed schools then and at my new school had been assigned to an upperclassman who was to show me around and help me for the first weeks. She had been nice and I got along pretty well with her. As it had happened she had been a member of the school's karate-club and when I had listened to her talking about it with shining eyes, the temptation to try it myself had stirred within me.

Sempai had been delighted when I had asked her if I could. She had invited me along to participate in the clubs training for a few weeks probationary, with the option to join permanently if I really liked it. Well, I had liked it. Furthermore even the club's captain, a huge boy in his last year, had called me a promising student.

Etched on by this praise and my on wish to continue the training I had went to dad asking for permission. Unfortunately my enthusiasm about doing karate hadn't been as contagious as Sempai's, not concerning my father at last.

At first he had laughed, believing it to be a joke. Then, when he had seen that I had been serious, he had gotten angry. He had shouted what had I been thinking that I was girl from a wealthy family who wasn't supposed to fight like a boy. He had called me a betrayer for having practised without his knowledge. I had shouted back at him, shocked at how his temper had risen and with tears in my eyes at his accusations. But I hadn't backed down, as I had done nothing wrong, nothing to justify such an outbreak.

I don't remember much more. My mind repressed most of our fights afterwards, I think it conditioned itself to do that, because I didn't want my memories of the loving dad tainted by the ones of the severe father he had turned into.

All I still remember was, that, in the end father decided I had lived a life to free of boundaries and that I should receive a proper education now, or it might be too late for me to become the lady I should later be. In other words, though he hadn't taken me out of the school, he had hired a private teacher to tutor me 'things a woman must know'. These things had consisted of traditional customs like tea ceremony, dance, calligraphy and how to dress in a kimono, that kind of stuff.

I had screamed, protested and tried to argue reasonably, even offered to attend those private lessons without protest if he'd let me join the club but my father was all deaf ears to my pleas. The last hope had been my mother, for she might have convinced him to change his mind, yet she had refused. First she had suggested I should talk reasonably with father, propose a kind of exchange, but when I had brought to her that I had already tried out her suggestions she had told me that I should show humbleness in this case and bow to fathers will. I clearly remember her last words on the affair. "I'm sure you will be a lady one day therefore it is important for you to know how to behave properly, your father's got a point there. If you want to do sports then try to find another club to which he is not so opposed."

I had cried, bitter tears of a disappointed child.

For the whole following week I had stayed silent. Father ignored had ignored it, mother had tried to coax a word out of me, but she had given up after two days, sighing that I was as stubborn as my father.

Sempai had said it was shame for me not being allowed to join. I agreed with her on that point though not on that the matter couldn't be helped if it had been my father's decision. She had invited me to come to the tournaments at least to watch, but I couldn't because it would have always reminded me; of the fight with my father and the disappointment. After the incident I had lost contact with sempai, as her time as my guardian had been over and I hadn't spent anymore time in the dojo.

Although it had no effect, I had taken a kind of bitter delight out of performing lousy in my special education classes, or waste-of-time as I had dubbed them. Usually I was ambitious, regardless at what, but that time, since father had forced me my only ambition was to learn as little and do as bad as possible. Yet father showed only indifference and told my teacher to continue her efforts. It was constant sting scorching in my flesh seeing father not caring about me all off a sudden.

It was then, a month or two afterwards that I had started running.


	6. Chapter 5

* * *

  
_You won't see your future in a crystal ball_   
_Psychic friends can't help you at all_   
_Can't buy time at a shopping mall_   
_The writings on the wall_   
_Struck by lightning, fall in a well_   
_It sounds far fetched, but you never can tell_   
_You never know where, you won't know how_   
_When you least expect it, expect the unexpected_   


* * *

On Saturday morning I woke up late, late form y standards that is to say. Though this time it wasn't because the alarm clock had decided to break down in the middle of the night but simply because I hadn't set it. I had earned me a good night's sleep after spending the evening amongst modern people and modern art.

It was a bit past nine. I opted to skip my morning run and laze in bed for a little while longer. Maybe I would make up my exercises in the evening.

The images of the past evening still lingered on my mind, although they seemed like hazy remains of a dream in the shade of ordinary Saturday morning light. It wasn't that I could not remember them, for I could recall everything just fine, but it all felt somewhat unreal now that it was past. I replayed the scenes in one by one in my head while I showered, dressed and made breakfast. First there had been my meeting with Kaiou-san, followed by our entrance into the gallery and my comment on those elderly men who had watched her so intently, then my introduction to the group of eccentric ladies, whom I had found quite amusing and of course sundry introductions to acquaintances of Kaiou-san throughout the evening. And overall there had been that polite smile, which had never left her face until we had said goodbye outside the gallery.

It had been a good event I reasoned.

By the time I had finished my second cup of coffee and was contemplating a third one, I remembered my promise to call Asami. I placed the cup aside and strode over into the living room where the phone was sitting readily in its station. That was one of the small advantages living alone brought had along.

While I had been sharing the apartment with Asami, I always had to go searching for the phone whenever I had needed it. The only safe bet on the phone's location back then had been that, wherever it was now, it wasn't in the place where I had seen it the last time. And considering the spacious dimensions of our apartment, phone searches could turn into long and tiresome tours. Although I had to admit compared to having Asami's cheerful nature around, finding the telephone in its supposed place wasn't worth so much. The time we had lived together was still a fond memory.

At Asami's place nobody answered the phone.

I glanced down at my watch. It was five past then. Either Asami was already out doing her usual Saturday routine of shopping or she had slept over at her date's place. I smirked, grabbed my keys and left. Either way she would have something to tell later, for the time being I could get some groceries myself. The fridge had been alarmingly empty this morning.

The following Monday at work passed as if Friday had never happened. Not that I had expected much of a fuss, Kaiou-san had told me to be silent about her taking me to a party and of course she'd do the same. Other than her, only Taneguchi and Hiroshi knew that I had been called to her office. But at least Hiroshi, I had estimated, would inquire me about what our boss had wanted to talk to me and why I had left so suddenly afterwards on Friday afternoon. Yet he did nothing of the like. When I entered our office he was just unpacking his briefcase and wished me a good morning as usual.

He asked who me weekend had been, I replied fine asked him about his own weekend and that was it.

I should have been relieved that Hiroshi didn't pry. I hated it having to lie to a friend, for he was a friend or at least close to being one. At the same time though I couldn't help but be slightly disappointed. Posing convincingly as a young handsome man in front of a crowd of pecunious snobs had boosted my pride and nobody congratulated me to my performance because nobody knew.

Nobody expect Asami that is, but she was still sceptical towards the whole business.

On Saturday afternoon I had finally caught her on the phone and I had invited her over for dinner where we had spent the better half of the evening discussing my disguise again.

* * *

The doorbell rang at eight sharp. I was surprised for usually Asami never was overly punctual but there she stood happily grinning when I opened the door. As always Asami was straight to the point. As soon as she had put on slippers and flung her handbag beside the coat rack she fixed her eyes on me. "How was your date last night, Haru-chan? You haven't told me anything so far."

I laughed. That was what I loved about my friend, never beating round the bush like most Japanese do. "I could ask you the same. Especially considering the fact that you weren't at home when I called you around ten this morning."

"Oh never mind that. I was out early, driving some designs over to Ito-san before the traffic became too heavy." Dismissively she waved her hand.

"Really?" I cocked my eyebrow. "Anyway, how about I set the table and we talk about everything while eating?"

Asami nodded and followed me to the kitchen, helping me wordlessly. I hadn't made any changes to the organisation of the kitchen so she still knew where the plates, glasses and so on were stored.

"Almost like we're students again." She said with a hint of nostalgia when I set the last dish on the table between us.

"A bit." I agreed. "But if we were living together again, you would have done the cooking, you're way better at it than me."

Asami was already helping herself to salad and pasta with salmon sauce. "No need to be so modest Haruka, your salads always best mine and I'm sure the pasta will taste good. At least it smells delicious."

I smiled at her compliment. In truth I wasn't able to cook more lavish dishes than something as easy as pasta with a not too difficult sauce. The few times I had tried the evening had ended with take-out food.

I poured each of us a glass of the Italian wine I had bought for the dinner.

It wasn't much later that Asami had finished her first round. While putting some more salad on her plate, she eyed me again with a grin bordering evil. "So dearest best friend, tell me how you swooned the ladies yesterday."

"Well, as a fact the women there seemed very pleased to being in my presence."

Asami had expected me to look flustered at her remark, I could see it in the way her jaw dropped a little and her fork with a cherry-tomato halted halfway on the way to her mouth.

"You passed as a guy for a whole crowd of hundred people or more? You walked around them and talked to them and you're telling me that nobody questioned your gender?"

Calmly I sipped my wine. "Why should they? It was just the same as on my first day in the office. I walked into the gallery dressed as a man and with a woman at my arm so they saw a man."

My best friend looked at me as if I had told her the moon was green or that I was going home to my father.

"But Haru-chan, even if you wear your hair so short and dress in a suit, you're still slim for a guy and your face is too soft. Hell, you look like a living bishounen from some shoujo manga!"

I had a hard time not choking on my fork full of lettuce when I erupted in laughter. When I had recovered from laughing and gasping for air, I found Asami not half amused at her remark. Indeed she didn't seem amused at all.

"Listen Asami, people just see what they expect to see. Appear as a man on first sight and they don't question it unless you give them a good reason to do so."

"Yeah, sure…" she mumbled and picked around in her salad.

I watched her stabbing a slice of cucumber in silence. Eventually I took pity in the maltreated vegetable.

"If there's something you want to add, feel free to do so, but please stop stabbing the poor cucumber, it hasn't done anything to you." I hoped she would laugh at this but she just gave me the reproachful gaze I had gotten so often when the subject came to my cross-dressing.

"If you expect me to congratulate on this, you're wrong. You're probably even proud for nobody suspecting you to be a female, but in my eyes you just lied to another hundred people which is nothing to take pride in, not in the least"

"What's it with you and the lying all the time? In high-school and university you were never lost for an excuse. I could have called that lying as well."

Annoyed I laid my knife and fork down on the plate, my appetite had more or less evaporated. Why did all our conversation have to take that way lately?

Asami remained silent. Instead of answering me she had retreated to piercing the leftovers of her salad with her eyes. When she made no attempt at taking up the conversation again I gathered a few empty plates and dishes to take them into the kitchen. I half hoped she would come after me, but she didn't. Obviously she thought herself on high ground, but if Asami wanted to play the moral card with all her 'you're lying' I didn't see the difference between pretending to be sick to skip class and pretending to be a man.

"Listen Asami." I returned to the table and placed a cup of espresso in front of her. "It was a one-time experience so I'd be surprised if any of those people would reappear in my life. It's absolutely nothing to make such a fuss about."

She emptied her cup in one. Then she finally met my eyes again.

"I'm sorry, Haruka." And I knew she was at once, she rarely used my name without any suffixes, only when she was sincere about something. "It's just… I told you yesterday that I'm worried over you. You might get hurt some way or other and I wouldn't like that."

On impulse I reached out for Asami's hand and squeezed it. "Thanks."

My anger at her had faded as quickly as it had come. Deep down I knew she cared for me. It was the main reasons I kept having those kinds of discussions with her. She gave me a lopsided smile. "Say Haru-chan how about we relocate this to the living room and have some girl talk? You were at the party yesterday so you can tell me how it was anyway."

I agreed instantly and gathered the remaining plates up from the table. This time Asami helped me and soon we were comfortably stretched out on the couch.

Sure enough Asami's first question about Kaiou-san was what her dress had looked like. I gave a detailed description of the black dress, its cut and how it had expertly accentuated Kaiou-san slender form. When I had finished she giggled leaving me with a bewildered look on my face.

"Someone's been paying close attention on her surroundings last night I see."

Indignantly I huffed. "You'd stare at her, too. She really is a beauty."

"Sure" she said still sniggering. "So, what about the rest of your evening, you must have done more than ogling you boss."

So I recounted her my previous evening. Of course Asami took a particular interest in what the high society of the Tokyo business world had been dressed in. I recalled everything I could but unfortunately I wasn't able to give a detailed description of any other robe than Kaiou-san's.

The encounters of the various people I had met however I could retell and did so. Especially the three old ladies who had interrogated my boss about her companion in alias me, appealed to Asami. They reminded her of her grandmother she told me laughing. She said they must be pretty fun to be around, whereupon I had to agree, as long as it was a limited amount of time one spent with them.

When Asami's curiosity was satisfied, which took some time, I finally came round to asking her about her own date.

"You've squeezed pretty much every tiny bit about yesterday out of me in the last hour. How about you tell me something about that date of yours now?"

Until now I had been half lying in one corner of the couch with Asami sitting cross legged in the other corner. Now, when she didn't respond immediately but only regarded me teasingly I propped myself up and poked her midriff. Instantly she flinched and slapped my hand playfully away.

"Don't tickle me! I'm starting already." She giggled and came closer, placing her head in my lap and stretching her body so that her legs could dangle over the armrest. I looked down on her expectantly of the story to come.

"Well first of all, I wouldn't have had to put so much effort in getting dressed, you know. He wasn't anything special at all."

"Who did you go out with anyway? Some guy I know?" I asked, suddenly remembering I hadn't asked her about it at all.

"I doubt you know him. He came into my shop last week and bought some clothes. I didn't think anything of him then, we didn't even really talk, Keiko handled him and I only cashed him." Asami paused and looked up in my face.

"And then, three days later he's back, all styled and dressed in one of my black super fitting jeans and mint coloured shirt asking me out for dinner on Friday. He was looking like a model standing there in the clothes I had designed so I said yes without thinking."

Grinning a bit silly, Asami averted her eyes from mine, settling her gaze on her wiggling toes. I chuckled.

"Were you so wooed by your own creation great tailoress?"

"I guess so. At first sight he looked absolutely perfect. My irrational part hoped he would keep the promises his appearance seemed to make."

"But when he turned up on my doorstep yesterday night in exactly the same clothes he wore on Thursday, I began to see through his routine. Just as cheap as his perfume, Haruka. So I let him take me out to a restaurant, the food was excellent, I have to admit that, yet I'm not sure if it was actually worth having to endure three hours of his senseless bubble."

"Was it that bad?" I asked her compassionately.

She rolled her eyes and made an exaggeratedly deep sigh. "You've no idea, Haruka. He was on the same level as Reiko-chan."

For a split-second Asami kept her earnest face, then we both broke out in laughter. Her head bumped up and down on my shaking knees and I patted her head. "My poor Asami. You've really had a lot of strength to endure a Reiko-chan for three hours."

"Believe me it was not easy." She said and pulled a face she called her martyrdom expression and which I called stomach ache. For a while we still giggled.

"Then I take it you're not going to see him again." I randomly asked to get the typical kind of Asami answer. "Not if I can help it, it was a one-time experience." she winked at me. "If I ever get to do my own fashion shows, remind me to check my models for brains before I employ them, Haruka."

Smiling, I nodded agreement and settled myself more comfortable in the soft cushions.

Asami stayed for the night. We extracted the couch, dug up a lot of blankets and cushion, watched movies and talked idly. It was just as if we were schoolgirls again.

* * *

The week continued as usual. I came to work, did my normal stuff and one or two minor 'emergencies', like finding the power point for the oh so broken down computer, all the while drinking coffee and having chitchat with Hiroshi.

On Friday afternoon the party had already taken on the form of a somewhat distant memory, not that I had forgotten Kaiou-san, I could have recounted her every move as accurately as I had done Saturday evening, rather I had closed up the event in my mind, therefore the phone call caught me off hand.

I was just packing my bag, when the phone on my desk started to ring. For a moment I silently stared machine contemplating my choices. It was a Friday afternoon, at half past four. Hiroshi had already gone home and our office was as dead and silent as all the other room on the floor. I could let it ring and just finish for the day. Nobody would know.

But if someone called in this late, it could well be an emergency. Eventually I picked up the phone.

" Tokyo, KaiouKom building, accountancy and data archive, Tenou Haruka."

"It's Kaiou Michiru. Tenou-san, glad to catch you. Are you alone to talk freely right now?"

Even if she hadn't said her name, the melodic tone of her voice I recognized in an instant. This was the last person to call I could have expected. Incredulously I stared at the receiver.

"Yes, I'm alone right now."

"Very well. Then, if I am not imposing on you, I'd like to ask you if you were free this evening again? I could use a companion.

I didn't answer right away, wondering if Kaiou-san's reason to call me was even more unusual than the fact that she was calling me at all or if it was the only probability for me being called by her. She seemed to interpret my silence as an agreement and went on in the same all-business voice she had used with me last Friday as well.

"As a matter of fact, Kazuya-san sent a message saying he won't return before month's end, therefore I thought Tenou-san might be able to attend all my social events with me and we arrange a sort of contract for those matters?"

Briefly I wondered if there was a whole in the microstructure of the world, if the entropy had suddenly called out a stoppage, before I heard my voice agree to her propositions.

She couldn't really mean to pay so much yet obviously she did and I had accepted.

When the call sign had beeped into the silence twice I finally hung up the phone, grabbed my bag and headed out this time straight home without stopping by at Asami's. Roughly three hours later I was off for another night at the sight of my beautiful boss.


	7. Chapter 6

* * *

  
_Woke up this morning and the streets were full of cars_   
_All bright and shiny like they'd just arrived from mars_   
_And as i stumbled through last nights drunken debris_   
_The paperboy screamed out the headlines in the street_   


  
_Another war and now the pound is looking weak_   
_And tell me have you read about the latest freak?_   
_We're bingo numbers and our names are obsolete_   
_Why do i feel bitter when i should be feeling sweet_   


* * *

The day after my father's visit I had woken up, yet again, not in an empty room. This time the bedside chair had been occupied by the face I would be going to see for the following week. Tomohito had come. I didn't know for how long he had already been sitting there waiting, but the moment I opened my eyes he softly took my hand and greeted me with a "good morning".

At that moment, at seeing Tomohito smile down on me, I felt a surge of happiness.

Actually I think his face had been my first happy memory after awaking.

His features neither bore the anger and reproach my father had shown me yesterday, nor did they display the faintly detached serenity of my mother. They only basked me in a warm glow of concern and care. It gave me a good feeling.

In an attempt to return his squeeze I brushed my fingertips lightly against his palm. Tomohito's smile grew a bit wider in response.

And then, when he spoke, it was jovial, as if it weren't out of the ordinary to have a friend lying immobile in a hospital bed.

"They told me you can't eat yet, otherwise I'd brought you breakfast. But I thought you might like the paper. Shall I read it to you?"

I nodded gratefully, noticing that the action was already a bit easier than the day before. He leaned back, grabbing a newspaper from behind him and opening it, he started to read.

Tomohito's voice was even and pleasant, the kind of voice one could listen to for hours regardless of what he was saying. I think his voice might have been part of what my father and his associates liked about him.

If Tomohito had come to us when I had been a child, he would have been a perfect older brother, telling bedtime stories to his little sister.

So I lay and listened to what he was reading, thankful for the distraction. As far as I could remember, Tomohito had always been like this, kind and comforting to everyone who seemed to need him.

He was only two years older than I and from the first day we got on well together. I don't remember exactly when had met, but it had been sometime in my last year of high school.

He had been a brilliant student then, thus he had been allowed to be one of the few Japanese students who got to try out dual studies, where he had to work in a company for three months and then study at the university three months, in turns.

I didn't think it all that desirable, but it was a trend swapped over from European companies, and Tomohito had been very proud to be selected to join to program. Another trait of his my father took a great liking to: his modesty.

Tomohito's father and my father had studied together and had remained something like a friendship between them; therefore Narunishi-san had asked my father if his son could work for him. Father had agreed and Tomohito had been sent to us.

Seemingly father owed the Narunishi family something; otherwise I guess he wouldn't have allowed their son to stay in his own house. His house was something he was always peculiar about. He rather invited people over to demonstrate his power and achievements, therefore it had been quite unusual for him to let anybody, an alien person no less move in.

The day I had met Tomohito had had no extraordinary qualities to it.

It had been a total ordinary one, no perfect clear blue sky, nor heavy rain pouring down, nothing at all that could have held a sort of meaning, or foreshadowing as it is used ever so often in novels. Maybe there had been clouds, maybe there had been a breeze, I did not know anymore. Nothing significant.

I had just been driving up our driveway, the adrenaline of racing practice still fuelling my veins, my mind still back on the practice, on chasing around the circuit at 200 mph. The coach had forbidden it, to go by such high velocity already, but I simply hadn't been able to resist the temptation; not only the temptation of the speed, but overlapping Fuji-kun.

It had served him right after all. I had only regretted it that I hadn't been able to see his face behind the helmet when I had driven by.

The guy had been all big words, but when it came down to it, I had been better; controlling my bike, moving with the machine's motions as if the bike and I had melted together.

Being overlapped by the single girl on the team had shut him up, for a time at least.

After I had left the team to study in Tokyo, I had never heard anything of Fuji-kun again. I barely remember anything of him beyond his name and his obnoxious boasting. Apparently that great carrier as a racer which lay waiting for him, as his own claim had been, had been fed up with waiting.

Yet that day, I had felt a deep satisfaction at beating him gladly taking the coach's reprimand, even if, in retrospective, he had not really been worth the trouble.

When I had brought the motorbike to a halt in front of the house and had been taking off my helmet, a young man had walked down the steps in my direction. He had stopped about two metres away from me, eyeing the bike.

"What a machine!" he had said with mild awe. "You're not a professional racer, are you?"

I had sceptically lifted an eyebrow, yet his tone had suggested that he hadn't only said it to be polite or overtly friendly. Contrary to other men I had met so far, partners of my father mostly, he had shown no sign of turning up his nose at a woman driving a motorbike. It had been pleasant first impression the guy had left on me with this.

"Not yet, no, but maybe one day."

He had torn his eyes from the motorbike. Though he didn't look like the type, he had seemed quite engrossed by the red machine, then, and had looked at me. "I apologize for my rudeness." He had said. "I should have introduced myself first. I'm Narunishi Tomohito. Pleased to meet you."

"I thought as much," I had told him. Father had surprised us mother and me with the news of a young man coming to live with us a few days before at supper. "You're too young to be one of my father's partners. Tenou Haruka. Pleased to meet you, too."

He had bowed to me, although he must have known that he was the older one of us, out of respect for my father I had guessed.

"So…" he had said, gesturing to my bike again. "if you're saying 'not yet', do you train to become a professional racer? Are you on a team?"

"I'm on a team, yes." I had answered, descending form the machine and propping it up. "But I don't know whether to go pro or not. Racing is primarily a fun thing to me."

' _A way to feel free.'_

But I had not told him that.

"Oh," Tomohito had seemed a bit surprised by this. "Well, nevertheless, it's a cool hobby."

I had found myself wishing there were more boys like Narunishi Tomohito, who nodded appreciatingly at my interests instead of looking aside piqued.

"I think we'll get along quite well, but if you're here to meet my father, I'll suggest you go inside. He should be home and waiting for you already."

"And what about you?"

I had pulled my hair loose from the ponytail constricting it to fit under my helmet. Shaking my damp hair and laughing I had said. "I won't go inside so soon. I'll be checking on the machine." _'And surely I'll find some other stuff to do till dinner's ready.'_

Tomohito had nodded and climbed up the steps to the front door, while I had moved the motorbike to the garage.

He hadn't known of father's and my relationship, that I had little desire to be around him, then, and I had no inclination of serving it on a silver plate, however nice and amiable he might be.

Though he came to learn about it in due course; that is to say, Tomohito noticed we weren't on the best of terms, but never explicitly asked the reason. Not from me.

So Tomohito had gotten a room in our house, the guestroom closest to the bedrooms of our family members, as father had it ordered.

During the week Tomohito had been taken under my fathers tutelage, being far more away than not. In the mornings he would leave the house with father when I had just come down for a quick breakfast and return late in the evening; if father didn't insist on him coming to a dinner with other men who all thought of themselves as the world's centre.

Often his duties had expanded on Saturdays, too, he had never voiced a word of complaint about it though.

The Sundays he had been free and mostly we had spend the time together, meeting up with my friends who had been hilariously eager to get to know 'Tomo-kun', as they had called him, better. Or we had just gone to a movie or out with the bikes, Tomohito borrowing my older motorbike. Sometimes, when he had had the time he had even tagged along to race practice, but those had been rare occasions, as most of the time my practice had collided with his working hours.

At first I had taken him along on the weekends so that he didn't feel all alone living in strange house not knowing anybody but over the time he became a reliable friend. In fact, I think I had only ever trusted Asami more than Tomohito. A fact I had wondered about at times.

Judging from as well as Tomohito had gotten along with my father, I had been surprised that I had not despised but had liked him. I had talked about it with him one Sunday, when he had been living with us for two or three months.

We had been to watch a soccer game with Asami and a few other boys and girls form my class and the two of us had stopped at a coffee shop on our way home.

I had been sipping a cappuccino; I always had drunken cappuccino at that time; when I had suddenly asked him. "Why is it that you seem to get along with everyone you meet?"

Tomohito had looked up from his mocha, in which he had been pouring an excessive amount of sugar. "Who do you mean with everyone Haruka-san? Your friends? They're not much younger than I and quite kind people, a bit full of vim at times, but nice."

I had remained silent and he had smiled, finally putting the sugar bowl down. "Or do mean something else?"

I had probably looked at him a bit sheepishly when saying "I've just been wondering. Father obviously is fond of you, otherwise he wouldn't bother to take you with him so much, and he only likes people who think alike, alike to him that is. That's one of the reasons why I argue with father so often, so tell me why I don't argue with you, too."

He had regarded me silently for a moment, motionless except for his hand stirring in the coffee-flavoured sugar in his cup. "Why do you think this is so?" he had finally asked.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking, Hi-kun. You're not the type to disguise yourself so much that you could be a totally different person around my father. Or else, my knowledge of human nature is very much broken." I had added wryly.

"I try to respect people for what they are. Tenou-san for once is a very clever business man, and though I do not support his attitude all the way, he knows what he's doing, how to handle his business." I believe I had wanted to interject something then, tell Tomohito that father was stubborn, overly stubborn in certain matters, but he had held up his hand. "I don't say I overlook other people's faults but I try to leave them be, taking it easy, unless they become the prime reasons for the strain in a relationship… I value Tenou-san for his knowledge, just as I value the various virtues of my fellow students, though I might not call them my friends."

"Maybe I know what you mean." I said pensively. "You don't tell me to make up with my father but accept that we have problems with each other. It's one thing I like about you."

"See," he smiled at me, "that would be an answer. I guess you could also say that I try to focus on the positives sides of people, but that would make me sound much wiser and nobler than I am."

"And a naïve idealist." I had said deadpanned.

We both had laughed and Tomohito had continued. "I do believe however that people have more positive sides than negative ones. Especially if one looks closer."

He had looked quite sophisticated when saying that, to my seventeen year old self at least, because I had heard a faint truth ringing in those word, yet he had gone and ruined the moment by taking up his cup and slurping down the mocca-sugar-goop.

"How can you drink that stuff?" I had groaned.

Tomohito had beamed at me with the face of an innocent schoolboy. "It tastes really good. Do you want to try it Haruka-chin?"

"No thanks, I'll pass on that one, but I'll try to leave it be. Although I feel sorry for the mocha to be suffocated in sugar."

At the age of seventeen, I had admired Tomohito a little for his view, but at the same time I had known that I could never act like him, particularly not with my father, for we both lacked the placidity.

But it was partly at least for his placidity that he sat here at my hospital bed now, reading a newspaper to me, telling what went on outside these four walls I was confined to.

The fishermen were once again having trouble with Green Peace, Japan's exports were rising and estimated to surpass last years height, winter was only slowly leaving Hokkaido and the farmers were sceptical about the season. I had listened to Tomohito's voice, not really taking in the contents of what he had been reading as my mind had kept drifting off.

He had left after noon, when my mother had arrived. The next morning he came back, and the morning after as well. He always arrived when the doctors had been done with the mourning routine and then he would read the paper to me.

Like the doctor had told me the day before, he had removed my oxygen mask on the day after my parents had been to see me. Although the removing had been immediately followed by making me promise I wouldn't talk just yet, as he had to have read my eyes, seeing how eager I was to ask questions.

"Tenou-san I know you have a lot to talk about but I advise you not to try and use your voice just yet, you would only inflict unnecessary pain. Your body should be able to regulate your respiration on its own but you still have to keep the catheter to draw the mucus out of your lungs."

Reluctantly I had complied.

On the fourth day of Tomohito's visits, finally, the catheter had been removed from my throat and I had been allowed, at length, to talk.

"Hi." I greeted him in a low, very raspy voice. Instantly Tomohito was at my side when he heard my voice.

"They finally took the catheter out."

"Yes, I can see that." He smiled. "And how are you feeling?"

"A lot better now that I can talk again. And moving goes easier from day to day." To prove my statement I lifted the arm trying to pull over a glass of water from the nightstand. I ended up spilling it over my pillow. Tomohito did his best to wipe the water of with a towel, laughing all the while.

"Haruka, take it easy. I believe you can move your arms better now but your muscles are still weak from being inactive so long. They can't take lift a full glass out of the blue."

"Damn!" I muttered, I should've though as much. But I hadn't and so I was lying on a damp pillow.

Seeing my grumbly face, Tomohito fetched a tray, and a bed-teable which he positioned over me belly.

"How about some tea and rice-soup. Since you have that tube removed from your throat I could feed you some."

His suggestion was meant kindly, I knew, but the thought of being fed repulsed me, I had not been fed since I was a baby. Even when I had my wrist broken when I had been nine, I had refused to have somebody feed me. Instead I had learnt to use the chopsticks with my left hand. Admittedly I had eaten rather clumsily then, but it had worked out.

So I only allowed Tomohito to help me lift the tea cup or steady the bowl of soup, insisting to do as much as possible myself. It took a lot more time to eat than usually, but I preferred it that way. I told his apprehensive face that if I had to rebuild my muscles anyway, I could start right away before they got any more atonic. If that was even possible, my arms felt like rubber bands to me.

Better having rubber bands than numb motionless arms laying at my sides as heavy and useless as logs I told myself.

Tomohito laughed and helped me, ever patient, or better, used to my stubbornness as he was. I longed to ask him for a cup of strong black coffee but didn't as I was quite sure my diet did not include coffee yet. Instead I asked him what I had racked my brains about the last days.

"What happened the day of my accident, how did it all occur?"

Tomohito stopped in mid-motion, for a fraction of a second only, yet I noticed it. He lifted the tray and carried it over to a table as if to gain some time. "Don't you remember that day Haruka?"

"No, not really." Despite all the efforts I had put into recalling what had happened I still hadn't been able to retrieve the events from the pond of my memory. At first I still had not been able to think straight, my mind still dizzy from all the painkillers and sedatives injected to me, and I blamed it on those, but when my mind had got clearer and I had stopped to fade into the blackness of unconsciousness I still had not been able to remember the accident, no matter how hard I had tried.

' _Damn concussion_ _or whatever's blocking my memory!'_

"Maybe we shouldn't talk about that now. You're not supposed to excite yourself just yet." He slowly said. And he didn't look me into my eyes when saying it, but staring down at my hands resting on the bed. Anxiety crept up my back. Tomohito always lookedpeople straight into their faces when talking to them.

"I didn't kill anybody, did I?"

The fear made my raspy voice sound even more hoarse, but he smiled, a little smile that didn't fully reach his eyes. "No, nobody got killed Haruka, you crashed through the guard rail and into the shrubbery, but nobody beside you was hurt, so rest assured."

He gently squeezed my hand. "Let's not talk bout that now. I'll get the newspaper, alright."

I was relieved to know I had not killed another person, for when Tomohito didn't meet my eyes I had anticipated the worst.

Still it was nagging at me. What had happened that he couldn't spill, why didn't he want me to know?

Whatever it was, he Tomohito was not inclined to talk about it anymore that day, his whole behaviour was still kind but close-lipped so I had no choice but to wait.

So I waited, not listening to what he read me, but drifting completely off and adding another question to my list: Why did Asami not drop by to visit me?

I was not surprised that I had not seen father since the day I had woken up, but I surprised my that only Tomohito came on a regular basis, and mother for that matter but on a more irregular basis.

It was unusual for my best friend not to show up even once, when she came over to my home when I had as little as a cold and stayed away from school for a day…


	8. Chapter 7

* * *

  
_When you are born you're afraid of the darkness_   
_And then you're afraid of the light_   
_But I'm not afraid when I dance with my shadow_   


_This time I'm gonna get it right_

* * *

My month became hectic after having agreed to accompany Kaiou-san to every of her social events.

She had told me that she would have the contract set up by Monday, and really, at lunchtime, when most of the employees where out or down in the cafeteria for lunch, Taneguchi appeared, once again, in the bureau's doorway to guide me up to the head office.

I had just been about to join Hiroshi in the cafeteria, but seeing Taneguchi standing silently in the door, I put my wallet back in the desk and followed her.

Her heels clicked loudly in the deserted corridor. I hated the sound, as it made me feel a bit queasy. I didn't know what to make of that woman and that was what made me uneasy, for usually I was rather apt when it came to judging people.

Taneguchi was not that much older than I. I guessed her age to be thirty, maybe even twenty-nine, yet she didn't dress like that. Her looks were austere to say it best. Whenever I had seen her so far, Taneguchi had worn a knee-length skirt combined with a blouse and a blazer, usually all in muted colours, as if she was afraid to attract too much attention. It could not be however, as this didn't fit with the air of cool control she was emitting. In fact I had heard colleagues call her robot behind her back, for the lack of any emotions in her actions and the efficiency with which she went about. Although those words were partly nurtured by envy, they seemed kind of fitting for Taneguchi.

However, worst to me were Taneguchi's eyes. She wore half rimmed spectacles and the looks she shot through them were piercing.

I didn't know how to deal with her properly, I always expected her to see right through my disguise. Her cold demeanour did nothing to lighten this.

"Don't you have lunch break now, Taneguchi-san?" I asked her in an attempt to break the onerous silence when we entered the elevator.

She slowly turned her head to me, responding seemingly without moving one single muscle in her stony face. "I eat at my desk." Then she stared at the metal doors of the elevator again.

' _Frigid cow.'_

I resigned myself to watching the display showing the changing of floors, mentally trying to speed it up. The ride ended half a minute later, to my relief and just like last time Taneguchi left me standing in the middle of the anteroom, walked to her desk, pressed the button on her intercom and told the little box "Tenou-san is here.".

She didn't bother to look at me again, but instantly started to type on her computer, so I just went to the door and entered after a brief knock.

"Tenou-san" Kaiou-san greeted me, friendly but reserved. "Come here."

After inclining my head to a short bow, I followed her request and walked up to her desk. The papers laid out there on the polished surface of her desk I expected to be the contract Kaiou-san had spoken of. Yet all those papers were printed from top to bottom and nowhere a line to drop a signature down onto it, at least as far as I could tell from one glance. "I'm sorry to keep you from your lunch, Tenou-san, but surely you understand that I couldn't call you into my office when the office was running full-speed, for this matter." And for a fraction her polite face really showed something like sorry, if it was alright for me to be called here, but then again it might have been the light.

"Of course, I understand."

"Very well, I am glad to hear that. In this case, here's your contract, you will find the circumstances written down as we discussed them on Friday, if you'll read it."

I turned the paper she slid over around, only skimming through the document before I placed my signature in one swift move on the dotted line. "I'll trust Kaiou-san that she has the details arranged." I told her sincerely. However little else I knew about the woman in front of me, I had experienced her as a very proud and upright person, a fact that made me certain she wouldn't cheat another person.

She gave a small smile at my words. "Then I feel honoured about Tenou-san's trust. Here is a list with all the up-coming dates. I'll see you on Thursday evening."

Gingerly I took the list out of her hand and, bowing once more, I exited. As I closed the door I noticed Taneguchi's place to be empty, and felt pleased that I wouldn't have to wait for the elevator under her scrutinizing looks, but when I fully turned around, she stood in the middle of the room, right in front of me.

"I suppose this is your list." She stated without warning, giving a fling towards the paper in my hand.

I eyed her with my typical 'so-what-about-it' look, a thing I had practised for years on my father. "Yes it is."

We stood facing each other, motionless, three metres apart, as if held back by invisible barriers. Taneguchi's eyes stared straight at mine, yet I held her look. Not that were suddenly comfortable or at least not at unease in her presence, but her accusing voice and posture made my native stubbornness kick in.

"Would you mind letting me pass through?" I asked her in the most sweetly-polite tone I could muster.

She completely ignored what I had just said. "I hope it you know what you're assigning yourself to, Tenou-san."

"Why, do you doubt the decisions of Kaiou-san?" I innocently asked her.

Taneguchi adjusted her glasses. "I do not doubt any actions Michiru-sama see fit." Her voice was icy. "Yet I am not so sure about your own person. I believe there's more than meets the eye when it comes to you."

Although her tone was even and measured, I felt a chill run down my spine. "I hope what's behind your appearance does not diminish the good impression you give."

I stared at her. Taneguchi had just verbally punched me in the guts.

"Have a good day, Tenou-san." Mimicking my sweet smile from before, she settled herself behind her desk again.

I hurried over to the elevator and pushed the button several times though of course it didn't make the damn thing come any faster. She didn't know I was a woman, she couldn't know, but her word hit close enough to home, to make me want nothing more than leave the floor and get back to my own desk.

I was sure I could feel Taneguchi's smug grin in my back until the metal doors of the elevator slid shut; a mental image quite close to a wildcat looming down on his prey before sinking its fangs in.

I let out a deep sigh of relief once the doors had safely separated me from the woman.

Once down in our office, I finally fetched my wallet and sprinted down to the cafeteria, where Hiroshi was already waiting, rather impatiently. He waved my over, so I grabbed the first salad on the counter.

"Where have you been Tenou? You said you'll be down in a minute. It's been nearly twenty minutes now."

Hiroshi was annoyed, as usual when things didn't exactly go his way, like when his coffee was too cold, when the computer was booting too lame or when his counterpart was too slow on comprehending him. Or when he had to wait to start his lunch, as now.

"Sorry." I mumbled. "I got an … urgent call."

"Urgent call, eh?"

I didn't not want him to pursue the issue further. "Now let's eat, I'm starving!" It was a hasty transition, and neither a good one, but I picked up my fork, digging into my salad. Knowing Hiroshi, I hoped he would be hungry enough to let it slide, though he wasn't.

"Pray tell, what kind of urgent call was it that kept you?"

I held my eyes fixed on my plate, stuffing my mouth with food to evade a reply, because what could I have told him?

Even if I had wanted to tell him the truth, which was not the case since I still felt a certain discrepancy on the subject of going out with my boss, I could not talk about it for the contract I had just signed included an article of secrecy.

Hiroshi smirked at me. "What are you looking away like that? Don't tell me you got a call from your new girlfriend."

Immediately my head shot up. "NO!" Exactly a millisecond too late did I realize my reaction to be too extreme, like a schoolboy accused to have a crush; adding in a more moderate voice, "I have no girlfriend, as you well know. Look just let it drop, the matter's settled and you were the one who wanted to eat so badly. Do it before the break's over." He laughed at me, shrugged and finally tended to his noodles.

My first appointment was Thursday evening, till then I would have to get me another suit from Asami, as I had run out of formal suits to wear. And maybe I should stock up my shirts as well while I was at it. It was foreseeable that I would need some more in the near future.

I thought about what my best friend might say when I told her I was engaged as something along the lines of a host. Probably she'd either declare me deprived of sanity or laugh her ass of, and then of course she'd lecture me again. Whatever her reaction would be, I wanted to see it for myself.

Thus I called her right on Monday evening, asking if I could come by the next day to pick up a new suit for Thursday. On the phone, Asami's only comment was a dry "I was wondering when you would come up with your next date.", before she told me to be at her apartment at seven o'clock the next evening.

On the minute I rang at her door on Tuesday and was let in. "Come in." Asami said. "I've already laid something out for you."

She padded away trough the carpeted living room with me in tow into her bedroom. There, atop the covers she had laid a suit of shiny midnightblue. Next to it were three or four shirts all in different colours. "Nice selection." I nodded approvingly. Asami smiled at my praise. "I've taken these home from the shop. You should try them on, 'cause we'll probably need to modify the cut a bit for you to fit."

I started to change and Asami sat down on the edge of her bed waiting to pin the length and breadth of the suit. "So what has become to the one-time experience?" she suddenly asked. "It seems to have evolved into a several –times experience." I shrugged, trying on the turquoise shirt. It was the same colour as Kaiou-san's hair. "I've gotten a contract for the whole month."

Asami started to laugh. "Yeah sure, Haruka. And I'm finally in a working relationship."

"You never told me that." I deadpanned and she eyed me suspiciously. "You were joking right?"

I simply walked over to my discarded jacket and drew out the contract. I had suspected she wouldn't believe it without evidence. When offered the folded paper her eyes swung unsure between my and the paper before taking it slowly. She opened it and with every line she read her features became more stunned. It was my time to laugh now. Asami gaped when she had finished reading. "She has taken you up as a host?!"

I calmly buttoned up the shirt. "No, haven't you read it, there's not a word about any sexual actions I have to perform. I think chaperone might be a more appropriate term."

"Whatever, but did you really accept it?" she fluttered the paper in front of my face.

"Well, there's my signature on the bottom-line, isn't there. I think you must shorten the trousers, they're too long."

"Be serious for a minute!" Asami shouted, unnerved. "What is this all about Haruka? Is this a childish stubborn way of you to prove something to your father by dressing up and going out with a women?"

I halted before the top button. I hadn't looked at it from that angle. "Maybe, I don't know." I said quietly. "But I am doing this because I want to."

"Fine." The contract was thrown on the bed. "I know there's no cure against your bullhead." A quick glance and needles were placed exactly in all the right places.

"When is your next "date" after Thursday?" she asked, needles clenched in the corner of her mouth. "On Saturday evening."

"Okay," she said slowly, "then I'd say you come to me for lunch on Saturday and then I'll take the measures for another couple of suits. You're going to need them, aren't you."

I could have kissed her. "You're the best Asami!"

She stood up and grinned. "Well then, treat me to dinner."

After I had spent the whole Saturday afternoon trying on suit, having them marked and re-sewn by Asami and posing for her to take pictures – as possible advertisings as she told me – I left her apartment with a new suit and shirt for the evening and Asami's promise to make the rest ready within the week to come. I had no idea how anybody could desire to be a model, it was only exertive and tiring.

It was a noble hotel were Kaiou-san took me this evening, a ball no less. I helped her out of her coat and handed it over to the boy doing his duty at the coat rack. Once again I found myself stunned for a moment, just standing there trying, futile, to mesmerize her beauty as she stood there in front of the ballroom doors, her dress, pure white this time with long white gloves to go with it, floating around her beautiful figure. A goddess carved in marble. I shook myself out of the reverie and walked up to her, offering her my arm. "Shall we go inside then?"

We did, into a ballroom lavishly decorated with red velvet curtains on the room high windows, chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and rose bouquets on each and every table so large one had difficulties finding space to squeeze in a glass, let alone a plate. It was an exorbitant yet splendid sight and Kaiou Michiru fitted in like the princess missing in this room.

She indicated a table right next to the dance floor on the other side of the room to which I led her over. Once in sight of the table the usual greeting ceremonial set in:

"Nice to see you again." A little bow. - "Nice to see you again, too." Another bow.

"Who's the handsome man at your sight?" A glance of thinly veiled curiosity in my direction. – "Tenou Haruka-san, the company's new protégé." A bow from my part with a smiling "Pleased to make your acquaintance." And when we were finally through the eight other persons at the table we were able to sit down ourselves, just to be placed before the task of eating a whole 5 course meal on the already overtly crowded table.

I was relieved when the desserts were finally carried off. The table engaged in mindless conversation, the latest stock market expectations, the overtake of some company and other affairs which did not concern me. Occasionally they would switch their attention to me, asking my a question about my work at KaiouCom, who long I had been working there, what field I specialised in, which I answered dutifully, otherwise watching the crowd around us and sipping my water.

At one point, Kaiou-san leaned over to me. I only noticed when she gently nudged me in my side. "Tenou-san." She whispered to me, as if not to draw attention to us. A concern unnecessary at the moment as the others were still talking animatedly. "Do you know how to dance?" she asked me, taking me by surprise.

Up until she asked, I had not noticed that there was a band at the front side of the room playing, although they most likely had been playing all evening, even when we had entered earlier, but to me they had just blended in with the rest scenery of the room. They played actually good, I noticed as I listened to them now.

"Yes, I can dance." I said and after a pause, when I got what she wanted I held out my palm and asked her. "Would you like to dance, Kaiou-san?"

She breathed a yes and we excused ourselves from the table. "Thank god." She told me once we had made our first tentative steps to the melody of the band. "I didn't know how much longer I could have born their talk." "You did not show a sign of that at the table." I marked with a wry smile. Kaiou-san laughed. "I've been trained well, haven't I?"

I laughed back. "It appears."

I could not say for how long we danced, it must have been several songs, but it felt wonderful. Although we certainly had never danced together before each step seemed to fit perfectly, a slight tug or press of my hand at her blade bone and she reacted exactly right, as if we had done this for years.

When Kaiou-san suggested we should go back to our table and have a drink I was only the tiniest bit out of breath yet I agreed. However, letting go of her I felt lost for a second. Dancing with her had felt so naturally, being with her fitting, without her hand in mine I felt less complete, as odd as it sounded.

As soon as we had reached our table a man appeared at Kaiou-san's side asking her for the next dance before she even could sit down again. "What a pleasure to meet you here Michiru-san. How about a dance with a grown man?"

He had shoved himself up in front of me, acting as if I were non-existent igniting an instant dislike in me. Obviously though Kaiou-san knew him, otherwise he would be more than impolite addressing her by her first name. She complied, his hand already enclosing her slender one to drag her away, as she remained to speak to me. "Please wait here Tenou-san, I shall be back soon."

"Oh, leave the young guy, it's not like he could run away from you." He laughed raucously and pulled her with him. I shot a mental dagger at him and resigned myself to watching the crowd. More accurately I glued my eyes to the pair of them watching their every move along the dance floor. To my satisfaction he was nowhere as good as me in dancing.

As the melody faded, I watched her disentangle herself form the man, curtly bowing her head, before she hurried across the dance floor as fast as it was acceptable for a lady of her status. And while the other guests around us where still politely clapping their hands together to show their pleasure about the last piece of music, Kaiou-san came up in front of my chair. Even before she had fully come to a halt, she was already speaking. "Tenou-san, stand up."

Obediently I did as she Kaiou-san commanded me, even if I had no clear idea of what was going on.

"I'm sorry to be this rude and I know normally the man should ask the woman to dance, but I have to insist, you lead me on the floor right now as I've told Tanaka-san I had the next dance promised to you." Michiru had uttered her explanation in a low, and very rapid way for her standards. I smiled and offered her my arm.

Walking back on the dance floor where the music was just beginning to set in again, I muttered to her "I was surprised that you were able to endure him for three long dances. I have taken the liberty of watching him a bit and I must say even if he had not stepped on your feet at least once per dance he'd still be a rather poor dancer."

"Oh, there are a lot of things women are capable of if class and their economical interests demand it." She laughed.

I smiled along and shot a quick look to Tanaka. He was still standing on the same spot where Michiru had abandoned him, glaring over to her with evident displeasure.

The corners of my mouth went up a little more, before I focused back on my boss. Gingerly I took her right hand in my left hand and placed the other on her back, just below her bladebone to guide and hold her firmly. The band played a cheerful foxtrot and we moved over the floor with the other pairs. Smoothly I steered the two of us through the crowd, inserting a turn every now and then as well as some more complex figures if we had the space.

"You were right Tenou-san, he was really a pain." Michiru giggled when she seemingly had spotted Tanaka in passing. "I am very glad to say that you are a total opposite though. I never knew you could dance so well."

"Thank you very much." I replied a made a quick left turn before we could collide with another pair.

Innerly I thanked my father for insisting that I learnt not only traditional Japanese dances, which I had hated as hell, but also modern and European dances, which I liked much more. However, at the moment I felt most grateful towards Tomohito would had shown me men's steps and how to lead properly out on a whim.

"I may say the same about you, Kaiou-san. Where did you learn to do dance so wonderful?"

"I spent my middle school years on a boarding school in Europe. All girls had to take dancing lessons there." She told me. "And what about you?"

"Oh, a friend showed me when we were in high school." I told her, making it sound as if it was nothing.

As the dance ended I slowly let go of Kaiou-san, participating in the usual round of applause for the band, before they started up the next tune. It was slower than the foxtrot just now, more rhythmic and expressive, a melody I had not heard yet this evening: a tango.

"Would you like to dance this one, too?" I asked her. Michiru lifted her eyes from the band and settled her gaze on me instead. "Yes, that would be nice." She answered with a smile.

Gingerly I took her hand again and put my other firmly on her back, after all tango was the dance where the most body tension was required to look good. As I had already perceived this evening, Kaiou-san was an excellent dancer herself. The natural grace she carried herself with, amplified when she was gliding over the dance floor.

Cautiously I tested the waters, starting out with the easier figures. I had been a while since I had last gotten to do a tango and this place was not one where I wanted to ruin it by embarrassing Kaiou-san and myself.

After the first turn, I gained more confidence. The next long side we took in a stride with forceful, long steps. Adjusting my hand a little before it slipped, I pulled Kaiou-san a bit closer to me. Two cross-steps, a spin and I had her encircled in my arms.  
Never, I realized, as her hair brushed against my lapels and I could smell her scent, had I been this close to Kaiou-san. Breathing in her intoxicating perfume, I had to remind myself to continue to move. Two steps to the right. Our hips swayed from side to side in unison, and she was almost grinding her hips against mine, our clothes and maybe two inches of air where all the space left between us. Her waist was slender, almost slim, if pressing closer, I could have almost encircled her twice with my arms. A cross-step to the left. It was a pointed movement, Michiru thrusting out her right leg like a lance, her toes barely gracing the ground, before she slowly, sensually pulled it back. A little tug at her hands and she was leaning against me, letting me pull her backwards two steps. I raised her hands above her head and with another spin Michiru was out of my arms again. One rocking-step, a second one. We looked into each others eye instead of past our faces. Without thinking, on an impulse, I pulled her to me. My right hand settled on the centre of her back, giving her a hold before I bent her backwards. She slowly leant back with me following her every motion to the point where I briefly wondered in my head whether a human back could even bend so much. Another part of me was happy I was no man, otherwise all I could have done was staring down her cleavage, presented right before my eyes.

We rotated our upper bodies once, to lift ourselves up again, as deliberately and sensually as we had gone down. The music was ascending to a last crescendo. I lead her into another cross-walk complete with turn. Then I grabbed her leg, right below her behind pulling it up. As soon as I realized where I had been touching her I was about to let go of Kaiou-san's leg but to my surprise she went along, wrapping her leg around my waist and throwing her head back as if in storming pleasure. With a last chord the music died away. Our eyes locked. My hand travelled down her thigh to fall back at my side and her leg slid down my trousers, a bit more slowly then perhaps necessary. When Michiru was safely standing on her two legs again I let go of her. We were standing right in the middle of the dance floor, staring into each others eyes and panting slightly. On their own accord my eyes briefly flicked down to her parted lips. A lovely mouth hiding a sharp tongue. Something was about to transpire in this moment as reality had to set back in again and it did so in the person of Tanaka. He had marched up from behind roughly grabbing my shoulder and spinning me around without warning. His face was all red and contorted to an ugly grimace of anger. Being roughly one head shorter than me he grabbed my collar pulling me down to his face level before shouting at me.

"What do you think you're doing pulling off a shameless show like that? You are a meek employee, how do you dare touch a woman off Michiru-chan's status that way."

Hearing this forty-something guy address her so inappropriately intimate with Michiru-chan while his eyes had been glued to her cleavage earlier irked me considerably.

"Kaiou-san did not voice any complaints though." I smugly replied. His words made it clear that he thought himself much more appropriate to touch Kaiou-san such and likely more ways. Ways she'd appreciate less than dancing with him, I imagined.

"You insolent…" For a moment I though Tanaka was going to hit me, but instead he let go of my collar and splashed the contents of his wineglass into my face.

"Haruka-san." Michiru gasped behind me.

"Are you finished now?" I asked him coldly, wiping the liquid from my face with a handkerchief. A glance down my front affirmed what I had already feared. The suit was ruined. The red wine had spilled and dripped down onto my cream-colored suit jacket, tainting the fine tissue. Tanaka's eyes were fixed on the crimson stains on my chest, the bloodlike blotches decorating my front like a wound. "You were taken here by the benevolent will of Michiru, you would do better not to forget that you actually do not belong here." He hissed.

"That is enough." Kaiou-san's firm voice erupted behind me. Stepping past me, she built herself up in front of Tanaka. She was as tall as him, indeed on her high heels, she was even a little taller than Tanaka and Kaiou-san's eyes were piercing him when she started to speak in her low and steely voice.

"Tenou-san is an employee with valuable potential, more than other persons in this room. And" a dangerous edge crept into her voice at that point. "In case you have forgotten, Tanaka-san, I am no longer the director's little daughter. I am the acting director. You would do better not vilifying persons high in my esteem, otherwise the good cooperation of our companies may deteriorate. Have I made my point clear?"

"Yes, you have, Kaiou-san." His voice was considerably smaller than before. The low voice in which Kaiou-san had spoken to him and the quiet surrounding her words seemed to have alerted him of the fact that others were listening and watching. In fact, by now the whole room had his eyes transfixed on the little scene he had induced. The knowledge he was making a fool of himself was sinking in as he became aware of the eyes placed on him.

"Tenou-san we're leaving. The guests here are not the kind of people I spend my time with."

I grinned at the pitiful man Tanaka now was, offered my arm to Kaiou-san and led her out into the hall.

"Thank you for defending my honour." I told her, helping her into her coat. She turned around facing me. It was almost as close as when we had been dancing. "I should be grateful that you didn't make the scene worse." Her hand rested on my elbow, spreading warmth through me. "Plus, I actually enjoyed being able to tell him off for once." A beautiful impish smile blossomed on her face and I found myself returning it, being her accomplice. The moment drew on, as if something was yet missing as we were standing there, looking into each other's eyes, but then it was broken by wave of chatter and music as the doors to the ballroom briefly opened and she took away her hand.

I looked down onto my arm for a second and then collected myself. "I should take you to your car." I said. She nodded and we walked out in silence.

The next afternoon, when I still had not figured out a way to tell Asami that I had her beautiful suit covered with hard-to-erase red wine, the corpus delicti hanging on my wardrobe as a reminder, my phone rang.

' _Shit'_

On the assumption Asami would be calling I stared at the phone a bit, but it wouldn't stop ringing so I picked up. To my surprise it was not Asami asking how last night had gone but the beautiful lady I had walked to her car no 15 hours earlier.

"Tenou Haruka speaking."

"Good afternoon Tenou-san, I'm glad I caught you. I would like to apologize for the last evening."

"Oh no, it's okay. Don't worry about it." I answered almost automatically. It puzzled me that she was calling all for that reason. After all she was my boss and this was not even related to work.

"No, I feel guilty for your suit and the insults Tanaka threw at you. I know this man from former occasions and I knew it would be making him jealous if I left to dance with you just as I know he's not good at holding his temper. I should have foreseen his actions."

"It is alright, do not worry about it Kaiou-san. Dancing with you and seeing how he made a fool out of himself more than made up for it." I tried brushing it off.

"Thank you for the compliment, nevertheless I'll pay for the cleaning and I want to make some amends to you. Would you like an extra pay check or do you have another wish?"

More money was not really a thing I desired, sure my father didn't send large sums anymore but I got by well on the money I earned and for emergencies my bank account held a little cushion. It would have felt as if she was buying me, making everything up with money.

"I told you Kaiou-san this is not necessary. I won't have you pay me for such a ridiculous thing as standing between my boss and a drunken bothersome man."

"It is nice that you are being all polite and chivalrous Tenou-san but I dragged you into this and I insist on making it up, so name your wish." She delivered the last sentence in the same steely no-objections voice she used on Tanaka last night.

I thought hard what I could tell her. My gaze drifted around my living-room, caught on a brightly coloured pamphlet and two tickets next to it and suddenly from the back of my mind and before I could think too much about whether it would be too impertinent to ask, my mouth acted.

"Would Kaiou-san like to got to the museum with me tomorrow? I've got tickets for the exhibition and my friend is not able to come."

True, Asami had given me her ticket back, saying she had a dress to finish, but asking my boss to come instead of my best friend was a lunatic action, now that I though about it. Yet it was too late to take the question back.

"Let me see if I'm free this Sunday…" she said and the phone was temporarily put down with a soft thud. A sigh of relief breathed from my lips. I knew what would happen in the following minute. She would wait for a moment, maybe do some shuffling of papers being turned as if she had looked in her calendar, then decline and I'd be an obtrusive fool not much better than Tanaka. End of story.

The phone was picked up again. "Yes, I'd like that very much. I'll meet you at two o'clock in front of the museum."

I sat on the couch staring incredulously at the phone in my hand. Then I would have to dress myself up as a man tomorrow as well.


	9. Chapter 8

* * *

  
_Want to feel the warm breeze_   
_Sleep under a palm tree_   
_Feel the rush of the ocean_   
_Get on board a fast train_   
_Travel on a jet plane_   
_Far away and breakaway_   


* * *

True to her word Michiru met up with me at the entrance of the museum the following day. I spotted her immediately when I arrived. She caught my eye, being the kind of woman who stood out of the crowd wherever she was. Although she did not dress up today but wore simple brown skirt and a cream coloured blouse her natural beauty could not go unnoticed. And a swift look around certified the fact that I was not the only one who could not keep himself from looking at Kaiou Michiru.

Quickly I jogged up the remaining stairs to stop those prying eyes. Today she was here with me and those people could stare, but they would not have her.

"Hello Kaiou-san." I said when I finally reached her. She turned around and the polite smile she kept wearing day in day out in the office lit up into a brighter version as if she were truly happy to see me. "Hello Tenou-san."

' _There must be something more you can say to her than just hello.'_

But now that I wasn't playing her date, I was unsure how to act. In my evening suit, taken along to parties, I knew what kind of behaviour was expected of me, but being with Michiru now on my own felt foreign.

"This is the first time I see you not wearing an evening gown or a business suit." It was one of the most stupid things I could have said, surely ranking somewhere in the top five. Not that I would have liked to think of four equally bad alternatives. Time for some damage control.

"What I wanted to say is, you look good." I added with a sheepish grin.

Michiru giggled. "I could say the same about you Tenou-san."

"Well, since we're both here, we might as well get inside." I said, taking her by the arm and leading her towards the entrance.

It troubled me that I was feeling so insecure around her today but somehow I couldn't quite help it. From whatever angle I looked at it, it was a strange situation; Michiru was an amiable woman my own age so there shouldn't be a problem going someplace with her like friends do, but on the other side she was also my boss, a thought I could not scrap from my mind. To my wonder however she did not seem to mind this particular fact, that she was meeting up with a subordinate, at all. Michiru seemed to be perfectly at ease, so I told myself to just be normal.

' _Act like you're with Asami.'_

I pulled out the tickets, handed them to the young boy at the counter and we entered the exhibition spaces to be greeted with the typical museum's atmosphere of hushed silence bordering on creepy, along with the occasional echoes of heels clacking on the tiles in further rooms. Sure, the rooms would not be so impressive had they had lower ceilings, but it sure would do some good to the acoustics. We followed the signs up the stairs to the upper floor where the new exhibition, a collection of paintings from the late 18th century to the middle of the 19th century, mainly by European artists, was held.

I had to say I knew very little about them. Sure, I had picked up a few names of well-known artist such as Monet, Cézanne or Picasso, but if seated in front of painting I would never have been able to tell the painter, except for Picasso that is; the guy had a quite remarkable style after all. Nevertheless I enjoyed arts, and in this case, I enjoyed the glimpse into other cultures so different from the one I had been raised in that they provided.

Looking at pictures of women strolling through large grasslands amongst flowers grown wild I pondered what I might have felt like to run down those lush green hills wearing a light dress with flying skirts instead of scurrying gravel paths with tiny steps dressed in a heavy kimono. I envisioned it to be nice, to feel the wind tugging at you.

As I had said, whilst I appreciated art I was far from being an adept. Asami, who had studied art for two semesters before she had changed her course of studies, had called me horribly ignorant once back in university when she had presented some of her works to me. Only because of my lapse mistaking her watercolours for oil paint, which bestowed upon me a lecture on how different those two exactly were. I had replied to Asami that I didn't care what colours or techniques she had used if the results of it were so beautiful; for I had admired her creation. My dear Asami in turn had smacked me on the head calling me hopeless, yet she had beamed upon my praise.

Slowly walking by the rows of paintings made me realize quickly my boss was more knowledgeable about art and painters than Asami had ever been, I would almost go as far as to call her an expert. She studied some of the frames with an intense scrutiny, which almost made me wonder if she was searching for something in them, followed by sentences like this: "This picture is a classical example of impressionism, just look the short brush strokes and the clear, strong colours used here."

She knew something to say about the majority of the paintings we passed; maybe she knew something to say all of them, it wouldn't have surprised me, but maybe she simply kept the rest to herself.

"Do you see this woman Tenou-san?" she asked me, indicating the portrait of a middle aged woman.

"Yes, what is it about her?" I asked.

"This is Hortense Cézanne, the wife of Paul Cézanne. Although he married her only to secure the status of their son as his heir, she was the person he painted most. She must have been a very patient woman, for over 20 portraits of her exist." And as I followed Michiru's fingers I saw four more portraits of Hortense lining the walls of the room.

"Was Cézanne a very troubled person?" I found myself asking, intrigued by the information on the relationship with his wife. Michiru laughed softly. "Aren't we all troubled in some sense?" and then she strode of into the next room where she told me about the excellent use of shadows and light on one painting. I agreed with her that the artist must have been a genius.

Every once in a while, however, I found myself not watching the pictures but watching Michiru while she in turn was looking at the artworks. Her face, which had depicted nothing but calmness and detached pleasantness on the parties I had gone with her, now shone lively among these wooden frames. When she told me about painting techniques and colour compositions her voice had a warm quality as if she wanted to cradle the words; so utterly different from the cool CEO she was in the office. I wondered if Michiru herself was aware of that.

' _That guy who stood her up on the gallery opening must really be an idiot. Who could not enjoy spending time with her?'_

I looked Michiru up and down once again, when I was sure she would notice, so that she would not think I was staring at her. She would definitely look gorgeous in a white flowing dress in the middle of an ocean of green grass. If she had lived in his time, Monet should have drawn Kaiou Michiru.

The name Monet stirred me out of my thoughts.

"Did you know that although Monet's lily pond is one of his most famous works, he wasn't keen on doing landscape paintings at all when he began his career as an artist? He preferred drawing people much more."

"No, I had no idea." I answered. "Say Kaiou-san, do you know the biography of each and every artist assembled here by heart?"

Michiru, already on her way into the next room stopped in her stride. When she turned around her face showed her business aloofness. "I'm sorry if my explanations bored you Tenou-san."

I had the grace to blush a little, realizing the insult my casual remark had implicated. "No, I wasn't bored at all; I'm the one who should apologize." Looking straight into her eyes I hoped she would see I was sincere. "It was meant to be a joke, not an insult. On the contrary I am more than impressed by your knowledge Kaiou-san."

Anxiously I raked a hand through my hair, waiting for her reply.

"Really?" She raised an eyebrow. "I got the impression you were not that interested in art."

"Why would I have invited you here today of all place if I didn't like art?" I asked incredulously.

"Well for one thing, you might have invited me simply as a replacement for whoever you bought the tickets with." Michiru replied cooly.

I made a few steps towards her. "You were no replacement Kaiou-san. I wanted to come here anyway, even if you would have declined. But it's much more delightful in your presence."

Michiru's face was still stoney, her guard remained up, but she did not edge back when I came closer.

"But when we were at the gallery opening two weeks ago you didn't look very pleased to be there. You had a rather contempt look for the pictures." She remarked.

I remembered the evening clearly; it had been our first evening out. She must have been a good observer, if she had noticed it.

"I did not think you had spotted that, but you weren't wrong there, in fact I really did not like the stuff they had in this gallery very much. All the works there seemed so–" I fumbled for an appropriate word "so soulless, if you know what I mean."

Obviously she did not know what I meant, as she looked at me quizzically. Putting my intuitional opinion on art into words was not that easy.

"What I mean is that as far as I'm concerned, it's not important what a painting depicts, what specific technique the artist used, but that it radiates a feeling; a personal involvement of the artist so to say."

She seemed to be getting my drift, so I explained further to make my point clear.

"It has been my opinion, that deep down all persons share one common wish: to be free. Most of them try to come near this wish with their hobbies. One person might feel freedom in physical exercise, another one might be absorbed in making music or singing and the next person paints, but every action is fuelled by an inner emotion. This drive is what I missed in all those modern art thingies last time, hence why I did not like them." I concluded waiting what her response would be. She contemplated my words for a moment. "This is an unusual view on art but an interesting one nevertheless." She finally said.

"Yes, well…" but I was cut short by her. " I think I like it." She said. "So you won't mind hearing me tell you a bit more about the next room, where the works of Picasso are exhibited." Kaiou-san winked.

I smiled and linked arms with her. "I'd love to."

* * *

When we left the cool interior of the museum the hottest time of the day had already passed on into a pleasantly warm afternoon. On a whim I asked Kaiou-san if she would like to drink a cup of coffee in a nice coffee bar down in the Tokyo Bay area. She accepted.

Asked where she had parked her car, my boss told me she had been brought here by her chauffeur and so I led her to my car. She admired the midnight blue body satisfying me a great deal.

"I didn't know KaiouKom paid this well." She smirked.

Laughing I patted the car wing. "No, sadly I could not afford that beauty from my salary alone. I bought it with savings I got from my father. I could not withstand the temptation when I saw the car in the shop."

My boss laughed as well and I woke up the engine and speed towards the bay area.

Kaiou-san kept quiet for the time of our drive, her eyes fixated on the ocean, whenever I flicked my gaze from the road to her. I let her be and concentrated on the road.

When we had gotten our coffees she spoke up. "You never mentioned you father before Tenou-san, except for your first job interview."

Instinctively I clutched my cappuccino in both hands. "There was no need to bring him up, he's not related to my job or anything." I said evasively.

Kaiou-san stirred in her Latte Macchiato and we both watched the black and white liquids mingling.

"You did not get along well." It was no question.

I nodded. Her keen sense in reading people astonished me. And something her soft voice made me continue instead of changing the topic. "A lot of things happened, they piled up between my father and me. I don't like to talk about it."

I expected her to reprimand me for not caring to reconcile with my father like the well-bred daughter she was raised to be should, but Kaiou-san only regarded me with an understanding gaze. "I'm sorry for bringing it up Tenou-san."

I shrugged. "It's okay." And we both sipped at our coffees silently.

For me the chapter about my father had been closed, and unless he would apologize first and recognize my wishes I had absolutely no desire to reopen it. The chances that he would apologize were slim however, considering his stubbornness.

"Say Tenou-san if it's not rude," my boss said, once again breaking the silence we had lapsed in to. "I've asked myself: what do you do to feel free?"

I had not shared my concept of striving for freedom with anybody so far besides Asami, less a person I knew so little about as Kaiou Michiru, but, whether because she had pondered my words so much or simply because of the fond memories evoked by her question, a smile crept on my face and I answered her. "I used to race."

"Where?"

"I started off with running on my own, simply to get away, to stay in motion. In middle school I joined the track and field club much to the delight of our coach, but honestly I did not care about the rank I achieved. I only loved the feeling of the wind rushing past me. At times I though that if I would run just a bit faster I might ride upon the wind, up into the sky…" I bit my tongue, realizing I had gotten carried away. "Sorry, that must have sounded pretty stupid." I mumbled.

But Kaiou-san shook her head. "Not at all." Hesitating a moment she went on. "Let me tell you something about myself. I'm a painter, I don't know if you had guessed it, but I am. And whenever I am painting I imagine being able to dive into what I am creating on the canvas. I wish to be in there… Maybe it's the same kind of feeling." She ended softly.

"I'm sure it is." I said quietly.

For the first time I found myself thinking that we might have something more in common, besides being the daughters of rich business men. I wanted to take her hand then, ask her much more about her past to see if we shared even more, but I remembered that I was a man in her eyes and reaching for her hand like this could be easily misunderstood. And so the moment passed as quickly as it had come.

"I'm sure you're painting are beautiful Kaiou-san."

She laughed. "Don't say that before you've seen them. I'm not into flattery. But tell me, do you still race?"

"No." I shook my head. "I left the track in high school and started doing motorbike races because the power of the engine and the high velocity drew me. I was quite successful on the circuit, but then I had an accident when I had been driving in the rain one day and lost control over the bike and I was hospitalized. Combined with the physical therapy it took four months until I was completely healed again." I took a sip from my coffee, which had almost gone cold by now. "That was right before I came to Tokyo. Now all I do is crawling around the city in a sports car which could go a lot faster."

Contrary to what I had shouted at father and Tomohito I had yet to mount my bike again. Of course it was still there, down in the garage beneath my apartment as I had had it repaired and brought to Tokyo. But no matter how many times I had walked down to it, caressing the chrome, stroking the handles lovingly, a tiny yet mighty part of me - which I disavowed existence – was still afraid and keeping me from taking the bike out of it's prison into the sunlight and the wind. It was an irrational fear, a weakness, and I despised myself for it.

Michiru smiled encouragingly at me, as if she knew my secret fear. "I hope you will ride your bike again soon. We all need to stretch our wings from time to time."

I touched her hand briefly, thankfully.

"Yes we do."

It was getting late and our cups were both emptied by now. Gallantly I paid the bill before Michiru had a chance to protest and, once again, I offered to drive her home. Unlike the last times she accepted today.

* * *

While I drove back into the net of Tokyo's still bustling streets Michiru was quiet again, in deep contemplation; of what, I did not now. She only spoke to give me directions and in those moments her voice sounded far off.

As it was expected when she announced we had reached our destination we were in Azabu, a location befitting her status as CEO of KaiouKom.

I opened the car door for her and she got out. Instead of walking into the apartment building however, she just stood in front of me, looking at me. I returned her gaze unsure how I should say goodbye to her, but she freed me from this task.

"It was a very nice day. Thank you Tenou-kun."

"Yes, I think it was." I said, raking a hand through my short hair. "We could do something like that again, if you want to, that is."

"I'd like that very much." Michiru said, then she bowed and headed towards the doors. After a last glance back over her shoulder she vanished inside.

I sat in my midnight blue car, thinking what an intriguing person Kaiou Michiru was. We had more things in common than I had thought and after today I felt the desire to get to know her better. I was drawn to her.

My mind was so occupied with her that I missed three red lights.


	10. Chapter 9

* * *

  
_When you get to the bottom_   
_You go back to the top of the slide_   
_And you stop and you turn_   
_And you go for a ride_   
_Till you get to the bottom_   


* * *

Ever since the day the oxygen mask had been removed from my face and I had been able to talk again I had pestered the nurses and the doctor about when I would finally be allowed to stand up again. On the first days the nurses had pity on me and had tried to cheer me up, but after a week they had simply shoved the thermometer my mouth to keep me quiet. The doctor, Hideki-sensei as I had learned, had always said "Not yet.", examining me silently.

If I had been one thing, I had been restless. The combined efforts of time and painkillers had made me feel a lot better since I had woken up for the first time and I saw no reason why I should stay in bed all day. I had tried to sit up and get up by myself a few times, but always my weakened muscles had failed me. The staggering jerky movements I had made in order to get up had made my broken ribs hurt. In the end a nurse had been alarmed by my rapidly accelerating heart rate.

Of course Tomohito, who had still been coming round every day, had offered to drive me around in a wheelchair but I had refused. I had hungered for some physical action, for not being pampered more. When he had read to the paper to me I had listened only half-heartedly, after all I had been able to read it on my own again. We had tried to talk, but in my life nothing much had happened and when Tomohito had not been at my bedside he had been working for my father, a topic I had not been interested in. Therefore, although I had been able to talk again, his visits had pretty soon lapsed into prolonged silences.

I had been thankful to Tomohito for coming nevertheless, since neither of my parents had shown up a second time so far. It was just that I wanted to do something desperately.

I had not counted my attempts at getting out of my bed, but there had been a few. In the end Hideki-sensei had stormed into my room threatening to strap me to the bed should I not lie still on my own. I had protested, saying I felt good enough to get up once in a while, and that I wanted to move a little bit after weeks of lying.

"Fine Tenou-san, we'll make a deal. Starting tomorrow a physiotherapist will come to you to train the musculature in your arms. When she says you're ready you'll get a corset to keep you're rips fixated and then you can use a wheelchair to leave your room. You'll do exactly as your therapist says and no more adventures on your own. Understood?"

"Yes, but can't I walk with crutches?" I had asked.

"No! Not with your rips. Wheelchair or nothing at all. So what will it be Tenou-san?" He had told me sternly.

"Wheelchair." I had muttered grudgingly.

The doctor had kept his word. The next morning, when I had finished my breakfast, the door had opened and the nurse had been accompanied by a black haired woman I had not seen before. She seemed to be about thirty. Her hair had been loose and she had worn neither a nurse outfit nor a lab coat but sweat pants and a t-shirt.

"So" she had said eyeing me. "You're the little delinquent who can't wait to ruin her health walking off on her own. I heard the nurses complain about you quite a bit already. I had expected you to be younger from the description."

Her words had both hurt and shamed me. In my head I had already been thinking of telling Hideki-sensei to assign another therapist on my case or else stop the physiotherapy.

"I'd like to see you trapped in this boredom of a room without any physical action day in day out and not going half crazy." I had spat at her. I had had enough to deal with, there had been no need for a therapist ridiculing me. To my surprise however, she had broken into a grin.

"Well then, let's get you out of this trap then. I'm Kyoko Karasuma."

After this rather startling introduction Kyoko-san had turned out not to be so bad; in fact I had started to like her. For one she had known what she had been doing. And more, what had given her a boost in my opinion, Karasuma had encouraged my eagerness to recover as soon as possible. The doctor had listened to her voice and so, even if it had not been true, I had had the feeling I had been doing as much exercise as I could.

In the mornings after breakfast she had had me doing exercises to build up my withered muscles and in the afternoons Karasuma had taken me outside in the wheelchair and I had felt almost unbearably happy to be outside again, to feel the wind on my face, even if it was only light breeze.

Our training sessions had only been interrupted by Tomohito who had still been coming round every day, now during his lunch break. I had been disappointed at the breaks when Karasuma had left my room as soon as Tomohito entered with my lunch tablet, even though I had known I could not rush my recovery. And then there had been this small part of me who had felt guilty for not being more happy about Tomohito's daily visits.

On the second day of my physiotherapy therapy, when he had come round for lunch I had been lying motionless on my bed, drenched in sweat. I can still remember how big his eyes had went in shock when he had stormed over to my side hectically checking my stats. I had grinned.

"Relax, I'm fine." I had breathed out.

"You look everything but fine! You had to go overboard as soon as you got a chance, didn't you?"

"Don't be so surprised. You should know me by know I never do things by halves. Besides my therapist said it was okay."

I had patted his hand lightly and that was it. He had not said anything on the subject afterwards, but I had seen the concerned look in his eyes every day. To tell the truth, I had been getting a bit annoyed, although I had known Tomohito hadn't meant it.

In fact, it had seemed to me that the better I had gotten the more worried my friend had looked. But whenever I had asked him what had been making him look so gloomy, Tomohito had waved it away, saying I was imagining things. So I had decided to keep up my training, if he would not speak.

The happiest day of my recovery had been, without a doubt, the one when I had first been allowed to walk on my own again. Granted it had been with crutches, but at last I had gotten out of the damn wheelchair. Fortunately I had not known that I would have to chalk down the following day as the most unpleasant one.

As usual Kyoko had come into my room after lunch and had helped me into the wheelchair. We had went down and out into the park of the hospital, where she had led me to a bench. Nearing it I had seen what had been lying there in wait for me: A pair of shiny silver crutches.

"Go on Haruka-san, take them and walk a few steps." Kyoko had said smiling when she had seen ho my face had lit up with joy.

Eagerly I had grabbed them, positioned them at my sides and then pushed myself out of the chair. And I had stood, albeit a bit shakily with my not broken leg wavering just a little under the sudden weight of my body I had been smiling like an idiot.

Tentatively I had walked or rather hopped a few steps ahead and then back to Kyoko who had seated herself on the bench. The joy of the moment had made me feel like a little child again; as if I had been back in our garden with my Dad.

"Look Kyoko-san, I can move on my own again." I had cried joyfully, hopping towards her.

"You deserve it Haruka-san, you worked very hard."

"And I'm going to keep working, so that I'll be in full shape again soon."

"I am sure you will." She smiled. "But still, don't overdo it. That's important. Otherwise it might negate all that you've achieved so far." She had been serious.

"I know." And I had known, but the impatience burned in me nevertheless.

"Sit with me for a moment while I shall explain your coming training and then we will walk around together for a bit."

Kyoko had patted the bench beside her. I had complied.

* * *

The next day had been the one where I finally got a visit from someone besides my family or Tomohito.

The nurse had only left with the remains of breakfast, when the door to my room had been opened again. I had looked up expecting see Kyoko. But Kyoko wouldn't never tackle-hug me like the intruder had done.

"Ouch!" I had cried out. "Be careful there."

"Sorry." Asami had said sheepishly, releasing me. "I was just so happy to see you again."

I had pushed her away. "Yeah sure, that's why you only come round now."

I had known it was a rude thing to do, but I had thought it deserving. I had been in the damn hospital for weeks and my so-called best friend hadn't once bothered to show up. I had been allowed to be at least a bit pissed.

"It's not my fault!" She had said.

"Right, you were so busy all the time." I had snapped.

Asami had held her hands up defensively. "Could you stop being snippy for a moment to let me explain?"

"Fine. I'm listening."

She had sat down on the foot of my bed, keeping her distance. "Well, I told you I was on a trip to my grandparents to help them out because my grandmother was sick a few days before your accident and that I didn't now yet how long I would stay. Asami had said.

"Yes." I had remembered as much. "But you can't tell me you were with your grandparents for so long, or did your grandmother fall seriously ill?"

"No, no, she's fine. A week in bed did wonders to her health, well as far as it goes at her age." She had grinned.

"That's good." I had been reliefed to hear it, but it did nothing to soothe my anger on Asami. "So what has kept you so busy? You had promised we'd meet up once you got back. Couldn't you phone or anything?" I had demanded

"I did call at your place when I came home, which must have been a five or six days after your accident and one of your maids told me you were sick. I asked her to deliver a message but obviously she never did. When you still hadn't called back three days later I was starting to worry and went to your house, but nobody opened the door."

I had stared at Asami but she continued. The story was beginning to sound strange.

"On my way back I recognised Tomohito's car coming up the road and on a whim I stepped onto the road to make him stop."

I had stared at Asami wide-eyed. "Are you nuts?"

She had giggled. " I don't know, but I succeeded in stopping him. You know he was pretty shocked."

"I can imagine that."

"Anyway, I asked how you were, if you were so sick you couldn't even call and he told me you were hospitalized but he wouldn't say more. Naturally I went here the next day after work, but they told me you couldn't receive visitors yet. I got that answer more than once and then suddenly it wasn't 'she can't receive visitors yet' but 'you are not allowed to see her'."

"What?" I had asked puzzled This didn't make sense. "But I never said anything the like to the nurses. I had so hoped you would come. I was waiting for you." Frantically I tried to make sense of Asami's about. It all had seemed as fishy as my memory.

"Oh I know it wasn't you're fault, otherwise I wouldn't be here today. I struck up a conversation with one of the younger nurses down by the reception and she told me the nice young man who comes to visit you everyday forbid to have anyone besides him and your family see you."

"Tomohito?" I had whispered unbelievingly at Asami's revelation. "Why would he?"

"Beats me." She had huffed. "Go figure, you're the one he's living with. Today was the first day the reception was unoccupied for a few minutes, so I could finally sneak up here to see you."

The story I had just been told had sounded like some crap straight from the TV screen, yet there had been no reason not to trust Asami's words. And somehow it had seemed to fit with Tomohito's strange behaviour. I would press him about it when he would visit me. First though I had owed someone an apology.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you Asami. I had no idea." I had reached out with one hand and she had taken it without any hesitation.

We had talked for a bit more, which had mostly been me counting off my injuries to Asami and telling her how physiotherapy had been going so far. I had invited her to stay and meet Kyoko for herself as she had been due to come, but Asami had declined, saying she should sneak out again before someone from the staff noticed her forbidden visit. I had told her to come again tomorrow, when I would have stated explicitly to the staff that Asami was allowed to visit me at every hour. She had smiled and after a hug, more gingerly this time, we had parted.

* * *

At lunchtime Tomohito had received a very frosty welcome when he had entered my room. I had decided to confront him heads on. As button-up as Tomohito had been in the recent weeks the element of the unexpected might help me.

"Hello Haruka. How are you feeling today." As usual he had been genuinely friendly.

"Do you mind telling me why the hell you imposed a visiting restriction on my best friend?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." he had said non-nonchalantly whilst placing his jacket on the hanger.

"Don't lie, you're not looking me in the eyes." I had stated flatly. "Besides Asami was here this morning and told me the nurses were forbidden to let her up."

"In that case I should probably consider going down to the reception and find out who was so disobedient."

"You will do no such thing. You stay here and explain your actions." I had demanded. "Otherwise I won't let you come visit me any more, you know you're not family."

He had regarded me with a commiserative look and had sighed so very deeply, as if he were dealing with the most stupidest person ever. I had been aware that my last sentence had been foolish, that I had ought to be grateful for Tomohito coming everyday although he was busy, but at the moment I hadn't been able to care less.

He had sat down beside the bed. "For one, it was exactly for this reason. I was sure she would upset you and you needed all the rest you could get."

"I'm upset because you kept her from me, not because she was here!"

I hadn't been able to face his pitiful gaze any longer and had looked out of the window. "You had no right to decide for me. I missed her and wanted to see Asami. Didn't that even cross your mind?"

"I did what I thought was best for you." His opinion had been settled. When he had spoken again his voice had grown softer. "Haruka, look at me please."

Slowly, reluctantly I had followed his request, had studied his eyes which had been as concerned as they had been all over the past weeks.  
"Up until now I was perfectly capable of making my own decisions. Own small accident won't change that, my brain is not damaged after all." I had told him with wry smile.

"Stop playing dumb." It had been an exasperated sigh. "You can't have forgotten it all, by now according to the doctors your memory should have restored itself."

I had blinked wondering what Tomohito had been referring to, neither had I deliberately played dumb, nor had I had an epiphany bringing back the little missing pieces of my recollection.  
He had continued without seeming to notice my confusion.

"You know you are my responsibility now and so I saw it fit to care for you and your affairs as I deemed it right." He had taken my hand, looking at me pleadingly. "You still know that I asked to be engaged to you?"

I had stared at Tomohito's painfully hopeful face in shock unable to give the reassurance he had asked. Instead I had felt my fingers grow cold in his hand. I had disentangled my fingers from his hand.  
"Please, leave me alone for a bit." My voice had sounded hollow in my ears.

He had gotten up in silence and I had watched his back as he had exited silently, with hanging shoulders.


	11. Chapter 11

* * *

  
_Things are goin' crazy and I'm not sure who to blame_   
_Everything is changing and I do not feel the same_   
_I'm slippin' through the cracks of floors I thought that were strong_   
_I'm tryin' to find a place where I can feel like I belong_   


* * *

I had stared at the door long after Tomohito had left, numbly repeating his last sentence.

" _You still know that I asked to be engaged to you?"_

The nurse had come to bring lunch, but I had told her I didn't feel like eating. Already knowing my stubbornness she had not questioned it and had simply turned to leave. I had called out to her, inquiring if Tomohito were still there. She had told me he had left the hospital and would most likely be back tomorrow, as usual. I had thanked her.

Whether I had felt relief or disappointment I hadn't been able to tell.

_Engaged_

I still had been unable to grasp it in its entity up until then, but now I had started to remember. With the door unlocked each little piece gradually fell into place to form the picture of that afternoon.

* * *

_I had been at home for little more than two weeks after making my degree as a computer scientist. Father had held a celebration in honour of his only child graduating from the Todai. I had not been particularly fond of the idea, but he had said his associates expected another party soon, so he might as do it for me. I had not argued any more and had slipped out as soon as it was possible._

_Officially it had been a celebration in honour of my accomplishments, to me it had been the funeral service for my freedom._

_Father and Tomohito had been away on a business trip only returning the day before when Father called me to him in his study. I had assumed I would be given a talk how I should enter the family business now. Knowing my father he would already have a position in mind where, no doubt, he could have me supervised totally to make sure I would do things his way and no other._

_I had yet to tell him that plans for my future might include a lot but working in the family corporation certainly wasn't among them. To be exact I wanted to be a professional racer. Whenever I had been home on holidays during the years of studying, I had practised on the circuit, and when I had talked with my old trainer the week before he had said that if I wished, I could try and go professional, I had more potential than anyone on his team. Now was as good a moment as any I figured, entering my father's study._

" _Sit down Haruka, I have some important things to discuss with you." His tone was businesslike, as expected._

_A small sigh crept past my lips as I flopped down in a chair ungraciously. The dad I remembered from my childhood would have said 'We have to talk'; now it was 'I have'. He did not even consider that I might have had plans of my own._

" _As you know Tomohito has been working with us full-time ever since he finished his studies two years ago and he has proved himself to be highly capable on more than one occasion."_

_I nodded. This was nothing new. It was impossible to fail hearing the stories of their latest coup when father proclaimed them loudly at dinner._

" _Another benefit of Tomohito is that he already knows all of my important business partners and they all took to him as far as I could see." He made a dramatic pause. "Therefore I decided to promote Tomohito to junior partner."_

_Looking at my father I wondered why he had called me, just to tell me that. Did he expect me to be upset, to stamp my foot and claim my inheritance? Why should I? Why should father assume anything the like. I had never expressed much interest in his beloved furniture firm, nor did I intend to do so now. Tomohito was better suited for this by far._

" _That's nice for Tomohito that you reward him for his efforts." On a whim I decided to bring up my own plans. "Because you know I was thinking of."_

" _I'm glad you support this decision." He interrupted as if he had not even heard my last sentence, or rather he chose to ignore what I had to say. "Your encouragement will help him greatly in his new position."_

_These words caught my attention. Why should my approval be of any help to Tomohito? Suddenly I sat upright in my chair. "What do you mean by that Father?"_

" _You will be engaged to Tomohito."_

_I was so stupefied, I didn't even interject immediately. Father went on with his monologue. "This the most simple and the best solution for all parties involved; my company stays in the family, it gets a competent leader and the boy gets a gratification."_

_There was an unmistakeable hint of pride in his voice for his cleverness of coming up with this idea. I couldn't believe it. "You can't just decide about my future like that without asking me about my plans or what I had in mind!" Having recovered from my initial shock, I jumped up and starting shouting. "What if I already have someone I'm going out with back in Tokyo?"_

" _As if." Father scoffed. "You never showed much interest in romance and if you had had a serious relationship you should have brought him home after your graduation to present him to your father. So I see nothing barring you from marrying Tomohito."_

" _He's been like a brother to me. Do you know how wrong it would feel marrying him?" I cringed at the mental image of us in a passionate embrace. A particularly sick joke. I was aware that it would sound stupid in my fathers ears but it was the first thing springing to my mind. The words had bolted out of my mouth before I could stop them. Father reacted predictably._

" _Nonsense Haruka, you're not blood-related, so there's no problem. The decision is made. It is for the best for the family therefore you should accept it without protest."_

_The so-called discussion was an utter and it made my blood boil._

" _What gives you the right to decide over my future like that?" I exploded. "This is my life! My life which I won't go spending as a wife all alone in a big house day in day out like mother. I' ll do my own thing, become a racer or whatever but surely not a trophy-wife!"_

_Father now too raised his voice in his way of keeping the dominance of the argument on his side. "Use your brain for a moment to think before you complain about your mother's lifestyle. A lifestyle which let her husband go his way, earning the money enabling you take up such foolish and useless hobbies as racing." He said it with utter contempt. "You ought to be a grateful daughter, eager on paying back those efforts to your family."_

_Pay-back my ass! He was handling his family the same way he handled his business partners. A favour here, an advice there, all so he could ask it back with interest later; to be in control. Swiftly I took the few steps over to father's desk. I stood directly in front of him, arms resting on the polished surface of his desk, I leaned forward to be on eye-level with him. "Don't try to guilt-trip me! Your money couldn't buy me the things I yearned for the most when I was a child." I hissed. "Since I was ten years old you've been making choices for me, to make me fit into a form I am not. I won't go along any more."_

_Father's voice was getting louder. "Haruka, I have to repeat myself: the decision is made. I have settled an appointment with our lawyer to set up the formalities for the engagement in three days."_

_I gaped at the level of my father's impudence. "You can't!" I cried, slamming my fist on the table. "I'm not own of your employees you can push around at will!"_

" _No, you are my daughter, you should be happy to assist your father instead of being ordered!" Father pushed his chair back and stood up too. "You've played the part of the spoiled child long enough Haruka, it's time you're being grateful!" He fixed me with a menacing stare. "Tomohito is a decent man and you will take him."_

" _You can't force me into this!" I yelled. "You're not as powerful as you'd like to be." I was stirring up a hornets' nest by telling this to my father's face, but I had decided I would not be intimidated by him. Father slapped my face. "This is your last chance to be sensible and agree Haruka." He hissed._

_I stumbled one step backwards, glaring at him. Through all the countless times father and I had shouted at each, he had never stooped so low to resort to violence. That was it, I was done here._

_Turning around on my heels I strode towards the door._

" _Haruka! I do not tolerate this behaviour!" he screamed, not fazed in the least by what he had just done."_

" _Neither do I!" I yelled over my shoulder._

" _Come back here! At once!"_

_He could scream his lungs out if he pleased, but I would not turn, all I wanted was to get out of this house as fast as possible, this fortress of my father. His slap had pierced me beneath the purely physical pain. I was fed up with my father deciding my life for me; forbidding karate, forcing me into those private lessons, picking my high school for me and the list would continue, but this marriage would only happen over my dead body. I slammed the door of his study shut behind me._

_How to handle it yet I did not know, only that I had to get out. I ran down the corridors to the entrance hall. The air in there was suffocating me, I needed fresh air, feel the wind on my face. Maybe it would blow my head clear._

_Heedless of the cold and wet February weather I raced out of the house, only stopping briefly to pick up my helmet and jacket along the way to the garage. The engine came to live beneath me with a roar and I was on the road._

_I had no particular destination in mind, anything would have been fine as long as I got out there, away from my father._

_I was taking the quickest way out of Nagoya, the slow city traffic added up to my frustration. I wanted to vent my anger, not pile up more on every red traffic light._

_It was only when I left the houses behind and saw the first trees passing by, when the wind blowing against me felt a bit fresher. I sped up, reducing the landscape at my sides to a blur of grey sky and brown, still bare trees. It felt so good. The road to the coast was empty and wind tugging at my clothes made me feel liberated, for it wasn't able to bind me, I could out race it. So it did not try but caressed my as I raced by._

_The more the needle of the speedometer pointed up the calmer my feelings got. Finally I could breathe freely again, the contracting feeling in my chest faded._

_Even when the clouds above gave way to the load they seemed to have carried all day, I didn't reduce my speed. After all, it was only water. Nor was it the first time I had ridden the bike on wet asphalt. I would not return home for as little reason as bad weather._

_It was ironic, I thought as I drove along the road overlooking the sea. As I child my father had adored me and let me do as I pleased since I was his little princess and only child. But my father was obsessed with being in control. His air of authority which I had admired so much as a child was enforced by his will to be in charge, of almost everything as it seemed to me. And woe to anyone who dared to go against his will._

_He had expected me to fit myself in his ways automatically as I got older, but I didn't. From the beginning I had been a free spirit. My young mind could not see why I should do ballet classes when I preferred playing outside._

_So, the older I grew the more he realised that I was not developing in the fair and obedient doll he had hoped me to be and it made father angry. Asking his permission to join the karate club in middle school was only the last straw, bringing him to the conclusion he had to pull the brakes to my ways. He had thought he had been to lax with me before so I would have to get all those special classes to make up what I obviously lacked in education, in my father's eyes._

_But the more he tried to force his ideas on me, the more I resented them. That was how we began to drift apart. And after the first years I even stopped wishing father would miraculously re-transform into the gently caring dad I remembered and had longed for._

_Now he was once again trying to put me in line, calling in the years of freedom I had been granted in Tokyo. Yet now matter what, I would not comply this time. I was an adult, with my own life which I would not give up to marry a guy I didn't not love._

_Never._

_These were my last thoughts before the lights of an oncoming van had me momentarily blinded. Of course it had to be in a street turn. Though I could not see much, I acted on instinct throttling the bike, leaning to my right in order to avoid possible collision. It should not have been a problem. But something must have gone wrong, happened to quick; maybe I pulled the brakes to sharp, maybe I leaned right to fast, I couldn't tell. All I knew is, that suddenly the bike lost its balance, slipping away underneath me on the wet road. There was the eerie screeching sound of metal grinding against metal as the machine broke through the guardrail and into the shrubbery with too much speed. I was flung out of the saddle and then I only saw the grey sky for a moment while the rain drops rolled down my visor. Then the thick blackness I would soon recognise enveloped me in a gentle embrace to take the memories away._

* * *

For a while at least. Forgetting didn't solve my problems and now that I had remembered them I had had to deal with them, despite still having no solution. All I had known for sure, was that I would never set my seal under any marriage papers. Today I would not have been able to do anything, with Tomohito having left already and father never coming. Therefore I had thrown myself into training my muscles with Kyoko, to keep my mind busy. Which had worked, to a degree.

The revelations my mind had presented me with had constantly lingered in the back of my head all day long.

_Engaged_

The word had still rung in my ear, an ominous bell ringing in the beginning of something. I had tossed around in my bed unable to drift into sleep easily, although I had exercised as much as Kyoko had allowed me. Tomorrow, when Tomohito came back, I would have to talk to him, trying to somehow sort this out. It had been the first time in my life I had been afraid to see him.

* * *

At noon the following day Tomohito had been back, like clockwork, but instead of simply entering as he had done all the days before, he had knocked. When he had entered upon my call, he had sat down on the chair at my bedside as usual. And then we had stared at one another in silence.

"So, uhm, I've brought you a newspaper." He had finally said and had awkwardly fumbled the folded paper out of his bag. "Do you want to read it or…"

"Or shall we talk about yesterday?" I had finished his sentence for him. I had felt heavy as if my whole body and not only my leg had been in a cast, but there was no use in avoiding the matter.

Tomohito put the paper on the bedside cabinet, sighing. "Yes. Then first of all, let me apologize Haruka. From your reaction I could see that you really didn't remember. And I'm also sorry for keeping Asami-san out, but I did what I thought best."

"Apology accepted." I had told him, not that I had not been disgruntled any more about the Asami part, but his remorse had been genuine, as far as I had been able to tell. "However I'm still not your responsibility. I am my own person and I'm liable for what I'll do with my life."

"I knew you would say something along those lines" Tomohito grinned wryly. "Believe me Haruka, I didn't mean for you to learn about it like that. I specifically asked Kazuya-san to let me propose to you before he would say anything to you."

The more Tomohito had said, the more I had to face that this engagement had not been some crazy notion my father had thought up. I had not liked to see Tomohito being so actively involved in it. I had not wanted to think that the initiative had lain on him.

Before Tomohito had been able to continue I had interjected. "Yeah, because you knew father does what other people ask of him, he's always so considerate and only out to please others." I had doubted the irony in my voice could have been any thicker. "I would have never thought you'd be so careless not to ask the girl you want to marry first instead of her father."

I had clung to the hope that Tomohito would prove my fear wrong and put the blame for the stupid idea onto my father.

"No I'm not, but you're father is old-fashioned. I wanted to ask him for your hand in marriage ahead of proposing to you so that he would not be displeased. I wanted you to hear it from me." At this point his voice had become a little more quiet. "You know Haruka, I wanted your answer, not only the approval of your father." Tomohito's cheeks turned a pale shade of pink. "I love you. I have loved you for quite some time now."

I had averted my eyes, I had not wanted to see this. I had not wanted to hear this.

"Why did you have to say that?" I had mumbled.

"What?" It must have taken him a lot of courage to make a confession.

"Why did you have to say that? Why must you ruin everything?" I had cried.

I had felt as lost as Tomohito had looked. I had wanted to put all the blame for this whole engagement affair on my father, on his aspiration to keep the company in the family, to meddle even after his retirement. I had wanted to be mad at my father and my father alone, for those were feelings I had been already used to. Tomohito's words the day before had had me afraid of how deeply involved he had been but I had clung to the hope, that it would turn out to be some sort of misunderstanding, that he would not tell me he'd love me. Now I had certainty beyond doubt. Tentatively he had reached for my hand and I had let him.

"I don't understand Haruka."

"You're my friend, hell, you're like an older brother to me!" Speaking the words to his face had been harder than I would have imagined. "I could never fall for you Tomohito. Never. Don't go destroying our friendship with such stupidities."

My pleading tone had probably been salt into his wound. Slowly Tomohito had let go of my hand. His shoulders had sacked, his eyes had been downcast. Not once in all the years we had known each other had he looked so vulnerable, so hurt. A small part of me had regretted that my feelings for him did not go beyond brotherly affection. Once again I had turned my eyes away from this sight.

I had almost expected to feel the same anger towards Tomohito as I had felt towards my father, but there was no anger welling up; only a small sense of betrayal and sadness. He had mustered the courage to give me his heart yet all I could to was hand the gift back unopened.

"Deep down I have always feared your answer to be like this and I had thought I braced myself. It pains all the same." Tomohito had murmured.

The minutes had passed in silence as we both had tried to cope with it.

"Haruka, if you don't want me I won't force you. I hope you know that." he finally had said.

"I know" I had replied. And I had been relieved.

"That's good then." Tomohito had sighed. "It's not easy keeping a balance between you and your father, you're both equally obstinate. He would have never allowed me to marry his daughter if he had thought himself ignored in making the decision and I'm pretty sure that you would have refused on principle if your father informed you that you were to be engaged even if you loved me."

"Maybe."

"I hoped it might work out this way. At least I couldn't come up with a better possible solution, but I am sorry it all turned out this way. I will talk with Kazuya-san and tell him that I won't insist on this if it goes against your will."

We had lapsed into silence again. What more had there been to be said?

"Well, guess I have to work my way up in the company like everybody else instead of marrying the director's daughter." Tomohito had said, a lopsided grin accompanying his words. He was tackling the situation with humour. I had thought that this may not have been the worst idea.

"Oh, I am so sorry you have to dirty your hands." I had chimed in.

"It's harder that way, but also more challenging. I'll simply prove myself."

We both had know that talking about it more and in earnest would help neither of us, it would only have ended up hurting ourselves and each other. Tomohito had needed to resolve this on his own just as I had had to come to terms with the altered relationship between us. It would have been delusional to think we might go back as if nothing had ever happened.

"I am sorry Tomohito." I had meant it.

He had sighed. "It's okay. It can't be helped." He had gotten up from the chair. "I should go now, my lunch break's almost over. Do your best at your physiotherapy."

It would take some time.

We had parted with a smile, a bit forced, and then, when Tomohito had reached the door, he had turned round once more. "I'll tell Asami to come visit you tomorrow."


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics: Bryan Adams' 'On a day like today'

* * *

 

  
_Free is all you gotta be_   
_Dream dreams no one else can see_   
_Sometimes ya wanna run away_   
__But ya never know what might be comin' round your way_ _

* * *

"What? She was there with you? Like in you brought her along with you?" Asami nearly dropped the needle she was using to take in the trousers for me. It was Monday evening and we were in Asami's apartment after I had picked her up from her shop. She had called me this afternoon, telling me she had new clothes who would look 'terrific' on me.

"Yes, she called the day before, apologizing for the twit who ruined your suit in spilling red wine all over it and I asked her if she would like to come." I said slowly, glancing at my friend to see her reaction. From the tone of her voice a scolding was impending.

And our conversation had started so innocently. But when Asami had asked me how the exhibition had been, I had told her about it at length, slipping that I had not gone alone but in the company of my boss.

"So you're dating her now?"

"What?" This time I was the one to be shocked. "No!"

"Hold still Haruka, I can't peg an even line if you keep jerking like this," my friend admonished me. "Now I have to get the thread into the needle eye again."

Quietly I apologized to Asami. For the rest of the fitting I stood as still and rigid as a lamp post while Asami continued her work on a shirt and jacket. Only when I had shed the suit and changed back into my normal clothes, we took up the conversation again.

I had set up a pot of coffee while Asami had put away the clothes, threads and her other sewing implement and now we sat on the couches of her living room, each sipping a cup off dark freshly brewed coffee, facing each other.

"So Haruka, can I ask you again whether you're going out with your boss, or are you going to throw your cup after me?" My friend was trying to put on a jocular tone but it didn't quite carry over.

"No, I'm not going out with her." I told her, more calmly this time; still I sat the cup down on the table, just in case. I half hoped Asami would be satisfied with my answer, but knowing my friend she would dig deeper. And she did.

"But would you like to?"

"No."

She wouldn't let it rest. "Are you sure? Why did you ask her out then?"

"It was only an afternoon at the museum, just as friends and it certainly was not a date."

I wasn't going out with my boss and I would not do so in the future. What more was there to talk about, I asked myself. If Asami wanted to scold me again for cross-dressing and keeping my gender hidden, I wished she'd just get over with it. Then I could call her a hypocrite since she seemed to enjoy dressing me up as of lately and maybe afterwards we could spend the rest of the evening doing something more relaxing and fun, like maybe going for a drive or to the cinema.

Asami was still eyeing me thoughtfully, it made me uncomfortable. "But why Haruka?, She is your boss." she said once again.

"What is it with you?" I sighed exasperated. "Are you jealous or what?"

She said nothing, only bit her lips and stared into her coffee.

"Come on, there's no need. If you had had time I had never asked her."

"But when you came to Tokyo you were so fed up with people like your father and Tomohito, really Haruka, I never knew you so angry and now, now you're regularly going out with just such a person."

"Just because Kaiou-san is in the same position as my father, doesn't mean she's the same in points of character. She clever, insightful and really nice once you get to know her." It was a hard time believing I had to defend my boss in front of my best friend. Said friend still looked unsatisfied.

"But I do not know her, nor am I sure I want to. I only see you and I'm afraid she's going to change you into something you're not." Her urgent eyes seemed to be pleading with me.

"Stop acting like a child Asami, I'm not going to change, nor is she going to replace you, if that's what you fear."

Asami said nothing, still I was rather certain my guess had been correct, for she looked relieved at my words, if still a bit doubtful.

I went to the kitchen to fetch the coffee pot to pour us another round, wondering whether this had been a better or a worse conversation than the ones where Asami told me off for lying about being a man. There was no way deciding.

"I've been thinking, Haruka," she said when I re-entered the living room with two freshly filled cups, "you might not have seen it as a date, but what about her?"

Truth be told, I had not looked at it from this angle, but when I remembered yesterday and the way Michiru and I had gotten along so well, as if we had known each other for a long time already. Like old friends.  
"No I don't think so."

On Tuesday morning I slipped in one of the shirts I had gotten from Asami the day before and tied the new teal cravat we had bought together when we had taken a little stroll through the Tokyo streets in the evening after drinking our coffee.

I had mentioned that I could do with one or two additional ties and she had deemed it a good idea to go look into a few stores, to gather new ideas for her new creations, as she had put it.

While Asami had been checking out cuts and designs, I had skimmed through the racks of ties. The teal one caught my eye, almost immediately, and it reminded me of Kaiou-san. Lightly I brushed my fingers against the soft silk, before I pulled it from the rack. For good measure I picked out two more ties randomly, a grey one, which Asami said looked like a stormy sea and a claret one, just in case somebody might decide to spill wine over me again.

In the office it was the same busy bustling around as every other day. Secretaries tottered up and down the corridors, carrying batches of paper back and forth from the copy machines, clerks were visibly already sitting at their desks through open doors, tapping on their keyboards or handling a phone call, much the same as I would do, as soon as I had walked down the corridor to my office.

Hiroshi was back after having taken yesterday off and he greeted me cheerfully, meaning he must have had a good long weekend, for his usual morning attitude was gruff. Indeed, as he told me while I checked my mails, he and his wife had spontaneously decided to leave Tokyo for two days, which had become three, and relax at nice little hotel in the countryside. Hiroshi was full of praise for the food they had served there and the landscape he described as absolutely beautiful. If I ever wanted to charm a lady, he said with a wink, he would recommend going there with her. Laughing I replied that I would keep it in mind, before I opened up the test-run for a new mobile phone operating system.

The creatives high up had sketched out what our new software should be able to do and what it should look like, their subordinates had programmed it, and now it was our task to find out how good a job they had done.

"They can't be serious" I said exasperated after trying to find the settings for changing the sound set. "You can't use the damn program without studying the damn manual for hours! It doesn't cater to our customers at all, we need software even a simpleton can navigate."

"Wasn't it obvious to you that the thing needed reworking when you saw the start screen?" Hiroshi asked dryly, looking up from his monitor. "It looks like a child has been running wild with its crayons."

I could not agree with him more. "So where do we start? Should we be rooting out bugs, or do we send it back with a note to re-do the design first?" I asked, raking a hand through my hair and shaking my head at the same time at the visual disaster on the screen in front of me.

"I'd say we start with you going down to the snack machine and getting us something, my treat." He fished a few coins from his pocket and handed them to me which I took laughing.

"Sounds like a decent plan to me."

When I got to the snack machines a déjà-vu kicked in; the only person around was me and the door to the stairway was slightly ajar although there was no voice to be heard this time. Still, cautiously I walked over, peeking inside the stairway and half hoping to see Kaiou-san there, agitatedly talking into her mobile pressed to her ear, just like I had seen her a little more than a month before. But it was empty, safe for the echo of steps some floors below.

Despite rational logic telling me how unlikely it would have been to meet her here again, I felt a little disappointed.

However, when I returned to my computer a little envelope was blinking for my attention in the corner of the screen. It was short e-mail from Kaiou-san:

Thank you again for Sunday afternoon, Tenou-kun. I had a wonderful afternoon. We should repeat this some time soon.

Kaiou Michiru

I smiled, then closed the message and started to uncover as many bugs as I could.

The little envelope was blinking in the corner of my screen. I moved the cursor onto the symbol, it said '1 new mail'. I clicked on the envelope: it was a message from Kaiou-san – in at 15:16. A quick glance at my watch said it was already past half four. How could I have missed it that long? The mail she had sent was short, like the last one, even a bit shorter as it consisted of only two sentences.

Tenou-kun, would you please come up to my office if you're free. I'd like to talk to you.

I deleted the message and closed the database.

"I'm going to take a brake." I announced to Hiroshi, as I stood up from my desk. He looked to me.

"Good idea Tenou. Give me ten minutes and we can take our brake together."

That wasn't what I had in mind. I tried to put up a convincing sounding excuse. "No, don't hurry yourself, I uh have a headache and I'm going to lie down for a few minutes."

"Do you want some pills Tenou?" Hiroshi seemed concerned about me, for I never complained about headaches or the like at work. "Kaori always gives me this stuff, some secret receipt from her great-great-grandmother or something, which works pretty well."

"No." I snapped, and when Hiroshi looked at me insulted I added more friendly. "No thanks, I just want to rest for a short while."

I left the office before he could hold me back any longer with his well-meant but, in this case, useless advice. Kaiou-san had sent the mail a while ago and surely she had been waiting long enough already.

The lift came and emptied on my floor, leaving me to ride up to Kaiou-san's office alone. Once I stepped out of the lift, however, I was not alone for much longer, for the watchdog, as I had dubbed Taneguchi in my mind, was in place. From the moment I pulled the door to the ante-room open, I felt her eyes on me.  
Scanning who dared to enter her halls, trying to bother her boss and then, when she had recognised me, seizing me up and down as if she were saying 'you again'. Her gaze was always giving me the feeling of being x-rayed.

Slowly I walked up to her, staring straight into her piercing eyes while I was waiting for her to let me in. Taneguchi said nothing. For her this was a demonstration of power; while I got to go out to parties with her boss, in here she was the one to control who was around Kaiou-san. And she was obviously drawing some sort of enjoyment out of the fact.

'That woman needs another person in her life. Can't be healthy being so clingy.'

"Kaiou-san sent a message, saying she wanted to speak to me." I informed her when the silence between us had lasted long enough for my taste.

Pleased, no doubt feeling herself as the winner, Taneguchi pressed the button on the intercom announcing my arrival, then she turned to me again.

"Michiru-sama told me you'd come up almost half an hour ago. Really Tenou-san, where are your manners? Don't you know it is disrespectful to your superior to keep them waiting?"

That woman and her smug demeanour were starting to get on my nerves. I imagined her, sitting behind her desk like a judge on his bench all day, boosting her ego with these little psycho games when she wasn't playing Kaiou-san's shadow.

"I'm sure Kaiou-san won't mind. You know, she's very understanding; with me at least." I said and walked to the office doors, pleased to hear her huff.

'Gotcha.' I smirked.

Michiru rose from her desk as I entered her office. "Hello Tenou-kun, I'm glad you could make it."

With her gentle smile directed at me the irritation I had felt at her overzealous watchdog evaporated. My manners told me though that I ought to apologize for my tardiness.

"Sorry to have kept you waiting." I bowed to her.

She waved my apology away and settled herself in one of the white leather chairs grouped around a small table, motioning for me to follow her. "It's alright. I do realize it is quite selfish of me to ask you here in the middle of the day while your department is probably swamped with work."

On the table, I noticed, was pot of coffee and two cup waiting for us. Michiru poured each of us a cup. I thanked her and took a sip. It tasted much better than the coffee we had downstairs.

"So Kaiou-san what has happened? Some emergency appointment?" I asked her under the impression she must have had some social event to attend shoved upon her in the last minute. The smile slipped from her face and she cast her eyes down as if intently watching the spoon she was stirring her cup with.

"I didn't know I could only call you up for business. After the previous weekend I was under the impression we could simply enjoy each others company every now and then. I'm sorry if I was mistaken." Her voice was smaller than before, though she recollected a pleasant if indifferent expression. It made me feel like a big oaf.  
After all, Michiru had come to the museum with me when I had asked her, we had talked and shared some of our interests. I had felt a connection with her, deeper than with some of my old friends, so was it that far off to think she would also like me?

"You're not mistaken!" I rushed to say. "I also enjoy your presence." I tried to phrase it a bit less lame, only managing to stumble over the words until Michiru started to giggle. We looked at each other and to my relief she was smiling again. I laughed as well.

"I'm sounding like an idiot am I not?"

"Maybe." was all she replied.

"Well the charity dinner next Friday is the last date on your list am I correct?" She asked after a while and continued as I nodded. "I wanted to ask you whether you would like to do something the evening before, if you have time, that is?"

She surprised me with her question, but I knew at once that I would like to go along with whatever she had in mind. As far as I could remembered I had nothing set for this evening. "I'm free. What did you have in mind Kaiou-san."  
"I'm taking part in a concert of my old high-school as a special guest so to speak on Thursday. I was wondering if you would want to come and listen and then we could have dinner some place."

To hear that she was playing in a concert surprised me bit and had me wondering for a moment when she had time to practise beside her business obligations and her painting.

Michiru looked at me, almost expectantly it seemed to me. Not that she would have needed to, I had no reason not to come with her and it sounded like a nice evening. "Sure, I shall be there." I assured her. "I didn't know you were playing, though. What instrument do you play Kaiou-san?"

"I play the violin, although I fear my skills have become a bit rusty. Running the company now that my father has retired doesn't leave a lot of free time at my hands." She confessed.

I nodded understanding. I knew all the stuff Tomohito had to deal with day in day out, and he was only preparing to succeed my father. Michiru's workload must be even higher.

The time until our cups were empty we passed talking about work, she enquired what exactly my job was in the department, how I liked it and what my opinion was concerning the head of our department. When we had finished Michiru sighed. "I guess it's time we both get back at our desks and do something a bit more productive. I'll send you a mail with the address of the school. The concert starts at seven o'clock, come to the front rows and I shall have a seat reserved for you there Tenou-kun."

I thanked her for the invitation and on my way out I smirked at Taneguchi who had been called in to put away the cups.  
Maybe after the concert I could take Michiru to the little Italian place Asami and I liked to eat, when both of us where to lazy to cook, I mused, but remembered that I didn't even know whether Michiru liked Italian food. I made a mental not to make a reservation anyway, just in case.

I arrived at the school grounds at half past six and for a moment I hesitated as I overlooked the scenery of row after row of proud parents filing into the yard and teenage girls and boys running in and out of school building, carrying instruments or fetching music stands and sheets. I was clearly looking too old to be a high school student myself and too young to have a child of my own here, making it obvious that I didn't belong here in the first place.

I hoped that I wouldn't stand out too much among the families, checked that the flower I had bought, was safe inside my jacket and went in.

Along with the parents, I drifted through the corridors to the auditorium in the back of the building. My eyes searched the vicinity of the stage but I could not see Michiru, so followed one of the students carrying a flute down another corridor, hoping the girl would lead me to where the students and, hopefully, Michiru gathered before their performance.

My idea proved to be correct. As soon as I had followed the girl with the flute around the corner I saw Michiru, or rather my eyes were caught by the sight of her.

Among the students in their grey and blue school uniforms, her snow-white dress practically gleamed. She was leaning against the wall, eyes closed and air of calmness around her, as if the bustling teens around were not even there.

She stood so still, undisturbed by the noise around her, it felt like looking at statue. Just then, as if Michiru had sensed my gaze lingering on her, she opened her eyes and smiled when she saw me standing there. I made my way over to her.

With a flourish I produced the flower from the inner pocket of my jacket, presenting it to her. It was a single, blood red hibiscus blossom with petals looking like flames lapping over my hand and a sweet scent emanating from within the chalice. "I came to wish you good luck Kaiou-san."

"Thank you." she said, the slightest hue of pink gracing her cheeks as she took the offered flower from my hand to smell it.

Some of the students around us must have watched the scene and one of them, whom I recognised as the girl I had followed back here, giggled now. I shot them a stern look at witch she promptly clasped her hands over her mouth. The girl next to her, her friend most likely, helped by elbowing her, although she surely had been watching just as intently. "Kumi, the director explicitly told us not to disturb Kaiou-san!"

They bowed to Michiru and me and quickly made to get to the other side of the room but we could both hear the girl called Kumi sighing to her friend. "I wish I had a boyfriend who'd bring me flowers too."

I guess it really looked like I was Michiru's boyfriend the way I had been acting. But before I could come up with some words to defuse the situation Michiru spoke up.

"It's good to know there will be one friend sitting in the auditorium, so I'll have at least one person to cheer me up when it turns out I my famed skills have decayed."

"Oh but surely you have practised your pieces for this evening?" I asked her.

"Of course," she laughed lightly "But still, as I told you, it's been some time since I last played other than for fun and I fear they expect too much from me."

"Then I'll have an escape car running outside for the worst case." I joked and we both laughed.

"Thank you Tenou-kun. You should go to your seat now, it's in the first row on the left side of the stage."

She turned, brushing my fingers briefly and went away, to retrieve her violin or other and I walked through the gushing schoolgirls and a few gloomy looking boys back into the auditorium.

When Michiru entered the stage as the last act I noted that the flower I had given her was fastened in her hair, underlining her beauty even more, and as she began to play I thought that she had greatly understated her abilities. Tenderly she stroked her bow over the strings and as the single notes evolved into a beautiful music, I recognised the piece Michiru was playing, for I had played it once too; it was an etude from Fiorillo.

Back when I had to attend piano lesson due to my father's wish of grooming me into a proper young lady, my teacher had pestered me for weeks on end with that etude, much to my dismay. It was technically quite a challenging piece of music and because of this, coupled with my hate of the lessons being forced upon me, I had never managed to play it fluent.

Now as Michiru played it on her violin with her eyes half closed, it looked like the easiest piece in the world. Note after note sprung forward effortlessly, the melody woven by her hand as smooth as silk. I was filled with awe for her talent. Her music had me spellbound, throughout the four pieces Michiru played, my eyes were focused on her, even when the students from the orchestra joined her in the last one, my gaze was fixed on Michiru, my ears drowning out all the other instruments beside her violin.

Only when the applause arose and Michiru's eyes opened again, the enchantment was broken. I rose along with the teachers and parents, applauding the beautiful women in her white dress.

The parents filed out of the auditorium to wait in the yard for their children to come out, while I went back to the rooms behind the stage in search for Michiru. She was in almost the same spot as before the concert, though now she was in conversation with an elderly man in a grey respectable looking suit. Spotting me coming round the corner, she waved me over.

"Tenou-kun this is the director of the school Jun Tsukigomi-san. Tsukigomi-san this is the friend I brought along, Haruka Tenou-san" she introduced us.

"Nice to meet you." I said and bowed to the director.

"Likewise." the older man replied with a smile. "I was just thanking Kaiou-san here once again for coming and playing tonight. We are very honoured to call such a gifted woman an alumnus of our school. But I won't keep you any longer, now that your friend is here." Tsukigomi bowed deeply to Michiru and left us alone. Around us the last of the students where getting together their music sheets and instrument, leaving one after another. Michiru as well had her violin placed in its housing and light shawl draped over her shoulders, ready to go. The hibiscus flower was still in her hair. She looked a bit pensive now that the concert was over.

"Would you like to go eat somewhere? I have something to talk about with you." she asked.

"Sure, I know a delicious Italian restaurant only short drive away from here. I suggested, wondering what it could be she wanted to talk about. Michiru agreed and we walked to my car.

The restaurant was rather small, with almost every table occupied when we arrived. Michiru remarked we might have to go somewhere else, just as I told the waiter my name and he led us to a table in the far corner of the room. Michiru questioningly raised an eyebrow.

"A reservation? You seem to have the evening planned out Tenou-kun." she remarked.

She made it sound as if I had been caught red handed and I could feel my ears growing warm, very warm though there was nothing to it. Raking a hand though my hair I stammered an excuse. "I just thought after the concert you... I... we might be hungry and..." Michiru thankfully interrupted me. "It's okay. It's nice having a friend who cares. You're always such a thoughtful guy."

Involuntarily I flinched a little at the 'guy' comment. Being called a friend and a guy at the same time by her wasn't right, yet I couldn't bring myself to bare the truth before her. It was going fine the way it was, wasn't it? So instead I asked a different question.

"You introduced me to Tsukigomi as your friend, not as your protégé. Why, if I may ask, Kaiou-san?"

She gave me a long, thoughtful look and took a sip from her water before she replied. "Throughout all the demands I had to place on you, you've been nothing but kind, doing more than our contract would have requested of you, therefore I would be honoured to call a person like you a friend."

My spirits sunk the longer she spoke, she sounded just like my father when he talked with the other elderly men he called friends but whom I know he only kept around because they were valuable business partners. I had come to like Kaiou Michiru a lot since we had started attending events together; to me she was a wonderful person and I had to admit that I was drawn to her. The slight hope that she might care on her own dwindled with each word. I shook my head.

"No Kaiou-san, I don't want you to feel compelled to offer me your friendship or anything. If this seems an obligation to you than just forget about it and this is all satisfied with the contract."

To my surprise Michiru smiled. "See, this is what I like about you; where I find myself caught in a net of formal phrases you simply speak your mind. Please, forget my convoluted sentence and call me Michiru."

Suddenly I was really happy again. "Then I guess you should call me Haruka."

"Only if you don't feel obliged to say that." Michiru winked at me but any more banter was cut short by the waiter bringing the menus and our conversation shifted to food and the dishes I could recommend here. We ended up ordering spaghetti frutti di mare for her and farfalle con fungi for me and a bottle of red wine.

Looking around I realised once again what Asami and I liked about the restaurant. The atmosphere was quiet and comfortable, our table was in a cosy corner of the room, the other tables far enough removed to give us privacy but close enough to not seem isolated so that the talk of the other guests was blending into an unobtrusive murmur in the background. Michiru started telling me about her younger years and why she had agreed to come play at her old school when the director had approached her with the request, as we waited for our dinner.

Michiru and Tsukigomi had a history. Back when she was in high school Tsukigomi was not yet the director, but only a normal teacher, his subjects having been classic Japanese and art with Michiru being one of his students.

Once he had spotted Michiru's talent in his art class, he had encouraged her to draw and paint more, doing what he could to cultivate her talent. With Tsukigomi's help Michiru had two paintings of her in an exhibition by the age of sixteen, something she was still grateful for. She had told him, that she was also playing the violin and though Tsukigomi could not help her with the music, he animated her to play at every chance once he had heard her. She was his favourite student, Michiru noted, and her teacher suggested more than once that she should take up an artistic career after high school, either as a painter or violinist. Smiling wistfully, she said she wished that she could have done it.

Contrary to me, she had complied with her father's wishes to follow him into business. I asked Michiru why she had to take over her father's company and almost slipped, just catching myself in time before telling the story of how I had defied my father, and happily so.

"I could not bring myself to disappoint him by leaving what he had build up with so much effort." was all the explanation she gave.

Maybe Michiru had not been disappointed by her father first, I thought. For all that we had in common, I saw some important differences between us, which had shaped our behaviour.

After we had finished the main course and I ordered tiramisu for both us, I remembered that Michiru had said she wanted to talk about something. Talking she had done a lot already, but no topic we crossed had justified the sombre look on her face, back when she had announced it earlier. I decided to bring it up.

"Michiru-san" I said, tasting the novelty of calling her by her first name. "As much as I like to get to know you better, this wasn't what you meant when you said we had to talk about something, was it?"

Michiru sighed, neatly placing her spoon next to her plate. "I kept putting of telling you because this was such a pleasant evening."

Her grave tone had me worried. "Did something happen?"

"No," she shook her head. "Not really. Kazuki called me this afternoon, saying he's back early and he wants me to go to the charity dinner with him tomorrow night."

I stared at her blankly, and all that passed my lips was a soft "Oh". I was unsure of what to reply, if I should say anything at all and much more uncertain of what to feel.

Going out with Michiru to these events had become a familiar practice to me, even though I had known from the beginning that it was only a temporary settlement. I had actually looked forward to this dinner with Michiru and now at the prospect of this last date being taken from me, I felt a pang of sadness I couldn't quite explain. Michiru gazed at me expectantly, waiting for a reply..

'This is business Haruka.' I reminded myself sternly. 'Get yourself together.'

"Do you want to go with him?" I asked, while chiding myself for sounding like a fool to her ears. As if she had any reason to reject Kazuki in my favour.

"I don't know." she said, playing idly with her spoon in the leftovers of her dessert, looking down pensively and then up again straight at me.

"I fail to see why I should bend to his every whim, when he has no trouble standing me up without notice. Did you know; the day when I asked you to accompany me to the gallery opening Kazuki didn't even tell me he would not make it? It was me who had called him."

"That is very insolent on his part." I said slowly, wondering how to read her words. As much as I had liked to bad-mouth him, Michiru seemed reluctant to talk ill about Kazuki, but I couldn't fathom why, so I was cautious. Did she have feelings for this guy, who so foolishly treated her negligent?

"It is, but I assume everybody expects us to show up together. It would appear weird if we were to show up separately after we have gone to the better part of these events before."

Suddenly an idea occurred to me, for this reminded me of the stories my father and mother had used to talk about at dinner. Scratch that, it reminded me of how my life would have almost played out.

"Michiru-san, are you engaged with this Kazuki-san?"

"What?!" she cried out, startled, and then she held her hand up to cover her lips, a bit embarrassed at her outbreak. "No, we are not engaged, but his company and my father's have been partners for years. People would talk..."

Michiru trailed off, looking lost for a moment in what she felt was her duty no matter how much an aversion she might feel for it and what she would like to do.

In the confidence that Michiru would rather have us go there tomorrow, I told her sternly, "You don't have to do what others, what your father, might want you to do. It's okay to be selfish and put your own wishes first once in a while."

"You mean, just like you put your own wants before the wishes of your father?" she asked and I looked at bewildered. "What do you kn...?" but I could not end the question before Michiru continued. "I don't know what occurred between you and your father, nor is it my intention to pry; I respect it that you don't want to talk about it, but your comments, sparse as they are, make it clear that you had a falling out of some kind. All I want to know is, did it start like this?"

Before me sat a woman, who managed a huge company, who had bested all the high expectations set on her with ease, and who was now looking at me like a child wanting to be told everything would be alright. It was so unlike how Michiru usually presented herself, that I could not even get angry at her for bringing up my father, I only felt sympathy for her, and a kind of deeper connection. I reached over the table and gently touched her hand.

"No, it did not start like this; that is all I can assure you. Let people talk and tell them to screw themselves." Her fingers entwined with mine. "They can't harm you, neither can Kazuki-san; you're the one whose has the power."

"Maybe you're right Haruka-san. Maybe Kazuki's pride needs to be quenched a little." And we both smiled at each other like accomplices.

Only when the waiter came up to our table, asking if there was anything else we might like to order, I noticed I still held Michiru's hand, now lightly stroking it with my thumb. Michiru's eyes followed mine and as if on count we both drew back our hands rather hurriedly.

With as placid a face as I could muster, I demanded the bill, while telling myself this had been offering comfort, a simply gesture from one friend to another.

Michiru would think it same, surely.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics 'Dream On' by Aerosmith

 

* * *

  
_Half my life_   
_Is in books' written pages_   
_Lived and learned from fools and from sages_   
_You know it's true_   
_All the things come back to you_   


* * *

 

I did not know when Michiru-san told Kazuki to screw himself, which I am sure she phrased a lot more politely, but after lunch she had send me an email.

_Haruka-san,_

_Thank you very much once again for being so outspoken with me yesterday. It's good to know one has a friend who talks sense into one's, at times, all-too-cloudy mind.  
Meet up with me at the charity dinner at seven._

_Kaiou Michiru_

Whether she wrote after calling up that guy or before to make herself go through with it, but I could not claim to care much; not as long as she had chosen me.  
However, if I was honest with myself, I had to admit that, from the moment Michiru had told me about Kazuki coming back until just now when I had read her mail, there had been an uneasiness in me, tightness in my chest as if I wanted to cough but couldn't quite.  
I was happy and relieved that Michiru was thinking of her own first. I did not wish to see my friend look as sad as she had the evening before when we talked about Kazuki and her obligations.  
"What's up with you, Tenou?" Hiroshi asked me suddenly "What is 'good'?"  
"Oh" I said, realising I must have voiced my gladness. "I'm sorry if I was disturbing you. It's nothing of importance."  
Though the conversation was dismissed and I retreated behind my screen, I could feel my colleague glancing at me every so often. It was nagging, I couldn't quite concentrate, having to correct my frequent typos. I sighed.  
"Just say it already what you want to say, Hiroshi, it's highly disturbing if you keep staring."  
It was too late form him to lie about staring, for I had fixated him right in the middle of doing so, but at least he had the grace to look slightly uncomfortable upon being caught. Not that it would have kept his mouth shut. "I wonder what this 'nothing of importance' is that has happened to you. You had a look as if the sun has lit up in your face my boy and you cannot tell me that is nothing."  
Now it was my turn to become flustered and protesting there really wasn't anything going on.  
"So you're unwilling to tell,huh?" He tried to poke once more.  
"If that's what you want to call it, then yes."  
Hiroshi, instead of letting it go, got up, put on his best impression of a fatherly face and came around to my desk. Patting me on the shoulder, he asked. "So, who is the girl you've met and who's writing you steaming love letters full of her passion for you?"  
"Enough!" I cried, whirling around, swatting away his hand. It was a very rude thing to do, to a senior colleague even more, but by now I was seething. Enough was enough. "I was happy for a friend. Now let me kindly do my work and do not bother me with any more crap." I hissed. He shrank back, as I was glaring daggers at him in want of an actual blade, before muttering I was quite touchy today and slinking back to his own desk.  
Finally I was able to finish writing the code as I was really looking forward to the evening.

* * *

Putting on the dress-shirt and suit that night had a melancholic feeling, for I knew it would be the last evening to go out with Michiru like this. Funny, I thought, how the same sort of parties and events I had detested to attend as a woman, had become quite appealing to me when I was disguised as a man. Even as a simple employee, a nobody without name in the illustrious circles of Tokyo's society, I felt freer than as the daughter of my father, who everybody know and who was ogled at in painful attempts to appear subtle. It was the combination of appearing as a men and being unknown, I realised; nobody cared about Tenou Haruka here and I only had to care about the woman I had come with.

When I arrived, Michiru was already standing in front of the entrance, waiting. I quickened my pace to get to her, after all making a lady wait was bad manners.  
"I'm sorry you had to wait Michiru-san." I apologized.  
"No no, I came a bit early. I..." she hesitated for the briefest moment "was looking forward to this evening."  
"I'm happy to hear that." I told her, raising her hand to my lips and kissing it lightly. "Then we should enjoy it best as we can."  
We both smiled at each other and as I looked into her eyes I couldn't help but think that Michiru felt the same melancholy which had gripped me. This evening would be an end in a way, we both knew it. Friend or not, with Michiru's schedule as CEO it were impossible to spend so much time together as in the last month.

Once we had passed through the doors into the foyer, heads of guests already arrived turned to see who the newcomers were and a good portion recognised Michiru Kaiou. Some, who were maybe hoping for deals with KaiouKom in the near future, came over to greet Michiru; others who thought themselves above ingratiating, simply waited for Michiru to make her way to them. After a month I now knew most of the faces and I myself was recognised as Michiru's companion – some nodded to me in passing, others, such as the three ladies I had met on the very first evening posing as a gentleman not only knew my name but talked a great length to me as well as to Michiru.

However it did not last long. We had been shown to our table by a waiter, and had taken our seats between two elderly couples, the Yanagis, a rich entrepreneur as Michiru told me and the now retired Iwais, old friends of Michiru's parents, when a new member arrived at our table. He was young, fairly handsome but with to much styling gel mashed into his black hair. Iwai-san greeted him in an exuberant manner. "Oh my dear! Kazuki-kun! It's been so long since we last saw you!"

So this was him.

I watched him as he answered Iwai-san's welcome with a most amiable smile and then proceeded to greet the rest of the table. Michiru, I noticed, watched anxiously as he made his round, reaching her as the last one, besides me. I regarded the exchange between the two with an expressionless face.

"Michiru-san" he exclaimed. "what a coincidence we should be sitting at the same table. It's good to see you again." He was a smooth liar, for it had been more than likely they should be sharing a table when most people had according to Michiru expected them together.  
"Good evening Kazuki-san, how nice of you to grace us with your presence again after you've been absent for so long." Her tone was as polite as his smile was charming, yet both theirs eyes were cold and I wondered if I was the only one noticing or if the rest of our party was so accustomed to falsities they simply did not care.

Kazuki seemed intent on ignoring my presence at the table, but I Michiru glanced once at me, than back at him and said in her sweetest voice. "May I introduce you to Tenou Haruka-san, a very promising member of our company who has become inducted in our circles."

"Nice." was his reply, acknowledging my presence with the barest nod. Clearly it did not please him to be cast aside for some uprising employee, some one he clearly deemed below his notice. However then other guest arrived at our table, their arrival distracting him and soon the starters were served.

All through dinner, Michiru held her conversation with me and the Yanagis and the couple next to them, whom I didn't know, making it a point not to even look at Kazuki. He did likewise, smooth-talking with the Iwais. I tried to listen into his conversations with them, but it was difficult. For once every so often Kazuki would shoot a dirty look in the direction of Michiru or me when he thought himself unobserved and I also had to pay attention to what my Michiru was saying next to me, when she would suddenly ask me a question or seeking my back-up in what she had just stated. Nevertheless I managed to catch a snippet of his conversation with Iwai-san, who had asked him why he, handsome young man that he was, had come alone today upon which the slimy actor replied he had hoped to see Michiru alone as well, but alas his hopes had been undone with an underling like me here.

I heard Iwai-san answering in defence of my impeccable behaviour, but it was obvious she was smitten with Kazuki's charm and I began to think that it might have been ill-advised to encourage Michiru in standing him up. Maybe my motives had not been as selfless as I wanted to believe.  
Waiting until I could get Michiru's attention again took me a while since she was in a vivid discussion about the latest transaction Yanagi's rival had executed and whether there had been any chance to prevent the deal. But just when I was about to speak to her, Kazuki appeared by her side, asking if she could spare a few minutes to talk to him in private. I hadn't even noticed when he had stood up from his seat.

Michiru looked at me reluctantly, but Kazuki gave a short, cheerful laugh. "Don't worry about him, he'll do fine without you for a little. I'm sure everybody will be nice to Tengu-san." The other guests at our table nodded.  
"It's Tenou." I told him coolly and we both stared at each other with unhidden animosity until Michiru got up with the promise to be back in a bit.

"My boy," Iwai-san whispered to me when his wife was distracted. "You'd better align yourself with Soma Kazuki if do not want to be crushed and negate the efforts Michiru-san has put in you. His father's company is almost as important as KaiouKom and they share a lot of deals, if you want into an executive position you need him as a friend not as an enemy."  
Tempting as it was to tell Iwai-san that I didn't give a damn about an executive position and that I simply hated precious Kazuki for being an arrogant ass, it would reflect badly on Michiru a lot more than a few angry stares, and Iwai-san meant only well. So I kept my gaze blank, simply nodding and saying thank you.

Now with Michiru gone, the whole affair had suddenly turned into one the dreary parties I had known from my home. Sure, I was still perceived and treated as a man, but alone amidst these people I didn't care for the act had lost its appeal. So I half-heartedly took part in the conversations, glancing around hall ever so often if Michiru was already coming back. Time went by and when I felt I couldn't take it anymore I excused myself to the bathroom and went to look for Michiru.

Taking the longest way possible to leave the hall had me seeing a lot of important faces, politicians, CEOs and generally the rich people, but neither Michiru nor Kazuki were amongst them. Outside in the foyer I turned right and walked down the corridor where a discreet sign indicated the bathrooms, although I had little hope of finding her there, the corridor was completely empty. As I could not simply walk into the ladies' bathroom dressed as a man, I waited in front of the door for almost ten minutes, but nobody came out.  
Sighing I started to walk back towards the main hall when I saw a staircase leading up to the first floor. I stopped. The staircase was laid out with a thick velvety carpet to absorb the sound of steps and had a general look silent importance about it. If one was looking for a spot to have a private conversation this staircase would be begging to be gone up, so I quickly made my way up.  
The steps led to a T-junction where a slender man stood behind the bar. Left and right the carpeted hallway went on with a door every few metres. Indecisive of what to do now, I stood there for a few moments, looking down both corridors just to see nobody until the barkeeper spoke to me.  
"Good evening sir, are you looking for a room to rest, a place to have a drink without being disturbed?"  
I shook my head. Upon a second look the man seemed to be more than a simple barkeeper, more like a concierge or something of the like and I was about to ask him whether he had seen Kazuki and Michiru come up here, but then thought it better not to. After all, where should they be if not in one of these rooms. If I asked the barkeeper, he might just as well tell Kazuki later that a blonde man had inquired about him. He wasn't going to get the any more satisfaction by knowing I followed him here, nor did I want Michiru to know.  
"Thank you, I was only looking for the bathroom." I said with a false smile and hopped he would attribute my searching gaze to looking for the toilets.  
"Then I must inform you, that you are on the wrong floor sir, the bathrooms are located downstairs. Just go down the corridor and then turn left."  
I thanked him and he bowed. Quickly I descended again, for the most embarrassing situation would be if Kazuki and Michiru were to come back only to find me waiting up here for them.  
My plan was to go back to the table, drink some wine and hope that I would not have to wait much longer, but as I crossed the foyer downstairs, I was caught by Chiaki-san, one of the three women I had met on the gallery opening a month earlier. She beckoned me over to her.  
"Tenou-san!" she exclaimed, rather unladylike as she gripped my hand enthusiastically. "Finally I have met you alone! You must come to my table for a while and we'll have a drink or two. I waited so long for a chance to have a little chat with you."  
Chiaki-san went on and on in the same manner. Her former companions, Hoga-san and Sanada-san, were sitting at different tables, therefore she really had me all to herself. True, I didn't have anything else to do, apart from waiting for my friend, but her mindless babble knew no end. Two glasses of wine down, she was still alternating between gossiping about the other young women eligible in these circles, present or not, and blatantly flirting with me. I switched to drinking water, trying my hardest to keep a polite smile plastered on my face until I was finally able to disengage myself.

Upon returning to the table I found it almost empty, only the two elderly couples were still sitting there, immersed in a vivid conversation, which they stopped as they saw me approaching.  
"Welcome back, Tenou-san, you've been away quite long" Yanagi-san said.  
"I was caught up, talking for a bit."  
"Did you leave Michiru behind, is she still talking?" Iwai-san asked.  
I looked at her puzzled. I had not seen Michiru since she had left this very table, as I told them.  
"Oh my, that is strange..." Iwai-san trailed off as her husband continued. "Kazuki came back a short while ago, telling us Michiru would be back with you and then he left."  
"Maybe Michiru-san is looking for you Tenou-san." Yanagi-san offered helpful.  
I thanked them and turned on my heels to go looking for my friend once again, cursing Kazuki under my breath.

Hurriedly I left the dining hall and jogged up the carpeted stairway. There I saw her sitting at the bar, as I had hoped. Immediately I was by her side. "Mi-" I started, then remembered the barkeeper. "Kaiou-san! There you are. I was worried about you."  
Michiru said nothing, she looked at my with blank eyes, as if she was trying to figure out where she knew my face from. She downed her glass and set it on the counter next to another empty one.  
"Kaiou-san, we should go downstairs again." I tried again, but she motioned for the barkeeper to bring her another glass.  
"I don't want to hear what I should! I don't want to go to that freaking circus downstairs!" she exclaimed heatedly. I took the new glass before Michiru could reach for it, sniffing the contents. It was sake, and strong one judging by the smell.  
"That's my drink Haruka!" Michiru protested when I didn't give her the glass. Her speech was already wobbly. Didn't this slick guy behind the counter over see that Michiru was getting herself drunk and that she shouldn't have anymore?  
"Maybe you had enough for this evening." I suggested gently and Michiru flared up again. "No I haven't, I can make my own decisions! And it's my decision to have another sake! Hand over my glass Haruka!"  
Ignoring her order I waved the barkeeper over.  
"How long is the lady sitting here already and just how many drinks has she had already." I asked him.  
"I don't know exactly sir, I do not time the guests with a stop watch." The desire to slap his insolent face was almost overwhelming. "Fine, then tell roughly the time she came here. At least you must know how many drinks you poured her."  
"As you wish sir, she has been here for the better part of an hour and had three more glasses of sake."  
In addition to the two standing here?" I asked, motioning at the two empty one in front of Michiru.  
"Yes."  
"Put the sake away, she won't be drinking the last one." I told him.  
"I'm sick of men like you making decisions for me!" she hissed when I shoved the sake out of her reach.  
If Michiru had been drinking here for almost an hour, the conversation with Kazuki must have finished shortly after Chiaki-san had abducted me.  
 _'Goddamn it, such a close miss!'_  
Though I didn't know why Michiru had suddenly been overcome by the urge to drown so much alcohol, I knew that she had more then enough, judging by her looks. Clearly the reason was in some way or other named Kazuki, I couldn't guess what exactly had happened, neither did I feel like really want to know. There would be time to find out later. The task at hand now, was bringing Michiru home safely, preferably without having her being seen drunk by the other guests.  
"Come on Kaiou-san, it is time for you to go home." I said to her softly, extending my hand for her to get up from the barstool. But she slapped it away.  
"Didn't you hear me? I said I'm sick of you telling me what to do!" she shouted.  
I had never seen her like this. She was upset and about to loose control, all because of whatever that bastard had said to her. If he still had been here, I would have smacked him good in his arrogant face, but he wasn't. And I had more pressing matters at hand. Once again I tried talking to Michiru.  
"I'm not telling you what to do Kaiou-san. I would never do that. I am only asking you if you would come down with me for I'd hate to leave you here alone."  
This time she did not slap my hand away, yet she didn't take it either. Michiru tried standing up on her own, only to sway and grip for the counter as a support.  
"Please, let me help you." I offered again but she still wasn't inclined to accept help. Only when Michiru slipped on the first step and I nearly caught her around the waist, she allowed herself to be guided.

With a lot of luck I managed to steer her out of the building and around the back to the parking ground without being seen. Now I was looking up and down the rows of cars for her company car in which she usually rode to these kind of events, but it wasn't anywhere to be seen. Michiru, though still standing on her own legs, was heavily leaning against me and would probably just have slid down on the ground if it hadn't been for my arm around her waist holding her up.

"Where's your driver Michiru-san?" I asked her.

She didn't respond. The fresh air seemed to have hit her, amplifying the intoxication. I knew it from the few parties including heavy drinking I had visited during university. As long as one was sitting everything was fine, standing up was difficult for most, and the drunkest keeled over when the got outside. I repeated my question more urgent and succeeded in getting a mumble from her this time.

"Pardon? What was that?"

"At home. I said he's at home." She said, steadying herself on my shoulder to look up at me. "The organisation committee had sent a car to fetch me." Her gaze wavered over my face, but she tried to look me into the eyes.  
 _'Great.'_

"Alright, then we'll have to take mine. Come on, careful now." So she was all my responsibility. Inwardly sighing, I half walked, half dragged her along the rows of vehicles, back to where I had found a parking space. Now I was glad, that I had not had so many glasses of wine when listening, or rather pretending to listen to Chiaki-san. At least I was still able to drive, for calling a taxi would take a least fifteen minutes and going back in and asking for a driver to bring Michiru home would lead to embarrassing gossip afterwards if they saw her this wasted. By now I knew her well enough, that her pride would never take such a disgrace.

I helped her onto the co-driver seat, where she willingly let herself be placed. It was, I mused as the engine came to live with a gentle hum, fortunate that I knew by now where Michiru lived.

At this hour the streets in Michiru's district were deserted; no other drivers were on the road in a residential area after midnight.. I drove slowly and carefully through the lamp lit streets. When I turned to look at her, Michiru's head had slumped against the window, eyes closed. Gently I shook her, afraid for second that she had gone unconscious. Maybe she had had even more drinks than I had thought, maybe she already had more sake during the conversation with Kazuki.. She didn't open her eyes, but to my relief mumbled something. For the rest of the drive I let her doze.

It was an unexpected coincidence, but right before her apartment building there was one free parking space, though I wasn't going to complain about my luck. Reluctantly Michiru woke up after I had told her to several times. That's to say, she woke up just enough to climb out of the car with my help and be led into the building.  
"The floor. It is... it is swaying." Michiru slurred. In response I tightened my grip around her as we walked in. When she leaned her head against my shoulder in the elevator, I caught the faint scent of her perfume. She smelled nice. Not so sickening sweet as other women, for example Chiaki-san, who had me almost choking on her fume clouds, but subtly fresh, a wild flower aroma maybe.

My contemplations however, were cut short by a 'pling' as the elevator announced it had reached the top floor. We walked out and suddenly her legs gave way. She tried to grab my shirt, but her reflexes were too slow, too dulled by the alcohol. Surprised by her full weight suddenly depending on my arm, I stumbled but managed to prevent her body from sliding down onto the floor. I waited for Michiru to steady herself again, but she made no attempt to walk on her own legs again.  
"Are you okay?" I asked her worriedly. "Everything's spinning..." she murmured.  
Dragging Michiru down the hallway to her door would do no good. Sighing I helped her sit down, resting her against the wall as a support, before I took her purse searching it for the key.

Finally having fount it in a side pocket, I went to open the apartment door just as Michiru took a hold of my sleeve. "Don't go." she pleaded but I assured her I'd be back in no time at all, only unlocking the door.

Michiru was not heavy at all when I returned to gently pick her up and carry her into the apartment. Her slender form fitted well in my arms. Michiru maybe thought the same as I felt her snuggle against my chest and I smiled a little _._

So I entered her apartment for the first time with the resident woman in my arms, somewhere in between sleep and drunken stupor and made my way to the living room where I gently placed Michiru down on the couch to fetch her glass of water. It had been some time since I had last dealt with a drunken person, since the end of my studies as far as I remembered, but I still knew that water was almost the only thing that helped to soothe the indisposition. We both had been silent since I had taken her up in my arms and neither said a word now. I just handed her the glass, which she accepted, smiling at me thankfully before closing her eyes again and sinking back into the cushions.

My watch told me it was close to one in the morning. The best I could do, I thought, was to put her into bed where she could have a good night's rest instead of passing out on the couch. I pondered to take Michiru to bathroom but decided against it. She didn't seem particularly likely to be sick and other than helping her throw up there wasn't much I could do.  
Maybe though I should remove her make-up I thought.. I went over to the bathroom, had a short look around and found the cleaning tissues I was looking for in a cabinet. Armed with an oily tissue I returned to the couch and sat down. She seemed to have fallen asleep again, her chest heaving steadily. Her face now was looking much more serene and less agitated than it had back at the dinner.  
I didn't know exactly what had upset her so much that she had to drown it in copious amounts of sake, but the reason sure as hell was Kazuki, although her incoherent outbursts only left me guessing what exactly had transpired between them.

Gently I touched her cheek with the tissue and started to wipe the make-up away. First along her right cheekbone, then along the left and down to her mouth, then upwards again following her jaw line; always with soft motions to disturb her as little as possible. When I touched her eyelid to remove the eye-shadow, Michiru's eyes fluttered open and she stared at me. My movements came to a hold.

"What are you doing?" she asked me in a slow slur.  
"Removing your make-up and then putting you to bed." I answered. "Just hold still for little longer."

Obediently Michiru closed her eyes again, murmuring a thank you, and I carefully wiped the eye-shadow and eye-liner away. She reopened her eyes again and rewarded me with a soft smile. I returned it and felt a deep relief that she did seem a bit better now, her gaze was more focused again. It was really curious how attached to her I had gotten. Only five weeks had passed since she had asked me to help her out as an accompanist, yet I found myself caring for her. It was strange, normally it took me months to open up to someone so much. But being Michiru's friend felt right, in a way I could not explain. The only other person to gain my affection this fast had been Asami.

"Can you stand up or shall I carry you to your bedroom?" I asked when I was done.  
She didn't answer immediately but tried to push herself up limply. "Would you mind carrying me Haruka-san?"she said when she had failed to stand up on her own. I shook my head. I wouldn't have offered it, if I minded. I bent down to Michiru and she put her hands around my neck. I was about to lift her up, when I rather felt than saw her gaze. It was intent, almost piercing, her deep ocean blue eyes like endless depths in the dimmed light.

"Is something wrong?" I brought myself to ask after a moment of being caught.

"Thank you, Haruka-san." She whispered, closing her eyes and leaning in. Instinctively I turned my face away and her lips only brushed my cheek. Michiru appeared surprised at my reaction. Her hands slid from around my neck, she pushed herself away while I looked at her confused.

"Why did you avoid it?" she demanded. Suddenly she didn't sound all that drunk anymore and her sharp eyes were pinning me right to the place. "Don't you think me good enough?"  
Michiru sounded aggressive but hurt at the same time. I was felt sorry, but it would have been wrong to accept her kiss under this circumstances. Carefully I searched my mind for an explanation which wouldn't insult her and didn't consist of the words "Sorry, but I'm a woman."

The only way I could think of was embracing her. I pulled her back in my arms, and though she struggled at first, Michiru let it happen reluctantly.  
"I won't do something you might regret when waking up in the morning." I softly told her.

"Ever the gentleman, aren't you Tenou-san?" she said dryly.  
I felt sorry for her, wondering what compelled a beautiful and proud woman to throw herself on a guy like this.

"I really think you should have some sleep now, Michiru-san." I matter-of-factly said and gathered her up in my arms, carrying her over into the bedroom. Michiru did not resist, but neither did she snuggle up against me as she had done previously, when I had carried her through the door. I didn't know how many or what kind of men she had been involved with in her life so far, but it must have appeared as an insult to her no matter what my words were. For a woman like her to be refused by a 'man' was no a thing she encountered often if ever.  
However, the most confusing thing was the slight tinge of a feeling akin to regret I felt at not returning the kiss. But Michiru and I were friends - friends did not kiss each other.

We both would have regretted it, either tomorrow morning or sometime later.

Once in her bedroom I carefully lowered Michiru down onto the bed. She made no move whatsoever. Trying to kiss me and being denied seemed to have drained her last resources of energy for the day and she was, from the looks of it, already half asleep again or feigning it.

After unzipping her dress and dutifully averting my eyes until she was under the covers, I bade her good night and she murmured a reply.

My intention was to leave for home, to go into my own bed, for the night had drained me as well, yet the prospect of having to drive through half of Tokyo to get back home was not particularly enticing. Only for a moment, I thought, just a moment to collect myself would not hurt. I sat down on the large couch Michiru had previously lain on. The glass and the water bottle still stood on the same spot I had placed them earlier; of course who should've moved them.

I reached out and poured myself a glass. The water was pleasantly cool, refreshing my tired mind a bit and I drank half of the glass at once. Then I held it up before my eyes watching the liquid, amber as cognac in the dim light, swirl in the glass.

_'Wasn't that an indirect kiss just now? It was the same glass Michiru had drunken off and I've drank from it without thinking...'_

Maybe I should not have averted my face but allowed her to kiss me, she surely could have done with some physical comfort, I mused. In my mind I looked into those seemingly bottomless depths again, dark and luring before the switch was flicked and they were blazing like steel, reproachful and hurt. I had pained me to see her like this, I had really wanted to offer her some kind of comfort but I hadn't known how.

_'Maybe I should have closed my eyes and returned the kiss to those soft lips. But would it have been the right thing to do?'_

The glass connected with the table with bright clink, a little more forcefully than I had intended. Sighing my head slumped back on the headrest of the sofa and I ran my hand through my hair agitatedly. It wouldn't have been right, not as an act of compassion. Not when she thought of me as a man. Michiru was a person I cared for, as a friend; therefore such thing should not happen. In vain I tried to ban the thoughts from my head. Asami's gloomy predictions seemed to be right, this was getting more and more complicating, the longer it went.

_'Damn'_

The dull harbingers of a headache to come were in throbbing my temples and I closed my eyes, massaging the pain.

_'She would have regretted it tomorrow morning, she surely would...'_

* * *

A sudden sharp pain in my neck had me open my eyes. My first impression was being caught in a dream. Although the ceiling above was white just like the one in my bedroom, I knew for certain that my walls were not creamy-coloured, just as I knew that I had no painting of a rough shore on the wall across from my bed. Slowly I sat up cursing under my breath. From the looks of it I had dozed off on Michiru's couch instead of going home. Hopefully she wasn't awake yet, then I might be able to sneak out of her apartment.

However this hope was shattered even before I had a chance to get to my feet, as, just in the moment where I made up my mind to get out, a door softly swung open, revealing a still sleepy Michiru in her nightshirt. When her gaze fixed on my head sticking out above the headrest her eyes went wide. I jumped to me feet immediately.

"I'm sorry, Michiru-san!" I exclaimed hastily." I just fell asleep on your couch last night, I didn't mean to. I shall leave at once!"

"No, it's alright. After all, you had to take care of me last night," she paused for a moment, maybe thinking what had happened last night but collected herself quickly by putting on a cheerful face. "You're welcome to stay for breakfast Haruka-san. Just wait here while I make myself presentable."

And with that she swiftly disappeared into the bathroom. I stared dumbfounded at the locked door for a moment and then sat down on the couch again. Did this mean we were to act as if nothing had happened and just forget it? Probably it was better not to ask, but I hated feeling so confused.

_'What a way to start a day.'_

I kneaded my stiff neck. Apart from sparing me this embarrassing waking, I wouldn't be aching all over if I had slept at home. Yet I was still in for the biggest shock when I locked down at myself and noted that first: my jacket had come of somehow during the night; most likely I put it of but didn't remember, and second: the bandages over my chest had come loose. The swell of my breasts was distinctly visible beneath my dress shirt. I prayed to God or whatever higher power might be listening, that Michiru had still been not awake enough to notice.

Redoing the bindings in the middle of the living room would have been too much a risk to take, so I waited and when I heard the lock turn, I made sure to be hidden behind the couch. Michiru stepped out, now dressed in sweatpants and a light pullover. Her hair was still damp and she pulled it up in a ponytail. I had never seen her dressed so casual before, but it suited her.

"I've put a clean towel next to the shower for you. I'm sorry I don't have any clothes to change, which I could offer you. I'll be making breakfast while you can shower." She said, before heading off to the kitchen.

The thought of telling her I could very well dress in everything she might have in her wardrobe crossed my mind, but I dismissed it. Now was not the time to break the news.

Once Michiru was safely out of sight, I got up and rushed into the bathroom where I turned the lock to guaranty my safety. Triple-checking it, I finally stripped down, threw the loose bandages on the floor and stepped into the shower. The hot water did wonders to my stiff neck and I stood beneath the jet as long as possible without being impolite.

Relaxed and refreshed I felt a lot calmer - especially since my secret appeared to be save for the time being, until I would find a good time to tell Michiru – deciding to just let the morning come along and see what would happen. With a carefully wrapped chest I finally emerged from the bathroom.

Breakfast was ready, judging by the delicious smell wavering through the apartment. I followed my nose to the kitchen where Michiru was just finishing setting the table.  
"It smells wonderful!" I told her. Michiru turned, startled to suddenly hear my voice behind her. "Thanks." she said. "I thought you were the type for a European breakfast so I made pancakes and coffee. I'm afraid, there wasn't much to make a meal out of than eggs and flour in the kitchen. Well, and fruits." she added.

I assured her that it was perfectly fine. "But what do you usually eat for breakfast if there's nothing in your cupboards and your fridge?" I asked.

Michiru poured coffee in both cups. "Don't think me spoiled, but usually I have breakfast on the way to the office. I just eat whatever Taneguchi-san brings along when she fetches me. I eat out far more often than in my own apartment." Michiru admitted put the coffee-pot away and sat down. "Let's eat before it gets cold. Help yourself Haruka-san."  
We started eating. The pancakes were delicious, no matter how little Michiru claimed to cook. Both of us were hungry, so at first we ate without slowing ourselves down by talking, but then the clatter of cutlery receded slowly as the silence between us stretched on. The events of the last evening hung over the table, impending, while we were doing our best to ignore them. I searched desperately for something to say, anything to break the silence but I didn't know how to start.

Just as I was about to open my mouth to say something silly about the view from the kitchen window, when Michiru beat me to it. With a loud clang the knife and fork she'd been holding fell on the table, as she sighed exasperated and rested her head on her hands. "I made a complete fool out of myself yesterday! I don't know where to begin apologizing. You must think me a horribly and weak person now."

"It's okay. I'm sure you had your reasons, in a way..." I trailed off.

"No! It's not okay!" she shouted. "I selfishly got drunk without thinking of the consequences and then, even worse I took advantage of your kindness Haruka-san."

At least ten possible responses ran through my head, none of them really felicitous. I only hoped Michiru would not start crying, for then I would really be at loss how to comfort her properly.

"I still say it was okay. If someone is at fault here it was Soma-san. " I insisted. It could have been such a wonderful evening if this idiot hadn't showed up. Michiru looked up again, smiling weakly.

"You're far too lenient with me Haruka-san. True, Kazuki was riling me up but that's no excuse for letting his provocations get to me and loosing control." and then Michiru went on, the words just spilled from her lips as if she wanted to get them all out she began relating the events of their private conversation to me. "When he had led me upstairs in one of the rooms he asked me whether I was thinking I was annoying him by coming there with you, calling you a second-class substitute and said that I was only embarrassing myself. Kazuki called me a spoiled little girl who shouldn't be allowed to run the company if I acted so childish and stubborn and that he couldn't understand how my father thought I was able to run a company if I made such questionable decisions. You know, I think it really vexed Kazuki that I refused him." she commented wryly. "Anyway, then when he had concluded his rant about you, he warned me that I should not think of myself so high and mighty, for KaiouKom needed him and his contacts abroad. It was sickening to hear him boast about all the new deals he negotiated last month in Europe, when I'm pretty sure most of the time he was spending his money on pretty girls having a good time with him. He said more, mostly about how much good his business has done to my father's company, which I shouldn't foolishly put in jeopardy and that I should be grateful for having his company, when there where so many women in and out of Japan all yearning to be at his side. It's silly, but his words got to me last night, even though I knew has was only saying them to spite me." Michiru paused, drew in a deep breath before she came to the last part of her speech. "I drank to swallow down my own anger and my insecurity as well. The alcohol made me light-headed and... and I'm sorry, truly sorry for what happened last night."

"Don't worry about it anymore. Soma-san is probably all talk, you shouldn't trouble yourself about it." I said trying to sound optimistic.  
"You don't know him Haruka-san. Where Kazuki's pride is concerned he doesn't take it lightly." Michiru rested her head on her hands once more, apparently brooding.

In an attempt to be useful, I started cleaning away the remains of our breakfast. Now that I knew what insults Kazuki had been flinging at Michiru, I despised him even more. It was degrading for a man of his position to treat a woman, especially such a wonderful person like Michiru, this way. If I hadn't disliked him already my opinion of him would have sunk to rock-bottom after hearing this. Despite everything Michiru had told me just now, I still wondered why she had come onto me in the end. Whatever her reasons had been, she had skipped out on telling it, leaving me to guess. Did she want to prove to herself, that she was a desirable woman? A look in the mirror should be enough to convince her of that fact. While I wondered if Michiru was really oblivious to all the heads turning whenever she entered a room, a cry from the table disrupted my thoughts.

"That's it!"

"Pardon?" I asked Michiru confused, for she was now sitting upright at the table and looked very energetic, quite contrary to her brooding self a few minutes ago.

"I have an idea on how to do without Kazuki. KaiouKom simply has to get its own contact abroad so it will be independent of his influence."

That made sense. Getting rid of Kazuki was a plan I was all in favour of. "Sounds good, Michiru-san, but how will you go about this?" I asked.

My friend beamed at me. "Kazuki's boasting with his connections to Europe, so I'll get partners in America. I'll have Taneguchi-san write down a list with worthwhile buyers to whom KaiouKom can extend its market, then we'll set up meetings and everything will be wrapped up in no time."

It was a bit too optimistic, but I saw Michiru was launching herself on this new idea to build up her confidence again, therefore I encouraged her. It was just to good to see her smile.

"I know it's a lot to ask of you Haruka-san, in particular after yesterday, but would you please come with me?"

Michiru's eyes were resting on me, hopeful. The prospect of disappointing her would've hurt and moreover I was keen on anything that could impair Kazuki. I nodded.

"Of course. We'll go to America


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are taken from David Gray's "As I'm leaving"

* * *

  
_As I'm leaving_   
_A change comes on my eyes_   
_These streets persuading me_   
_With mumbled strange goodbyes_   


* * *

For weeks I had anticipated the date of my release from hospital, now it had finally come. When the doctor had come round for a last check-up, he had noticed my hardly touched breakfast on the bedside table. "You shouldn't skip the most important meal of the day even if you can't wait to get out here." He softly admonished.

I looked to the dish and back at him. "I just didn't feel hungry..."

But he wasn't here to criticise me, I realized as he winked at me. "It's alright, Tenou-san, most patients, who had to spend a long time hospitalised, are a little nervous and excited when they are released. So let us run over your condition for one last time."

I smiled gratefully at him, for as anxious as I was to get out of the hospital, I was unsure of what awaited me at home; my father had not once visited me after the first time and mother, hadn't shown up either.

Still, one more day confined in these drab rooms and I might go crazy. It was time to get out of here, I needed to feel the wind again.  
I let myself be examined and thanked him, for all he had done for me to which he simply nodded. After all, it was his job. Then he left, expressing the wish to not see me in here again any time soon; a wish I would happily comply.

I had showered and was about to set about packing my stuff in a bag Tomohito had brought a few days before, when I had told him I was about to be released, when there was a knock on the door. Upon my calling Kyoko entered.

"Hey." I greeted her. "What brings you here this morning? I thought you had no patients to tend to until noon."

"No, but I thought drop by and help you packing and say goodbye to you." she answered, as she moved over to the the locker and began collecting the stuff stored in the higher cases. I was about to protest, but Kyoko would not have it, forestalling my objections with a raised hand.

"I know you don't want the help, but you're still going to get it."

If I had learn one thing from Kyoko these past weeks, it was that she was just as stubborn as I; when her mind was set, you didn't argue with her. So instead I went into the bathroom to collect my toothbrush and the rest of my toiletries. Together it took us little time to fill the bag. With nothing left to pack but time to kill we sat down. I tried sitting cross-legged on the bed, but the leg which had been broken still felt a little stiff, so I settled for letting both legs dangle from the bedside. The remnants of breakfast were still on the bedside table and I snagged a peach from the plate. Packing had, while not making me exactly hungry, fuelled my appetite. I offered Kyoko some, but she declined. We were both silent.

"Well I guess it is good-bye then Haruka-san. Might as well get some paperwork done, when I'm in early for once." Kyoko said after a moment as she rose from her chair.

I laughed. She hated the paperwork to the same degree as she loved working with people, she had confided in me once.

"You're welcome to postpone it and stay a bit longer."

"Yes, but I came to help you pack and say good-bye. We're done with packing, so there's only one thing left to do."

I got up from the bed as well and offered her a hand, which she squeezed tightly.

"You're a remarkable woman Haruka-san, not many would have recovered as fast as you did and none of my charges so far had the same determination as you."

Her praise touched me, yet I couldn't think of an appropriate response. All I had done, in my eyes had been stubbornly struggling to get together again.

"Thank you for everything, Kyoko-san, thank you..."

"Remember to continue your exercises at home, but don't overdo it." she called over her shoulder as she walked out, then the door fell shut behind her.

It was time I got out here as well. One last look around, although I knew we had forgotten nothing, then I picked up the bag and left the room as well. Downstairs in the reception area Tomohito was already waiting for me. He spotted me the moment I stepped out of the elevator and rushed over to take my bag. "What are you doing here?" I was surprised to see him in the hospital, it wasn't yet his lunch break. In fact I had not expected anyone to come and pick me up today, but to ride home in a taxi.

"I'm here to pick you up of course." He said and smiled at me, the same caring smile he always used to give me. Once more he attempted to take my bag, but I withdrew it from his reach.

"I can carry that by myself, thank you." I snapped. Though I knew he meant well and was only trying to help, I hated being pampered, and over the course of the past week I had been pampered more than ever, so now that I was officially released I would not have it any more. Tomohito laughed. "Stubborn as ever. Well, I'm just glad to see you out of this place finally." He said and tousled my hair, but then his hand snapped back as if he had been burnt and we both looked awkwardly at one another. He murmured an apology as I redid my ponytail and we left in silence.

I had looked out of the car window, noting that, compared to speeding on my bike, the landscape passed by slowly in the car, while Tomohito kept his eyes fixated on the road. It would never be the same between me and him as before, the scene in the hospital had made it painfully clear. Seeing how Tomohito had to force himself to act normally around me, or as close to normal as he could, made me angry and sad at the same time, yet I couldn't shout at him. I felt like I was loosing my brother over something so stupid as love.

Why was I even returning? There was nothing there I looked forward to seeing now.

"I talked to your father about the engagement." Tomohito interjected into my pensive silence. I jerked my head around to face him, intent on what was about to come. Tomohito took a heavy breath, before he retold my father's harsh words. "Katsuya-san was of the impression that you're deluded, even more so after your crash and all you needed was somebody to put some sense into you and was about to go to the hospital straight away, but I reminded him what happened the last time when he tried to coerce you into doing his biding. Then he suggested I'd go. I declined, saying that we talked about the whole affair and that I was going to respect your wishes in the matter, as he should, too, but I'd still be happy to continue working as his junior partner and take over some day if he would have me, even when I'm not his son-in-law."

"I bet father wasn't pleased to hear that." I could see the scene clearly before me; father sitting behind his burly, polished desk in his study, playing off the image of the mighty businessman, facing Tomohito sitting across from him in one of the lower chairs, who stared back at my father with his calm eyes, both of them arguing. Father continually growing louder, while Tomohito kept his tone low, by now he knew to much of the ways my father manipulated the people around him to be intimidated by his little tricks.

"Of course Katsuya-san wasn't pleased, but... well, the engagement is officially off." Tomohito concluded.

It was a relief to hear it for certain.

"Thank you." I said, noting it was already the second time this day that I was saying those words filled to the brim with emotion. I had to watch out before the day became too sappy. But Tomohito deserved my gratitude. And iIt couldn't have been easy on him to let me go.

When we pulled up in front of the house, I snatched my bag from the back seat, before Tomohito could offer to carry it inside for me. Up in my room I carelessly flung the bag down right by the door and took a look around. My room was the same as always, as if I hadn't been away for weeks. The same bland interior as ever; the bed neatly made, the furnitures polished by the hands of our maids and the curtains drawn back to illuminate the room. It looked much more like a hotel room than my own bedroom for nothing in it suggested the presence of a person living here.  
The only thing I liked in here was the view from my window. I looked down into the garden behind our house, a garden so big it could almost be considered a park, and then my eyes wandered to the walls of the garden and behind where not every tree was trimmed and every flower groomed.

I had to get out of this impersonal room. Quickly I stripped down and changed into sports cloths to do my exercises outdoors.

The weather was warm already as I entered the garden, taking care to find a secluded spot where I wouldn't be visible for someone looking out from the house. When I had found one, almost at the farthest wall and separated by hedges, I took a deep breath of air which smelled of spring and a promise of summer to come. A light breeze brushed past, playing in my long hair. I tied it back into a ponytail, so it wouldn't obscure my view, then I diligently started on the exercises, just as Kyoko had shown me.

When the bell rang, calling the inhabitants of the house to dinner, I came down, freshly showered and dressed, and for the first time since their only hospital visit I met my parents again. Mother rose from her chair as I entered the dining room, greeting me with a tender embrace.

"Welcome home, Haruka. It's wonderful to have you back again." My mother said, but I couldn't help thinking it obviously wasn't wonderful enough that seeing me again could not be adjourned until dinner.  
Tomohito was out this evening, giving us time to "reconnect" as he had called it. A futile undertaking as I thought.  
Father acted exactly as I had predicted it, he didn't even bother to raise his head when I came in and throughout the duration of the meal he did not speak a word with me. He had not gotten his way and so he was still extremely annoyed that he had to call off the engagement, I was sure. Probably he even accused me of trying to turn Tomohito against him.

Mother tried to hold up a conversation, but father's responses to her were monosyllabic and I didn't care for another of what I felt was a half-hearted attempt on my mother's part in keeping up the act, which she soon gave up. Father left the table as soon as he had finished eating without a so much as glance in my direction and only a short nod to my mother. "I'll be in my study, dear. Don't wait up for me."

When we were alone, my mother gently placed her hand on my arm and started talking. "Don't think your father doesn't like you Haruka, he was just as worried about your health as I was. Even if he can't bring himself to show it, he is glad that you are back home now."

Her soft voice irked me. Where, I asked myself, had the full vibrant voice that had sung me lullabies in my childhood disappeared to? The more domineering my father had grown, the more mother had subdued to his temper by speaking softly, bordering on inaudible at times and always in father's affirmative.

"Sure, you were worried so much you did not bother to show up a second time mum."

She looked hurt and caressed my hand as if apologizing. "Don't put it like that Haruka. I was thinking about you every day, but your father was still so worked up about the whole incident, you must understand..."

What exactly it was that I had to understand, she didn't say and maybe she didn't really know it herself. Calling the accident and the argument preceding it "the whole incident", using such non-specific terms, it made me wonder if mother was just trying to shut her eyes before the harsh reality. As if painting our problems in nice pastel-coloured words would make them go away. I felt sick of it and I spat it out into the face of my mother.

"Father tried to sell me into a marriage solely for his own interests. You can't make it sound like a trifle. Or have you grown so comfortable in this golden cage here that you do not care about my future as long as it does not affect your life here, where he has placed you as a trophy to show off?"

Maybe it was unfair to blow up on mother when the prime target should be my father, but, despite being twenty-five, a small part of me felt betrayed by her. Was she really so dependant on father?

Whatever answer I had expected, mother gave none, but the way her gaze dropped on the table, as if almost guilty, was enough to make me stand up and leave.

"Goodnight" I called at the door, then I left her sitting alone.

* * *

The first breakfast the following morning was the same strained affair as dinner the night before, the only difference being Tomohito sitting next to me at the table. While father discussed their schedule for the day with Tomohito; visiting the new store, the meetings and so on; I was still being ignored by him. Mother was silent as well and she did not meet my eye.

I sighed inwardly and left the table as soon as I had finished. The rest of the day I spend outside in the garden, doing my exercises or reading when I had to take a break. Nobody came out to disturb me, for which I was thankful and when I returned to the house in the evening and told our cook I'd like to eat in my room he agreed with a simple nod.

Eating lying on the bed while watching television was more relaxing than sitting stiffly downstairs, busy with ignoring and being ignored. When the film had ended I pulled out my mobile to call Asami. She picked up after a few rings.

"Hey. Back out in the real world?" she greeted me.

I laughed. "More or less. At least I'm not confined to a bed anymore and not under constant supervision. How are you doing?"

"Quite okay. Work's piling up a little at the moment, but we should meet, go out for drinks on the weekend to celebrate your release. I could call the gang from our university together and Tomohito..."

As Asami mentioned his name so guileless, it came to me that she didn't know about the engagement. When she had visited me in hospital I had not told her; the first time because I hadn't remembered it myself and then because I was too confused about it all, trying to ignore the problem at hand. The problem had been solved but could Tomohito and I really go back to the way it was before, laughing and joking around with my friends – did I still want him to?

For all we tried,there was something like an invisible wall between me and him now.

I sighed, interrupting Asami's plans for celebrating my recovery. "There's something I have to tell you." I started and told her how the man who was a brother to me had fallen in love with me, prompting my father to try and take the opportunity to secure his legacy which in turn had me repulsed and revolting. As I talked for the better part of an hour, only interrupted by Asami's occasional gasps or cries of outrage, I realised how good it felt to talk it all off with somebody not directly involved.

When we bade each other good night Asami had abandoned her plans for a party out on the town, instead we agreed to meet for lunch on Sunday.

I put the tray with the dishes down outside my door, together with a note reading that I'd have breakfast in my room as well.

* * *

Although it was easier to keep a frail peace by avoiding the rest of the household, eating separately and spending the day out in farthest corner of the garden, it increased the feeling of living in a hotel of some sort when I returned to my bedroom. Apart from my clothes and a few books it contained nothing personal, no pictures, no souvenirs. All my personal stuff was still in the apartment in Tokyo where I had lived during my studies. Maybe I ought to get it back I pondered but dismissed the thought soon. Having my personal belongings here would hardly make this house any more a home to me.

On the third day after my release my daily routine I had developed was disturbed. I woke up in the morning at the usual time according to the clock on the bedside table yet it was far darker than the last mornings. Turning around in my bed, towards the window, I was greeted by a grey heavy sky heralding rain. If I was able to spend half the day outside I would be lucky.  
I wasn't. By the time I had showered and dressed it was already pouring down.

_'Great...'_

Spending the day confined indoors was harder than it seemed at first. Flipping through the channels on television bored me even more instead of alleviating some of the boredom, the few books I had in my room I had read through already and when I went down into the library to read there, I jumped out of the armchair every time heard steps pass by the door. Restlessness and the wish to avoid my family plagued me. Finally I gave up on trying to advance any further in the novel's plot and left the library.

In search of something to pass the time, my steps carried me to the garage. For a moment I hesitated, then changed my slippers and opened the door leading from the corridor directly into the back of the garage.

It was cooler here than inside the main house. The smell of motor oil and gas hung in the air, mixed with the scent of rain drifting in under the gaps of the garage doors was like welcome-back, a greeting after my long absence.  
I inhaled deeply and made my way past the row of cars, one belonging to my mother, which she never used but still kept, the boasting Mercedes of my father and Tomohito's car. Striding past them all to the other side, I came to the place where my motorbike was parked, right next to the workbench, so I could modify and tinker with it any time.  
Back in the hospital the thought of my bike had crossed my mind a few times, wondering how bad it had looked after the crash, if it needed to be sent to a repair shop or if I could fix it myself. Still, for as much as I had missed my bike, missed the freedom it gave me, I hadn't been able to go look for it the moment I had gotten home.  
No matter how much I denied, or rather tried to deny it, the accident had me scared and I was afraid to be faced with the remains of it. But my bike was my pair of wings, which I needed to take back. The only problem being the bike was not in its usual spot.  
Where was it?  
I looked around the garage, hoping it was standing in a corner, somewhere that I had missed it, but the bike was gone.

There was a logical explanation, there had to be, I told myself. Maybe Tomohito was having it repaired for me. All I had to do was catch him before dinner and ask him, or maybe I should look for him right now, with the bike gone I had nothing better to do anyway.

Leaving the garage and the fresher air behind, I went back into the silent corridors of the house again, up to the second floor where Tomohito's room was. I knocked at the door three times but no one answered from inside and I realised how silly I had been. It was the middle of the day, a working day, Tomohito surely was at the company.

Slowly I walked down the corridor back to the stairs where I paused, considering to seek out my father's study. I hadn't gone anywhere near the room since I had returned home, nor did I feel any desire to do so now and anyhow, it was probably as empty as Tomohito's bedroom.  
Sighing I went down the stairs. The house was quiet, no sound or sight of my mother or any of the servants working here at daytime and the grey light falling into the corridors past curtains of rain only emphasised the dull and lifeless appearance of it all. I definitely needed something to do, to pass this gloomy day.

* * *

It was shortly before dinner time when I bumped into Tomohito on the way to my bedroom. Apparently he had just gotten back from work. He was still wearing his suit, carrying his briefcase under one arm while he whipped his damp hair out of his eyes.

"Oh, good evening Haruka." He stopped in his tracks when he saw me.

"Hello. Rough day?" I asked him. "No, same as always. But I forgot my umbrella, today of all days. I should get changed."

He started to walk past me as I called after him. "Wait a second Tomohito, there's something I have to ask you."

"In ten minutes dinner should be served, could it wait until then?" He asked, but I shook my head. "You know I eat in my bedroom."

He nodded. "I know, but don't you think you could stop doing that and sit at the table with your family?"

"And be treated like I don't exist? No thanks, I'll have to pass on that. If I don't come down, it's only easier for father to pretend I'm not here and troubling him, as it is for me." The harsh dry laugh, accompanying my statement earned me only a sad smile on his part.  
Tomohito put the briefcase down before he came back to me. "You're both not making things easy for me." He said as he gently took hold of my arm. "Ask away and then I really need to change out of this wet suit."

"I was looking for my motorbike this afternoon and it's not in the garage. Do you know what happened to it after the accident?"

"It has been taken to the scrapyard, what else." A deep voice behind me announced.

Spinning around had my eye to eye with my father, who for the first time, as I absently noted, was looking straight at me. He had come up the stairs while I was talking with Tomohito, being on the way to his bedroom to change as well.

"Scrapyard?!" I mouthed. "Why?"

Tomohito burst in rambling, before father had a chance to say much. "It was demolished, and you hurt yourself while riding it... it was pretty bad, so you probably don't want to drive it again..."

My father cut him short. "The thing was broken. There's no use in keeping broken stuff around."

"It can't have been beyond repair!" I protested.

"That's not the matter."

The all too familiar anger every meeting with my father seemingly provoked as of late rose again inside my chest. He knew what my bike meant to me, how much effort I had put into each screw, nut and bolt. Or at least he should, if he could be bothere to see what kind of person I was instead of what he wanted me to be.

"Give it back." I demanded.

Father fixed his cold unrelenting eyes at me. "What for, so you can drive into the next ditch again? This so-called sport is far too dangerous and I've tolerated it long enough."

"I'm an excellent driver! Normally this would never happen, and I'm not going to give it up because of one minor setback."

As my voice rose, so did his.

"This setback, as you call it nearly got you killed. I'm not watching my only child throw away her life in such a careless manner. I forbid you to continue with this dangerous sport!"

It felt like being ten years all over again. There was something I loved dearly and my father was about to take it away to spite me. As if he couldn't bear it to see other people enjoy their lives.

"You always had to forbid the things I loved, first karate, now the bike – I'm an adult now and you can't tell me to do or not do things anymore, father."

As I spat the last word out with as much malice as I could muster, I felt Tomohito placing his hand gently on my shoulder in a calming gesture. I turned around, asking for him to support my words. "You know I'm right, don't you? You saw me driving so often that you know how good I am and how much I need my bike."

When he failed to agree immediately, only chewing his lip my heart faltered already. Although he had the grace to look guilty, it did nothing to make his next words any less hurtful. "Maybe Katsuya-san is right... as talented as you undoubtedly are Haruka, you were hurt pretty badly. If you stopped driving it would be a lot safer..."

"See." I turned my head back to father who had now put on what he must have thought was a benevolent, docile look yet it was nothing but a sneer to me. "Even Tomohito advises you to give it up. Will you now finally be a good girl for once?"

They didn't understand. They had never ridden the wind, experienced the feeling of being almost able to escape physical laws, to be so close to almost flying. Maybe it could be called an addiction, but not one I was willing to give up. I needed it. To be able to stay on the ground I had to fly from time to time.

It was time to make a decision.

"That's all I ought to be for you, isn't it? A good, obedient doll to parade around like mother? I'm going to continue driving, with or without your consent. As of today I'll make my own way in lifea dn you can't stop me."

Brushing Tomohito's suddenly limp hand from my shoulder I left the two men standing in the hallway. Father's raging voice followed me.

"Come back right now Haruka! Stop acting like a spoiled brat and take on a role according to your family's responsibilty! Come back!"

"Farewell father." was all that I called back over my shoulder.

* * *

Early the next morning I got up to have a breakfast mainly consisting of strong coffee for I hadn't been able to catch much sleep last night. Tomohito had realised how serious I was about leaving and he had spent hours on the other side of my bedroom door last night, trying to reason and plead with me while I was busy packing my belongings and tuning out his voice.

It was childish to ignore him like that, but the sense of betrayal was to strong. After the proposal and everything I had thought that Tomohito had understood me. So how could he side with my father, without batting an eyelid? Didn't he see that taking my bike away from me was the same as robbing a bird of its wings. Sure it could live, but only regard the endless sky confined to its nest, endlessly miserable. In my naiveté I had assumed his love for me would grant me his unending support.

Well, it would not happen again.

Once the taxi had arrived I hauled my bags in the trunk and ordered the driver to take my to the scrapyard. The owner was an old acquaintance of mine, since I had often come to his place looking for spare parts and when he saw me arriving that day, he said he knew I was coming and led me behind his little office. He had kept my bike, scratched and broken as it had been and now it was waiting, waiting for me and waiting to be repaired.

I thanked him joyfully and, ignoring the sum it would cost, flipped out my mobile and arranged for a transport to Tokyo immediately.

Half an hour later I was sitting on the train to Tokyo myself.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics for this chapter are taken from the Jimmy Eat World song Scientific

* * *

  
_20 million miles away like something coming in.  
A tidal wave from outer space and it's so near._   
_Step out of moving up you better stay on guard._   


* * *

I looked out of the tiny window into the vast sky tinted a hue of pink, the first sings of the sun rising. Below us the clouds were drawing nearer, the plane had started its descent and soon we would land in San Mateo.

Next to me Michiru was still sleeping with her head resting on my shoulder. I took a few minutes to simply stare at her sleeping face, observing her features as they were not tensed for once.  
The last days before our trip had been stressful ones in order to prepare all necessities and as soon as the plane had lifted off, Michiru had drifted off. Now she looked relaxed and at peace. I was tempted to brush her hair aside, caress her check, but I didn't dare. The gesture skirted too closely to the fine line of friendship or more we had breeched only recently.

Neither of us had mentioned Michiru's attempt to kiss me again, instead we had thrown all our efforts into work, preparing to strike back at Kazuki and limiting our personal interaction to a minimum. It was easier to unite against a common obstacle than to look closely at what was happening in our personal lives.

Indeed, Michiru had put me on leave from my usual work and transferred me to a post as her personal advisor of some kind and had me as involved in the planning, if not more, than her own secretary Taneguchi. Still, while I had seen Michiru daily for most of my waking hours for the last ten days, we had rarely been alone. In the scarce moments we found ourselves alone, an awkward air of quiet would settle around us – Michiru would grew stiff in her movements, as if treading an invisible line between her and me, a line I was unable to cross too, held back by the nagging voice in my head chiding me for still hiding my true gender.

When I had been about to leave the office the day before, making a list of things to pack in my head already, Taneguchi had suddenly looked up from her computer screen,calling out to me.

"Tenou-san, a word with you, if you please."

With a subdued sigh I halted, turning around and waiting for the Taneguchi to come over. Taneguchi in turn remained sitting behind her desk expectantly, only giving in and heading over when I remained stoic in the doorway with on hand already placed on the handle.

Working closely with that woman had done nothing to alter my dislike for her, for she still regarded me as if trying to x-ray me with her glasses and as sweet as she was towards Michiru as snappy she was with me. Still I had to admit, if a bit grudgingly, the efficiency with which she managed her tasks was admirable. When Michiru had strode into her office declaring that KaiouKom was going to expand its business to America and that she would need a list of suitable corporations to arrange meetings and negotiations with, preferably within the next week, the secretary had not even flinched. She had simply readjusted her glasses, nodded silently and started typing on her computer right away, starting her search and composing mails.  
Michiru was fortunate to have her.

Taneguchi's heels clicked on the floor in the silent corridor and I wondered what she could want now when we had spent three hours together this very afternoon discussing the schedule she had set up for Michiru's business trip.

"Have you forgotten something? Any more documents you want me to take along?" I asked, patting the bulky briefcase which contained several packed folders with statistics on the enterprises we were to visit, background information of their respective proprietors as well as the hotel reservations, plane tickets and visas.

"No, you have received all the information Michiru-sama required already." Curt as always. "But..."

Expectantly I raised an eyebrow for Taneguchi to continue as she stopped halfway into her sentence.

"Look Tenou-san, I'll be blunt." Now that was a first for her, she was always direct but always hidden behind courtesies and I waited intently for what she was about to say.

"I don't know how you came to acquire your position, if you hold any means on Michiru-sama but you're far too new in the office to have obtained your post without fishy means. It seems fishy, no matter from what angle I look at it and yet Michiru-sama won't tell me anything except that she trusts you and your judgement."

Close up Taneguchi was scrutinizing me more than ever, almost reminding me of the way my father used to stare down his opponents and me. I fought the urge to retreat a step half a second before I straightened my back to use the slight height advantage to it's fullest. "You're implying?"

"Fine. I'm the one who should accompany Michiru-sama to America as well as several members of the board. It's unaccountable that she insists on going alone, only with you, an upstart with no experience whatsoever!"

Up till now I had never heard Taneguchi spent so many words on a single subject, but now she was really getting into it.

"Are you criticising my abilities or the decisions of Kaiou-san?" I asked her, accentuating Michiru's last name instead of the silly '-sama' Taneguchi used. She bit her tongue unwilling to put even the faintest bit of blame on her boss although it was clear she was doubting both her and me.

"I would never doubt Michiru-sama." Stubbornly she stuck to the name. "Just... watch over her."

She relented finally as a hue of pink shone on Taneguchi's cheeks. I almost laughed out loud, seeing this stern woman jealous and actually showing emotions for once, but held back. Instead I relished in the little triumph of having beaten Michiru's secretary, petty as it was.

"You don't have to tell me that. I would never let anything happen to Kaiou-san." Victory or not, those words were true to the core.

"If that was all, I'll be going now. I still need to pack my suitcase before tomorrow morning."

"I'll hold you personally responsible for any mishaps Tenou-san!" she called after me, her voice now back from anxious to her usual coldness. I shrugged it off without turning back.

* * *

A jolt passed through the plane as it made contact with the ground, Michiru stirred beside me. Sleepily she blinked a few times, taking in her surroundings before her eyes settled on my face. "Haruka-san." she sighed, almost soundless.

She was beautiful in her half-slumbering state. I smiled at her. "We've landed. The first meeting will be in two and a half hours. Did you sleep well?"

"As good as it gets on a plane, I guess." she replied as she lifted her head off my shoulder and I realised how much warmth had radiated from her.

It took a long time until the luggage from our plane had been unloaded and our suitcases emerged on the conveyor belt. I had dragged them down and put them onto a trolley, then we headed through the pass-control. Thanks to Taneguchi's organisation we passed without delay and outside the ordered hired car was waiting for us.

"You're drifting again!" Michiru squeaked for what was probably the forth or fifth time since we had left the parking lot. Gripping the wheel just a little harder, I reeled the car back into the middle of the track with a little sigh. Driving on the wrong side of the road felt so utterly strange, my body wanted to correct the perceived error on its own.

"I'm still getting used to this, Kaiou-san."

"Are you sure I should not hire a chauffeur?" Her question was a sting to my pride. Since I had gotten my licence, never once did I have my father's chauffeur drive me around. This would not be changing now, left-hand traffic be damned!

"Absolutely sure." I pressed out between clenched teeth while trying to stop myself from steering towards the left side of the road again. Michiru laughed in response.

When we had, finally, reached the hotel safely there was little more than an hour left before the first meeting took place. Just enough time for us to change out of the rumpled clothes, eat a bite and rereading Taneguchi's notes on the company and their representatives.

"The first one should be an easy deal." Michiru said, flipping a page. "Company founded only a few years ago, young 'dynamic' board, in fact they're around our own age... a group of college friends apparently who stuck together after graduation to found a business."

"'Spleen' you mean? I didn't think too much of them, they mostly do software and we have plenty of programmers in Japan." I was already studying the files of Michiru's afternoon meeting, a CPU manufacture, which I deemed more important than a little software selling company. Michiru however had taken a likening to Spleen. "Some of their programmes are really good, in fact all their stuff looks decent to say the least. If I want KaiouKom to take foot in America, we need to Americanise our products, cutesy little Japanese applications and designs will only get us a place on the niche market."

There was no arguing in that point.

Downstairs in one of the hotel's conference rooms 'Spleen' were already waiting for us. We had expected four persons, but only three were present. They introduced themselves as Richard, Myra and Gregory and apologised for their missing fourth member, a man named Luke who had fallen ill today. As soon as everybody was seated and adequately supplied with coffee or tea, the negotiations started. I left the talking to Michiru, while I studied our soon-to-be partners.

As we had read in the files, they were the same age as us, a year or two older perhaps, a lot laxer than Japanese business people, a lot more American.

There was no better word to describe them, they were dressed rather casual, all wearing jeans, Myra combining it with a sleeveless blouse, and the men wore shirts with no ties, and their jackets they had hung over the backs of their chairs. If I had been a real man I probably would have felt overdressed and out of place in my suit and straight back but I already felt out of place whenever I posed as a man. The suit was my only armour, comforting rather than stifling.

Richard was the spokesperson and as far I could see he did a good job in presenting his company to Michiru, who smiled pleased at his words as he described the bureaus of Spleen, their biggest successes so far and his plans concerning a cooperation with KaiouKom. He gestured excessively when talking, caught up in his words, which, if I read Michiru's face correctly, she found likeable. As did I.  
Contrary to Gregory, who sported a full beard, Richard was cleanly shaven. His eyes were bright and energetic while his black-rimmed glasses added a tone of seriousness to his appearance.

When their dealings became more specific, he handed the word over to Myra, the, according to Richard, head of their programmers and creative mother of the majority of Spleen's products, while Luke was their father. The other two laughed at the joke, and Michiru and I joined in politely, although I had the feeling it was kind of an insider that we didn't not completely get.

Myra looked like the typical American woman from a commercial with her slightly curled shoulder-length blond hair, the rad of make-up on her open face and glittery painted nails. At first I wondered if she were really as good as Richard claimed or more of a pretty face supporting Luke, but my doubts were swiftly brushed aside. Myra, I noticed started out a little nervous, twirling pen in her hand as she started talking, but once Michiru had interrupted her with one or two genuinely interested questions of her own, she became more confident, showing her expertise. On plus she had a beautiful voice, which made even the harsh American English pleasant to my ears.

Yet, her voice was nowhere near as compelling as Michiru's I thought sternly, as if listening so rapt to Myra was a betrayal on my boss.

Lastly my attention turned to Gregory, who appeared to be mirroring my role, watching Michiru closely as she talked to Richard and Myra. In turn, I used his attention on Michiru to have a closer look at this quiet member of Spleen.  
He was handsome with his brown hair and eyes, tanned and lean but muscular, from what his shirt revealed. Only his steel rimmed glasses didn't quite match with the rest of his getup, as if he was trying on purpose to not look like a nice guy. As I watched him watching Michiru, I could have sworn to see a glint lightning up in his eyes and with an emotion strangely resembling jealousy I hoped for his interest in her to be solely professional.

When we parted on friendly terms, with the assurance of meeting again before going back to Japan to sign the contracts with Spleen, Michiru shook hands with each of them and to my relief the glint in Gregory's eye did not return.

"What do you think of them?" Michiru asked me, as soon as we were in the privacy of the rental car, driving towards the inner city.

"They seemed nice enough, for Americans."

Michiru sighed irritatedly. "It's not the time for stupid jokes Haruka-san. I can only study people so much while I have to say coherent intelligent sentences, I can't keep a watch on all people, because I have to look my opponent in the eye. You are at leisure to observe them all, recognise signs in their body language and that is why I have asked you too come with me. I can trust you and as you have proven to me, your abilities at reading people are quite good. So tell me what you think about them."  
Hearing her state her trust in me, made me incredibly happy, more so than her praise of my abilities; it didn't matter that my shoulders were still stiff from the long flight or that another coffee was badly needed if I did not plan on falling asleep during the afternoon meeting.

"They were polite and most notably not stuck up and all three of them were listening with interest to what you proposed. I think they see it as much as a chance for their company as we do."

For a moment I diverted my eyes from the road to regard Michiru and see whether she shared my opinion but her face was only pensive. "That was my impression too, plus what Myra showed me really piqued my interest; the woman is a magician with software. The deals should be closed three days from now." Michiru turned to look out of the window and took a deep breath. "This was only the first one..." I heard her murmur.

The success of her stay here in America was mandatory for Michiru, to prove it to Kazuki and, more importantly, to herself that she knew what to do, how to run her business. Once again I glanced at her anxious frame, wishing nothing more than to embrace her to elevate some of her concerns, but now was not the time. Instead I pulled over, fetching to steaming cups of coffee at the seemingly omnipresent Starbucks, before we continued our drive into the headquarters of _'Dreamline'._

Although we were five minutes early, when we entered the large atrium a young clerk with a smile as crisp as his grey suit hurried up to us.

"Miss Kaiou?" he asked, to be sure, though I thought it rather unlikely that many other Japanese should just show up in their sanctuary for the fun of it. Michiru nodded.

"Pleased to meet you, my name is James Clarke and I sent to bring you upstairs to the conference rooms to Mr. Coleman and the board. Please follow me. If you have any questions do not hesitate to ask."

"Thank you for your efforts Mr Clarke."

Michiru said, which launched him into a hymn of praise over the glorious company he was allowed to work for as we followed him through the entire width of the atrium, past a small fountain to where the elevators were located. "Call it a hunch, but I think Dreamline wants to show off its profits." I whispered to Michiru in Japanese to not attract Clarke's attention, although he did not even seem listen in. My boss cocked an eyebrow as if to say 'oh really?' but smiled at me.

Clarke's incessant talk stayed with us all through the elevator ride and only ceased when he reached his goal, a broad double door in a row of other broad double doors.. He went quiet and rapped three times against the hard wood.

"Come in!" a deep voice barked from the other side.

Clarke pushed down the handle, and ushered Michiru in with a flourish. "Michiru Kaiou, daughter of the founder and current president of KaiouKom." he announced as if playing the herald in a court where his boss Coleman was the resident king. If he would have rushed through her résumé as well I would not have been surprised, but instead he introduced me, in a more level-headed tone. "And her personal assistant, Haruka Tenou," before backing out into the corridor again.

Mr. Coleman, who had risen at our entrance, strode past the executive chair, doubling as his throne and his board of courtiers and gripped Michiru's delicate hand with his larger fleshy ones. The way he bent down made me think he was going to kiss her hand, the very idea of it disgusting me and the placid smile, the conference-smile as I had dubbed it when I had adopted it in the office, slipped for a moment when I glared intently at the scene. Luckily all Coleman did, was attempting a butchered bow accompanied by a horrible accented 'Konnichiwa'. He was trying, I thought, he is interested in the deal the same way we are.

The peril passed, all polite expressions were fixed in place again as we took our places around the table. Coleman wasted no time by introducing the board members to us, the way he carried himself I began to understand why Clarke had invoked the image of a king holding court, Coleman oozed his superiority in every word as he showed picture after picture of Dreamline's latest technical achievements on the beamer.

I did not pay much attention to his speech, up till now there had been nothing we had not already catalogued neatly in a map thanks to Taneguchi. She had not risen to the post of Michiru's secretary for naught, her personality might be as cool as a freezer but her efficiency was highly admirable. So instead of listening to Coleman emphasizing how much money Dreamline and KaiouKom could make if they bonded, my attention was set on my actual task, studying not his words, but his person and body language.

Contrary to Richard and his friends, everyone at Dreamline was wearing a suit, complete with tie and jacket. However all of the men around the table, there was not a single woman on the board I noticed only now, appeared to pale in significance compared to Coleman himself, they nodded to his every word, spoke only when asked to and their features where stony masks only creaking into an expression when their boss demanded it. Except for the colour of their ties they were probably interchangeable and they were very aware of the fact. My gaze swept over the board members once before focussing my attention on their master.

Coleman was best described as being in the prime of his years, according to Taneguchi's notes he was aged forty-one, but he looked as if he could be anything from his early thirties to his late forties. Like most other Californians we had met so far, he sported the typical tan, which complimented his chestnut coloured hair nicely. If Coleman started to get a bit rounder, like most men his age, it did not show under his his jacket yet, or he found enough time to play golf and tennis as files said. I read the Taneguchi's information about him again, hidden in between the pages of the conference notes as my eyes caught up on the word 'scar'. I read the paragraph again. Coleman, it said had seven centimetres long scar on his left wrist, an injury sustained while climbing, a sport he had never taken up again, over ten years ago. Carefully, but not to obviously, I watched his wrist, and really there it was, a line of white on the tan skin, flashing up between his watch and shirtsleeve as he moved his arms around. I was impressed.

Would Taneguchi be able to name me his lovers from the past ten years too? Probably, but she would not deem it tactful or necessary to include this information.

"This was only a brief compendium of what we do here at Dreamline with a focus on the most important matters. This is the last screen, so my part here has come to an end, unless there are any question left unanswered on your part Miss Kaiou." He smiled benignly at her, proceeding when she declined her head. "Then, if you please Miss Kaiou, the front is all yours. What is KaiouKom interested in and what does it have to offer for us?"

Michiru rose from her chair and moved to the front of the room in one graceful motion, more gliding than actually walking. "Thank you Mr. Coleman for your presentation, so far I can say that my associate and I are very pleased by what has been shown and KaiouKom would be happy to cooperate with such a strong partner on the U.S.-market. As all of you gentlemen surely have read in the briefing KaiouKom specialises in..."

The board members listened to Michiru with polite interest, not so Coleman and the man right next to him. He had not been introduced yet, but the way he whispered with Coleman suggested him to be either his secretary or his favourite on the board. Being to far away to understand a word they said, all I could to was observe them. Coleman slid a few papers to Green-tie, which vanished in his folder so quickly, hardly anybody on the table had noticed. More whispering between the two followed, from the look of it Coleman handing out instructions to his underling, who nodded dutifully.

_'Damn, I have to know what they're talking about.'_

If Coleman and Green-tie's whispering was worrying me already, the way he watched Michiru after he had finished instructing his subordinate made me even more uneasy. Not once did his eyes raise to the screen behind Michiru and I strongly doubted he was paying much attention to her talk either, instead his eyes travelled up and down her body, seizing her up with a predatory gleam in his eyes. In the half-light of the conference room Coleman had something almost wolfish about him, a hunter assessing his prey.

No. I shook my head, attempting to banish these thoughts from my mind. Michiru was a beautiful woman, she often got looks I knew. Hell, I had gotten them myself sometimes when my father had paraded me around at his company dinners.  
So why did it make my insides burn with jealousy every time I saw Michiru getting the attention, first Gregory this morning, now Coleman and back home in Japan there had been Kazuki. I didn't understand why I was feeling so protective of her. I certainly couldn't care less about Taneguchi's demand to take care of Michiru, and moreover, what right did I have to be so protective of her? Michiru was a grown woman, perfectly able to look after herself and not some sort of property.

_'Get a grip Haruka, you're her assistant not her bodyguard.'_

Still, I didn't like Coleman's look one bit.

After Michiru's presentation the meeting continued, concrete negotiations now being the topic.

How many different models of pagers and mobile phones did KaiouKom want to launch, would KaiouKom provide its operating system to be used for other Dreamline products too, or would we want to buy another software altogether, maybe even from a business rival Dreamline did not approve? The list went on and on.

Getting this contract would not be so easy as we might have hoped I realised. While Dreamline might profit greatly from getting a foot in on the Japanese market through KaiouKom, it was big enough of a player on the American market to pass up our deal, if it would not be to its liking. KaiouKom on the other hand would have difficulties to establish itself without a large partner settled securely on the American market.

The door to conference room opened quietly to let Green-tie slip in and I suddenly noticed that he had been absent since the short break following Michiru's presentation. He whispered something into Coleman's ear, who smiled satisfied. I was about to turn my attention back onto a man with a hideous mauve coloured tie who demanded KaiouKom increased the offer of shared licenses, when I noticed that the folder in front of Green-tie was gone. There was no briefcase around and it was nowhere to be seen on the table. What was the content of these papers that they had to be sneaked out of the room, I wondered. It was suspicious to say the least. Immediately I looked over to Michiru, but she was still caught up in conversation with one of Coleman's lackeys, so I had to keep the observation to myself for the moment.

"Here, give them to me." I said to Michiru, taking her notes from her hands to stow them away when the meeting had finally come to an end and everybody was packing up and filing out of the double doors. Michiru nodded gratefully. A soft sigh left her lips as she pushed herself from her chair. "I thought this would go on for another hour." she said quietly.

"You were wonderful." I told her. To my delight her face lit up, even though she asked, "Do you really think so or should I have made more concessions?"

But I did not get to reply, as that very moment Coleman, who had not exited but come up behind her back, called out to Michiru.  
"Miss Kaiou, you are a much tougher negotiator than your beautiful face lets on." He bellowed out a laugh. "I like that in a woman. What would you say if we discussed the details of the contract over dinner? Does tomorrow night sound good to you?"

Even before Michiru could turn her head fully, I was standing right next to her and only having my hands full with papers and a briefcase prevented me from resting a hand on her shoulder possessively. The corners of Michiru's mouth twitched, trying to suppress a grin as she noticed what I was doing. With a smile she turned to face me, asking sweetly, "Are we free tomorrow evening Tenou-san?"

I knew we were, but for effect I nevertheless flipped got out the calender, flipping it open as if to check. "Yes we are." I told her.

"Brilliant!" Coleman did not wait for her answer, he took Michiru's hand straightaway. I glared at him, as politely as I could, which didn't matter as Coleman ignored me anyway.

"I know the perfect restaurant to show to you. Just tell me where you're staying and I'll have my chauffeur pick you up."

"Don't trouble yourself, we have rented a car and Tenou-san is an excellent driver." Michiru replied, still polite but with distinctly cool undertone, which did seem not faze Coleman at all. "I was thinking about you and me talking the real big business, that's nothing of interest for your secretary. Give him the evening off," he said.

"As her assistant I'd be happy to bring Miss Kaiou, just send the address of the restaurant." I interjected, tired of his presence. Michiru pulled her hand away and with a last squeeze he let go. "I'll see you tomorrow at eight Miss Kaiou." he said before he left at last.

* * *

When I knocked at Michiru's door to go down to dinner with her, she opened clad in a bathrobe and a towel around her head.  
"Sorry to disturb you. Should I come back later, when you're ready for dinner?" I asked.

"No, no it's okay. Come in." She waved my apology aside.

I followed her in and sat down on her bed. Instead of heading back into the bathroom Michiru sat down next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. She sighed heavily.

"Are you okay?" I asked concerned

"Yes, I just feel so tired. The caffeine must be wearing off and the jet-lag starts to kick in." Another sigh. "And truth to be told, that Dreamline meeting was more wearisome than I expected."

Torn between acting like the assistant I was paid to be and the friend I wanted to be, I hesitantly put an arm around her, to hold her close. As if the comforting gesture could give her a bit of strength back. For a moment I wondered if she would allow Taneguchi to see her like this if she had come in my place.

"You still need to have dinner, tomorrow isn't going to be less taxing. Would you like me to call the room service and eat up here?" I suggested. Michiru thankfully nuzzled her head into my shoulder. "Thank you Haruka, that would be nice."

* * *

Although we had gone to bed early, a long night's sleep did not cure the aftermath of the jet-lag completely, not with the unsolved problem of those mysterious papers Green-tie had carried out. Last night when I told Michiru over dinner about my observations concerning the disappeared folder, she was just a puzzled about the content or the meaning behind it as I. Neither of us had been awake and sharp enough to come up with decent answer and we had concluded the evening by pushing it aside for a peaceful rest, still it was the first thing on my mind upon waking.

As Michiru had said, espionage would be the most self-evident answer to what Coleman was doing, but the question was how? Taneguchi and I had set up all the info-material which was to be sent before our visit, ourselves and I knew for sure that no sensitive informations had been included. If we had anything worth stealing with us, it was packed on Michiru's laptop, which nobody was allowed to lay hands on.

"Are you sure there was something fishy going on yesterday Haruka?" Michiru asked me over coffee. We had ordered room service once again, preparing for today's meetings during breakfast. "Coleman surely has more issues to deal with than us, maybe he sent Green-tie away with instructions on some other pressing business."

With a smirk I noted how Michiru had picked up my nickname for Coleman's subordinate. "I'm with you on the instruction part, because there is no other explanation but I'm pretty sure it's not unconnected to KaiouKom. I watched him the entire time, he wasn't listening to a word had to say, he wasn't even trying." My jaw clenched on its won volition when I remembered the hungry looks he had shot Michiru. "And the same goes for the negotiations afterwards. Have you noticed how he deliberately took a back-seat there and let his board do the talking? If anything he was amused, as if it was a show for his personal entertainment, the results not his to concern with."

Michiru drank her coffee deliberately slow, thinking through my words, assessing how much truth they could possibly hold.

"I have asked you to come along specifically to give your opinions on prospective partners and you had more time to watch Coleman than I did. However, so far there's nothing we can do, we can't accuse him on the grounds of mere speculation."

Grudgingly I had to admit she was right but I did not like it, the whole thing was gnawing at my mind.

"I wish you would not go to dine with him tonight Michiru." For more reasons than one and not the least of them being the lingering jealousy which had been smouldering inside me since yesterday. She responded by placing a gentle hand on my arm.  
"Do not worry. If he's intent on acquiring any sensitive informations about KaiouKom he'll be disappointed, the laptop will remain in the safe here and my lips will be sealed. And for the rest, I think I can handle myself."  
Michiru said it all in a light-hearted, as if it was nothing at all. When her eyes met my worried gaze however, she grew solemn. "I wish I could not go Haruka, or that you could come along at least, but there was no way to refuse without offending him. He is not Kazuki, I'll be fine."

It was the first time Michiru alluded to that night. I held her eyes for a moment before nodding. The woman I had come to know would not make the same mistake twice.

"Whatever the cause, if anything comes up, call me," I told her. In response she gave me a grateful smile, before she picked up her laptop case and her bag.

"Let's go, we've got meetings to attend."

I flung my jacket over the shoulder, following her out to the car.

* * *

The meetings of that day were more or less a repeat of the day before, a lot of handshakes, empty pleasantries and even more coffees. In the afternoon I switched from drinking coffee to water when I was becoming almost too jittery to stay in my chair without shuffling. The smaller enterprises had an atmosphere alike to Spleen, Dreamline's biggest rival was not different from Dreamline at all. If not for the different logo on the doors and walls, the difference might have gone unnoticed.  
When I fetched the car from the parking lot after the last meeting we had two hours left to get back to the hotel and for Michiru to get ready.

By now I had become adapted to the right-hand traffic, Michiru didn't once shriek in panic that I was drifting to the wrong side, although I wasn't sure if she would have noticed. When I looked to her at a stoplight, her head was resting against the window eyes gazing into nothingness. For a moment I deliberated reaching out, taking her hand but it seemed inappropriate, so I left her to her thoughts.

Michiru showered while I went downstairs to fetch her dress for the evening from the cleaner. She emerged from the bathroom, clad in a plushy robe, a towel slung around her wet hair, as I laid the dress out on the bed and put her matching heels at the foot of the bed.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you Michiru-san?" I asked her once more. We've been over it already, but my mind still wasn't at rest just as I couldn't forget Coleman's wolfish looks. "I mean, after I drove you I could go sit at the bar, behind a pillar or something or disguise myself so you would only have to shout for me if anything were to happen."

Michiru had been drying her hair, but now she flung the towel on the carpet, fixing me with the most piercing stare she'd ever given me. "Just because you've seen me loose my control once, does not mean this will become a repeated occurrence! I've trusted your judgement, but if you can't even judge my own abilities I'm beginning to think I've made a mistake," she spat out. The only time I've seen her angrier had been the night at Kazuki at the bar. "You're not my babysitter Tenou-san! I'm more than capable to take care of myself!"

Chastised I lowered my head, mumbling an apology to her heels. Her words echoed in my head, I had thrown similar ones at Tomohito. My hands clenched to fists. Michiru was right, I should have known better, no matter whether she knew my back-story or not; out of all people I would know how suffocating even the most well-meant protection could be.

"I'll have the car ready in thirty minutes," I told and she nodded curtly, turning her back to me and picking up her black dress. Downstairs in the lobby I killed the time with another cup of coffee until it was time to drive her. The atmosphere in the car was cool, Michiru was still annoyed at me and the prospect of dining with Coleman did nothing to better her mood. We remained silent throughout the drive, only the GPS broke the silence every other minute to give directions.

"Come back in two and a half hours, I don't intend on staying any longer than necessary," she instructed me dully, then she checked her appearance one more time in the mirror putting her pleasant business-smile firmly onto her face.

For a moment I lingered, letting the car rest in park, watching her go in. Behind the glass doors I could already make out Coleman, making his way toward Michiru to greet her. Seeing him in person soured my already gloomy mood and I drove off with a start.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea about the computers later in this chapter is taken from Stieg Larson's Millenium books. I sadly don't know the first thing about computers and I didn't want to make up something absolutely ridiculous.
> 
> Lyrics are taken from Mumford & Sons' "Roll away your stone"

* * *

  


  
_Roll away your stone, I'll roll away mine_   
_Together we can see what we will find_   
_Don't leave me alone at this time,_   
_For I am afraid of what I will discover inside_   


* * *

The morning after had been almost as quiet as the night before. Michiru had not spoken much when I had come to pick her up, though I noted with satisfaction that Coleman was not standing beside her as she waited for me. All she had said in regards to their dinner was that he was a boast.  
This morning all we talked about were the meetings we had to attend, going over one or to details in the contracts that were up for signing.

"I don't understand it," Michiru said, shaking her head in confusion after we had left the building. "Back in Japan when we had talked on the phone they sounded very interested in a cooperation. Why did they change their minds?"

To that I could only shrug. The meeting had been rather short and inconclusive, consisting of us being told, in the most courteous words they could find, that a contract with KaiouKom was no longer an attractive option without giving any reason alluding to why.

When we reached our car in the parking lot I held the door open for her. "Let's just hope the next meeting will go smoothly. We can cope with one contract less." I tried to keep up an optimistic view on things. Michiru nodded absent-mindedly, she knew it was true, but understandably it still bothered her, after the first dealings had went so well. She shook her head vigorously,as if to clear it, then typed the next address in the navigation system.

But the next meeting didn't go smoothly at all. In the lobby we were greeted by the manager, his assistant and two other executives who suggested we all go out to lunch. They led us to a gourmet sushi restaurant a block ahead, probably as a nice gesture to us, yet it did not taste very well, at least not compared to real Japanese kitchen. And then, after the polite small talk and the meal had been done, the manager explained to Michiru just how sorry he was to cancel the meeting, but in the current situation he saw no other way.

"I am sorry if your company is not doing well at the moment, but surely we can work around that, find a solution to benefit both our parties." Michiru offered.

"I'm afraid I can't think of any." He tried to evade, but Michiru pressed on, determined not to suffer another setback today. "Maybe I can." she said in her sweetest voice. "Please, tell me what concerns keep you from entering negotiations with KaiouKom?"

Our four hosts all shifted uncomfortably in their seats, then, at last, one of the executives began to speak. "You see Miss Kaiou, there are multiple factors to consider, tax issues, the local market and so on. After a close examination we came to the conclusion to focus on our local business and not take the step of expanding right now."

"You're evading the question." I stated bluntly. The four heads, formerly focused on Michiru, turned to me and none of them managed to completely hide the irritation on their faces. The assistant decided to help out his colleague and probably impress his boss, as I thought.

"Mr. Tenou, was it? We are not evading anything here. As my colleague said, we have decided to keep our dealings within America for the near future and cooperate with other companies here if necessary, to strengthen the market. The deal with Dreamline is -"

"That is enough." His superior interrupted with a glare, then turned to us again. "Miss Kaiou surely understands our decision as a business-woman and will accept it."

At the mention of Dreamline my alarm bells had shrilled immediately, a quick look exchanged with Michiru told me she felt the same way. She rose gracefully from the table, her voice an icy courteous.

"I understand perfectly well. We will leave you then. I am sorry to have taken up your precious time."

Without another word, she left with me in tow, though I took a second to savour their rather uncomfortable faces before exiting.

We returned to our hotel, earlier than planned. While in the car Michiru had phoned her other two appointments asking if they were still interested or if she should have the meetings cancelled in advance. As it turned out, both meetings were dropped.

Back in Michiru's room, once we had settled down on a pair of armchairs at the small table by the window, we thought the same thing.

"So Dreamline..." I said. Michiru nodded. "Yes, seems suspicious, doesn't it? Just two day after we were at their headquarters, potential partners back out and the name of Dreamline pops up in an excuse..."

I had picked up a pen, tapping it on the table, thinking. "You said you handed them nothing substantial yet."

"No, of course not. Not before anything was signed." Michiru was also thinking hard obviously, she bit her knuckle.

"Could you have mentioned something over dinner that he could have put to use?" The question passed my lips hesitantly, I didn't want to have her thinking once again I was doubting her abilities, but Michiru shook her head without taking offence. Gone was the strain that had lingered about us yesterday. With a sigh I brushed a hand through my hair. "Then what happened?"

"If it was 'espionage', and it's likely to assume, the only instance would have been when the laptop was hooked up with the beamer..." She looked up at me, doubtful. "Would that be possible Haruka?"

"If there was something interposed, I'd say yes."

With a heavy sigh Michiru got up, and began pacing the room. "The more I think about it, the more likely it seems."

"It would've been the only real possibility," I agreed with her.

"But we have no proof." Michiru uttered the words we both didn't want to hear. She plopped down on her bed, sunken as if the wind had been knocked out of her, clenching her fists. There had to be a solution to this problem.

"We can't let Coleman get away like this! We need a proof," I said slowly. "And I've got a vague idea how we might be getting one..."

She picked up after the fifth ring. "Hello, Myra Olsten speaking?"

"Hello, this is Tenou Haruka, Michiru Kaiou's assistant, we were introduced two days ago at the meeting. I am sorry to be calling you out of the blue, but we have a little problem at our hands here and I had hoped you could help us out."

"I don't know..." she sounded hesitant, understandably so, as I called her out of the blue. "What kind of problem?" She asked wary. At least she wasn't hanging up on me right away.

"It's a bit delicate, something I'd rather not discuss on the phone. Would you mind meeting up for drinks, when you get off?" I glanced down at my watch, estimating how much longer she would probably be in her office. "How about in an hour or two? You would do me a tremendous favour if you were to come and listen at least."

There was silence on the other end of the line, then finally "There's a nice bar two blocks away from the office, I guess we could meet there. I'll be done here in an hour, at least I hope I'll be," she laughed, a short bark-like sound. "then we'll see what I can do for you Mr. Tenou."

It was as good as I could hope for at the moment.

Shortly before six I arrived at the address Myra had given me. Michiru had wanted to come along, when I told her about meeting up with Myra, but I had pleaded with her to let me go on my own. The more unofficial looking this meeting was, the better.  
Half hoping to see Myra sitting at a table already, I entered the bar, looking around for the familiar face in vain. I slid on a barstool near the door and ordered a cup of coffee, one more of the many I had had that day.

Ten minutes later, which had felt much longer on my part, she pushed the door open, waving when she saw me sitting at the bar.

"I'm sorry I'm late. Have you been waiting for long already?" I shook my head and she slid on the stool next to me, ordered a tonic water and fixated me with a curious look on her face. "Your cryptic allusions have piqued my interest Mr. Tenou. Mind shedding some light on them now that I'm here?"

I had spend the wait pondering how I should start the conversation with Myra. If I wanted her to help me, it seemed vital that I kept her curiosity alive a bit longer. Since she had been intrigued enough to meet up with me after a phone call, feeding her curiosity a bit more was not the worst way to draw her onto my case I figured.

"First I would like to ask you a question. Being in the business you're surely familiar with the name Dreamline," Myra nodded. "but what do you know about them?"

She swiveld her glass, probably wondering where I was going with my question. "Dreamline's a big name, a respectable corporation, long-established at that. In the last years they were a bit in the reds from what I heard, although you probably know all that already."

"Yes, I know." Screw dancing around the bush, "And since we both know this, I'll be blunt: Do you deem it possible that officials at Dreamline would engage in data theft?"

"Are you serious?" she exclaimed, and, when other customers looked up at her sudden outburst, lowered her voice again. "You are, that's the reason you've called, isn't it? But do you have any proof?"

I shook my head, wishing I had solid ground for my accusations. "No proof, not yet at least, only strong suspicions."

I emptied my coffee and began to tell Myra of the odd number of coincidences which had happened since Michiru's meeting at Dreamline two days ago. After I concluded the tale Myra was silent. Her measuring gaze lasted on me, as she was processing the informations given to her. Finally, she sighed. "I admit your fears appear to be the logical conclusion, but you still haven't told me, for what you need me in all this."

I swallowed. This was the crucial moment of the talk, further proceedings all hinged on Myra's next reply.  
Drawing a deep breath I started to speak. "I was hoping you could help my uncover the truth, by hacking into Dreamline's intranet and track down proof that they stole our data. I know it's a huge favour to ask, not to mention illegal, but of all the people I've met in America so far you're the only one capable enough to do it."

It was a mixture of truth and compliments. Myra frowned, thinking hard.

"How long are you staying in town?" she asked.

Hope lightened up inside me. "Until the end of the week."

"Alright, I'll see what I can do but before I can promise you anything I have to talk this through with Gregory and the others. Come by my place tomorrow after work and we'll talk again."

She scribbled the address down on a napkin, shaking hands before we parted.

When I retold the conversation with Myra to Michiru her face lit up with hope for the first time that day.  
"That's great news!" she exclaimed.

As much as I wanted to agree with her, it was better to keep our hopes low. Getting eager ahead of time only led to disappointments, I had learned that lesson from my father.  
"She didn't say yes yet. We're asking an awful lot from her and her friends, it's illegal and our suspicions still might be false. All she promised was that she would talk about the possibilities with her partners," I cautioned Michiru.  
"But still! This is more than we could have hoped for." Michiru grabbed both of my hands with hers, squeezing them tightly. "I can't thank you enough Haruka."

From breakfast onwards the day was a chain of recurring setbacks. The last round of meetings all followed the same pattern as yesterday, two sat through the meetings, listening politely to Michiru's offers before declining in an evasive way, the other three cited changes in their plans or a flimsy excuse to call off the appointments, until we had crossed out all the companies on Taneguchi's list.  
Michiru kept a small pleasant smile on her face to the end while my features grew more dire. If it hadn't been even more harmful to our already bad position I would've taken the pleasure in ripping their false courtesies to pieces. Instead I stood behind Michiru like a shadow, observing, keeping my mask unmovable as best as I could and admired her. I couldn't help but compare her to my father and the way he had interacted with partners and clients, as far as I had witnessed. Michiru didn't rely on making them cower before her, but she was by no means weak, everybody who judged her a weak woman, easy to cheat was soon to learn the mistake they made. Even Coleman, I would see to that.  
When it was half past five I got ready to leave, said goodbye to Michiru, before heading out. She placed a hand on my arm for a moment and said "I trust you."

My car pulled up at the same time as a bright blue Ford came from the other direction. Myra was sitting behind the wheel and when she recognized me she waved immediately. I waved back, and waited until she had parked in the driveway.

"Hey, you're perfect on time!" She approached me with wide strides, took my hand and shook it excitedly. "Come in, Gregory's already home today, he's looking forward to meet you again, too."

It was a bit strange but in that moment, clasping Myra's hand in my own, infected by her vibrant manner, it occurred to me that Myra wasn't looking at the man I was playing, the secretary or the dutiful daughter I had refused to be, she and her friends were trying to help the person Tenou Haruka, for no other reason than our mutual dislike of Dreamline and liking me. It refreshing to feel a bit less of a liar.

"We're back!" Myra cried into the empty hall, letting me in. Upon her cry Gregory emerged from a door on the far right side. He kissed his girlfriend and shook hands with me. "Nice to see you again." His grip was warm and firm.

"Same. Thank you for having me over." I answered politely.

Following Myra's example I hung my jacket on the coat rack. The woman had already vanished through the nearest door to the right, the kitchen going by the fridge visible trough the doorway.

"I'm making sandwiches," she called back. "Is there anything you don't like on there Tenou?"

"No, thanks. Whatever you'll make is fine with me." I called back.

Gregory handed me a pair of slippers, then beckoned me to follow him back through the door he had come from, their workroom. From the looks of it. The far wall beneath the windows was occupied by an L-shaped desk, also taking up half the left wall of the room with five large monitors sitting on it. The computers to accompany them were stowed away under the table, where I could see the power-switches blinking. Almost all the rest of the space on the table, apart from the keyboards, was occupied by harddrives,headsets, speakers and other gadgets and the cables connecting them all with various ports.

"A playroom for big kids" Gregory winked, following my gaze around the room. "And that's my latest toy." He pointed at pointed right next to my feet where a another computer was lying, its shell open, fan and radiator removed to give access to the boards. I gave an approving nods, it looked like a high-class model to me, even if programming was more up my alley than hardware.

"So, Myra said you suspect Dreamline's nicked some data of yours." Gregory turned to me, getting serious.

"Yes, we assume they intercepted the connection from our laptop to their beamer when we held a presentation in their office. It would be possible, wouldn't it?"

Gregory nodded and I continued. "Do you think you could help me prove the theft?"

The door swung open, softly kicked by Myra who entered bearing a tray with the promised sandwiches and soft drinks. "Now we can get started." she said, placing the tray next to the monitors.

Gregory motioned for me to take a sandwich before he and Myra helped themselves to one as well. I took a bite of ham and tomatoes, chewing while I waited for them to fill me in on their plans. When both also remained silent,eating their sandwiches I swallowed, deciding to press the matter a bit more.  
"Do you have any concrete plans on what we can do yet?"

"Besides trying to hack straight into their system you mean? No Tenou, sorry to say we don't."

I nodded, taking another bite, washing it down with soda as Myra offered me a glass. Hacking into Dreamline's network would be illegal, I could hardly ask that of two strangers, not when I couldn't say for sure I would be able to ask this kind of favour from someone like Asami or Tomohito, yet I still hoped he they would offer to do exactly that.  
"We're going to try; try if we can at least look in without getting caught, but that's all I can promise you."

"Thank you. That's more than I could've asked for."

"Right, then let's see." Gregory shoved the last part of his sandwich into his mouth and settled in front of one of the computers and Myra put the rest of her food aside as she took the place next to him. A small feeling of uselessness crept up on me as I stood in the middle of the room without a task of my own to do, though it didn't last long. Myra turned around again ad noticed me standing idly aside. "Fetch a chair for yourself and come over Tenou, you have to tell us what it is exactly, that we're looking for."  
I complied, seating myself in between the two of them, watching anxiously as they tried to find a virtual way into Dreamline's domain.

The shadows grew larger as the sun sunk behind the trees in the garden outside, but nobody made a move to turn on the lights. In the blue light emanating from the screen even Gregory's and Myra's tanned skin looked pale, they're fingers flew busily over the keyboards while I watched intently. Finally Gregory slammed both hands on the desk in exasperation. "Dreamline's firewall is top-notch," he sadly shook his head. "Without brute force there seems to be no way, staying undetected is out of the question like that."

"Not one of my software can break through their security system?" Myra asked unbelieving, she looked as if Gregory's word had hurt her pride even though from what I had seen over her shoulder she had come to the same conclusion. Her partner shook his head again. "Not without setting of alarms, I've simulated a test-drive. We might as well wave a flag at them and shouting 'Here we come"' ."

My heart sank. In my mind I pictured Michiru's face, the disgusted look she had sported returning from dinner with Coleman, the resigned gaze she had this morning when we left to what we knew would most likely be another futile meeting and I couldn't bear it. If the trip turned into a failure Kazuki would never let Michiru hear the end of it; even imagining it left a sour taste in my mouth.

"But we must do something, we can't let Dreamline stomp all over us. There must be something we can do! Please!" I pleaded, full knowing how unreasonable I was being, but my common sense was overruled by my wish to help Michiru. She would show Kazuki how able a woman she was, we we show them.

Myra patted my arm sympathetically, then left without a word to clear away the now empty plates. Gregory was still gazing at his screen in silence.  
My eyes searched the room, the pieces of electronic, the books on the shelf as if any of them would wondrously spit out a solution. Of course no such thing happened. I looked over to Gregory, who still said nothing, only scratching his chin while staring intently on the screen before him. All there was, were a list of programs in one window and a few lines of code in the editor. His eyes seemed to look right through the lines he had typed. "Maybe..." he drawled.

I perked up. "Maybe what?"

He averted his eyes from the screen, looking a little disorientated at me as if he had forgotten I was still in the room. "Just thinking aloud," he said. "It's a ridiculous idea, not that we could put it into practice anyway."

"No, don't discard it from the scratch, just say what it is." I pressed him, a hint of deluded hope creeping into my voice.

"Well, Myra once wrote a program, a kind of Trojan actually, that enables one to create a copy of a computer's harddrive. The copy is set up on a exterior server in the net, like our own for example and each time the internet is accessed by the infected computer the Trojan sends bits of the harddrive until we have the whole pack and then we can read everything new that comes in immediately. In this case we would not have to worry about the firewall, because the network would not be suspicious about outgoing data."

With each word my features lightened up a bit more. "But that's just brilliant!" I exclaimed. "What's stopping us?"

"The same problem as before," he sighed, "we need to get the program onto a computer of Dreamline's, one that's used a lot preferably."

So it was a full circle back to the start. My shoulders slumped back down. Gregory shut down the computer, the blue light illuminating his face dying. It was almost dark in the room. With a clap of his hands he flicked on the light, as the sun had almost set entirely by now.  
"I'm sorry I can't help you Tenou, I'd have liked to – and step a bit on the toes of those Dreamline buttheads."

He patted my back in a comforting way, only it didn't help much. Jerks like Coleman or Kazuki always seemed to win out in the end and Michiru's efforts were going to be in vain. We would remain feeble women in their eyes, second in abilities and more appreciated for a decorative effect. The way Coleman had leered over Michiru's figure had came back to me, the memory had me gnashing my tears again.

Gregory misunderstood it as another sign of disappointment. "I'm sorry," he offered again with a gentle grip on my shoulder. "Do you want to stay for dinner."

"No, thank you." With a heavy sigh I pushed back from the desk I had been leaning against. "I should return to the hotel and inform Michiru that our plan was a failure. Still, thank you for trying. You did more than I could've asked from you."

"As you say," we shook hands.  
"I'll let myself out. Thank you again." With that I made my way to the door, to get out before frustration could get the better of me. I needed to drive, windows rolled down to feel the wind in my face until my mind was back on track.

Then, just as I was tying my shoes, about to leave, a thought struck me. Loosening the half-tied shoelaces and stripping them off my feet, I strode back into the house again. Gregory had joined his girlfriend in the kitchen, peeling potatoes over the sink. Both spun around as burst into the kitchen.

"Did you forget something, Tenou?" Myra asked puzzled.

"No!" I fixed my eyes on her boyfriend. "Give me a copy of the program you mentioned Gregory. I have a plan how to get it into Dreamline's network!"  
Both stared incredulously at me. "How?" asked Myra at the same time as Gregory said "Are you sure?"  
Confident as I had not felt since the plane had landed in America I nodded. "Yes, I'm pretty sure I know a way in. Just listen."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said in the previous chapter, I have no idea about how networks between computers work and what is possible in hacking and what isn't. The idea comes from Stieg Larson's books but I don't know if what I wrote here would be possible. For the sake of the story I call creative liscence and say it works.
> 
> Lyrics are taken from the first musical I knew all the (german) lyrics to, Starlight Express. The song is AC/DC.  
> Enjoy!

 

* * *

_I am electric-mind how you touch me._  
I can shock you, I can set you on fire.  
I can reach you up and pluck down the lightning.  
Watch the conductor, see the live wire.

* * *

I had just finished the last touches on my make-up and smoothed down my dress when the knock sounded on the door. Still barefoot, I went to open it but when I reached for the handle I paused, taking a breath to steal myself before I revealed my disguise to Michiru.

Last night, as I had come back from Myra's and Gregory's place, I headed straight for Michiru's room, positively beaming at her when she let me in. "Did you find some evidence Dreamline stole data from us?" she asked excitedly when she saw my face.

"Not yet," I had admitted, "Gregory couldn't find a way to hack into the security system. But Myra has written a program which will help us, we just need to get it onto one of Dreamline's computers. And I have a plan on how to do just that."

We had settled down at the table, our planning spot as it had become and Michiru handed me a bottle of water from the mini-fridge as I started to outline my plan to her.

The program Myra had written was stored on an pen drive, geared up to start and install itself if connected, once planted it would only be a matter of time until we had enough information on Coleman's hard-drives. Only, we needed to get to one of Dreamline's computers. Simply walking back into their offices was out of the question, as was breaking and entering. Admittedly I had considered it for a second, but I didn't want to be committing any more illegal actions, especially not ones that could be traced back to Michiru and tarnish her name, so we had to slip the pen drive in secretly.  
Michiru couldn't request another meeting with Coleman without raising his suspicions after their dinner had ended in a rather cooled off parting and no further need for business related talks.

"But what kind of reason would you have to meet up with Coleman?" Michiru had asked confused, when I had announced I would be the one to snuck the program onto his computer. Initially my idea had been pretending to act as defector trying to sell off business secrets of KaiouKom to him in order to secure myself a new, well paid position at his company, although I had discarded it fairly quickly. Coleman was not stupid, he would never have risen to his position otherwise, so he would have to be blind and deaf to not notice my strained attitude towards him when we had met the first time.  
He would never buy it, if I turned up as 'myself'.

"I'll disguise myself," I had told Michiru, gulped and continued, "I'll pretend to be Taneguchi, so Coleman will know she does work for you, I doubt he knows for certain whether she came with us from Japan or not. Hopefully the combination of begging to alter the conditions of our deal and flattery from a woman will do the trick."

Being confronted with Michiru's incredulous stare had the plan sounding not half as good, as it had in my head previously but it was nothing to the way her mouth simply dropped open, staring wide-eyed at me as she saw me now in the open door, without the binder around my chest, wearing a dress and a wig of long black hair.  
Mouth dry, I swallowed before I managed to ask hoarsely "Does it look convincing?"

Even though I knew it did, my breasts where only held by a bra instead of tight wrappings and the dark red dress emphasized my curves instead of levelling them out as the suits did. Not even back at home with my father I had worn dresses if there had been a chance to avoid it, it felt as much as dressing up as going to work as a man did.

It took her a moment to find her voice again, her eyes still wandering from the false long hair to the hem of my dress, she said. "Wow, you look... really different. I don't know what to say."

It felt weird. Seeing her standing in front of me, obviously discomfited by my appearance, it hurt. I scurried over to the bed, where I had left the heels I had borrowed from Michiru, pulling them on to avoid looking at her face. A feeling of uneasiness I had anticipated when the plan had formed in my mind, but I didn't expect it to hurt like that, for the first time since we meet I was standing in front of Michiru as the real me, or as close as I could get at the moment and she was keeping so much distance. It felt as for a moment as if the person she was seeing right now wasn't even her friend anymore.

Having finished buckling the straps of my shoes, I straightened up again. "Wish me luck?" I asked, my voice sounding less steadfast than I would have liked it to.  
My words shook her from her paralysed state into motion again. "Of course." Suddenly she stepped forward, hugging me lightly for the briefest moment. "Good luck, Haruka,"  
The way she whispered my name against my shoulder had another sort of ache bloom in my gut. Her arms where gone before I could return the hug and she had stepped away, at respectable distance again.

"Thank you." I said, then left to catch a cab to the restaurant where Coleman was waiting.

The cabdriver tried to engage me in a conversation for the first few minutes of the ride, talking about sights I, in his opinion needed to see before I left, and how he would happily write down a list, give me directions or drive me, but when I fell completely quiet after two monosyllabic answers he soon ceased his attempts at chatting.  
My mind was occupied elsewhere and I was not in the mood for idle talk, not with so much at stake and certainly not when I was wearing a dress for the first time in years. It was almost ridiculous how vulnerable this piece of clothing could make me feel.  
This morning Michiru had called Taneguchi back in Japan to find out whether she had spoken to Coleman himself or if the meetings had been set up between her and his secretaries and what the had talked to her about. The phone had been on speaker so I had been able to listen to Taneguchi reciting the conversations.  
There wasn't much danger for me to blow my cover that way. What I was more afraid about, were the chances of Coleman recognizing me. The wig certainly altered my appearance tremendously and I had put on as much make-up as I could get away with, without looking like a tramp, but I was wary all the same. My hopes relied on the assumption that he had not cared to look at me closely when we had meet, deeming me to low and uninteresting for him to waste his time on trying to remember my face.

Soon the cab had reached its destination and I stood outside a the tinted glass doors of the restaurant, holding off another minute to compose myself.  
As soon as I would see him, I knew, I would want nothing more than spew my accusations straight into his face, calling him out on his foul methods. It would only lead to him laughing straight back into my face.  
 _'You're doing this for Michiru.'_ I reminded myself. _She's counting on you.'  
_ Tugging the hem of my dress a little lower down past my knees and taking a deep breath I entered. Immediately a blonde women looking like she had come to life from between the pages of a beach-wear catalogue scurried over to me, asking if I had a reservation.

"I'm supposed to meet a Mr. Coleman here," I told her and felt a wave of relief wash over me when my voice didn't sound to weird in my own ears. To prevent the off-chance of Coleman remembering my voice I had, during my ride, decided to speak higher than I usually did. One could never be careful enough.  
She checked her list, scanning the names with practised ease until she found the right one and nodded. "Of course Miss. If you would follow me please?" She led me past the dining room into the lounge.  
On the far side of the room a fake chimney had been built, a fire guttering on the screen inside to give the illusion of a warm and homely place - as if the Californian autumn would have needed a real fire. The waitress led me directly toward the fireplace, where several armchairs were grouped together in circles of four. As we neared them I saw Coleman sitting in one of them, apparently he had spotted us as well, rising suddenly.  
The waitress stopped, letting me pass her to my target, asking if there was anything we wanted. Coleman shook his head 'No', so she withdrew with a wide fake smile directed at both of us.  
"Ms Taneguchi I presume." Tonight I got to experience his strong grip first hand, as he swallowed my hand whole in his .  
"Mr. Coleman. I am very pleased to meet you in person finally." I replied, trying to emulate Michiru's smile. Judging by the way he droned on, it worked. "Had I known you were such a beautiful woman, I would have made sure to meet you sooner. Why didn't I see you at the meeting earlier this week?"  
Michiru had devised a rough schedule for Taneguchi's week and I repeated where I had supposedly been when I had actually been right under his nose the whole time.

"I took the liberty of ordering us a pre-dinner drink, please have a seat." He guided me into one of the armchairs, then settled down in the one I had seen him sitting in earlier. The soft leather of the chair moulded to my figure and I let myself sink into the comfortable chair, leaning back a little while still keeping my posture. I waited for Coleman to begin this conversation, for him to give me a hint on how to approach him best.

"You were rather vague about the reason for your wish to meet tonight Ms Taneguchi. I'd be glad to help a beauty such as you in every possible way but I'd need to know what the matter is."

Buying time I reached for the stem of the elegant glass in front of me and sniffed at the light blue liquid inside. "What is this?" I asked.  
"It's called 'angel's delight'. I thought it fitting for such a beautiful person as you," he replied. He clinked his square snifter against the rim of my glass. While Coleman took a large swallow of what looked to me like some sort of whiskey with limes, I only sipped daintily from my drink. The wide rim of the glass hid the way my lips pursed as I tasted the drink, it was much too sweet for my taste and I couldn't even detect the alcohol anymore behind all the coconut flavour. With a smile in place again I set my glass down, wishing I had Coleman's whiskey instead.  
My father would have been appreciative had he seen me like this, sitting gracefully and demure, in a dress and with my knees pressed together, when I spoke "Let's not start the evening off with business Mr. Coleman, I'm sure your day was a stressful one. So why don't you tell me a little more about yourself before dinner?"  
It didn't take much more to spring his boisterous ego into gear. I let him talk, listening not to his stories but to the way in which he told them, while I steadily forced the sugary drink down. Coleman behaved in the same way he had with Michiru earlier this week and didn't take neither her nor me as a serious business partner. As much as I hated his attitude it would hopefully help me to sell the act of the Japanese woman who wants to stay in the states and sell her boss out.  
With our glasses empty the blonde waitress appeared again, leading us over into the dining room where a table in a secluded corner had been reserved for us. I was pleased to be handed a menu as I had already feared Coleman might have ordered for us already as well. He was however quick to recommend me dishes. "This place serves excellent steaks of all kind, Ms Taneguchi, the house-special is most delicious." I took his words in with a polite nod but made sure to order a vegetarian dish just to spite him a little.  
"You know a lot about me now Ms. Taneguchi, but I still know next to nothing about you." He flashed me a smile, meant to be charming. "So why don't you tell me, for starters why you requested this meeting?"  
Behind his easy smile his eyes were piercingly sharp. I returned with what I hoped looked like a sensual smile, a light curl upwards of the corners of my lips and hoped it would look convincing, seeing as my expertise in this area was quite limited. With less at stake I might have enjoyed playing this game, but tonight my nerves were strained a bit.

_'You're doing this for Michiru.'_

"There's little to know about me, Mr. Coleman, my life hasn't been a fraction as interesting as yours. I'm just an insignificant secretary from a foreign company not half as big as yours."

Coleman raised his wine glass, toasting to me. "And yet you're having dinner here with me."

I nodded. Now came the part I had so sell, the moment I had been anticipating all evening. My hand itched to run through my hair, as it always did when I was nervous, but I couldn't risk having my wig slip. To cover up my twitching fingers I reached for my own wine, taking a sip to wet my now dry mouth.

"I'd like to pose a question to you Mr. Coleman. What would it take to transform me from an insignificant foreign secretary to a not so insignificant secretary working here?" I kept my gaze levelled on his eyes as I spoke watching as his eyes went wider and he slowly set down his glass.  
The his boisterous demeanour vanished in an instant and he was all business-man now. "Why would you ask such a question?" he wanted to know.  
I was prepared to answer that question, I would have required an answer too, were I in his position, so I fed him the lie easily. "Your company was not the only one we planned to close deals with but the negotiations here haven't been going well for Kaiou-san, several prearranged contracts have fallen through or are pending at the moment."  
I noticed how his posture straightened ever so slightly as he listened to me telling him what he already knew, undoubtedly pleased to see the results of his work. But his words were the opposite. "That's too bad to hear," he said with fake compassion.

I bit my cheek to keep a sharp remark in, holding up my poker-face. The real Taneguchi would have never brought my next words past her lips.

"I don't want to share Kaiou-san's fate, I want to take what I can get and leave before the ship before it sinks."

Coleman cocked his head, regarding me, not lewdly this time but seizing me up. My words had been of ambition and ambition was something he could understand well.  
"Why would you choose to come to Dreamline?"

He was biting.

"Why I are you sure you're the only CEO I'm having dinner with?" I retorted with a sly smile. If he thought he had competition it would be easier for me to convince him that he needed to employ me. He returned my smile.

"Well played Ms. Taneguchi. I don't know whom you have dinner with, but I'd hate to think you share your charming presence with just about everybody. So let's say I were interested in giving you a post at Dreamline, why should I?"

"Well I'm highly capable at what I do, otherwise I wouldn't be Kaiou-san's secretary." I stated, but it didn't satisfy him, he motioned for me to give him more. So I did.

"What would you say if I showed you some of the latest ideas KaiouKom has in its development, projects designed for our Japanese market? It would make Dreamline catch on overseas immediately."

Coleman licked his lips, his interest was more than piqued now.

"You're bluffing," he told me head-on and for a moment I feared he had seen through it all and I had been the mouse the whole time thinking I was the cat. "You wouldn't sell out secret plans just like that and risk a lawsuit."

I breathed a little sigh of relief when he only mentioned laws. "Why, your team would have to modify it of course, change some lines of codes. Who can say where the original idea came from."  
Batting my eyelashes I gave him the best innocent look I could muster. He regarded me with a ponderous look, than he emptied his glass.  
"And who would guarantee me, you would never pull this very same stunt on me, like you do now to Ms. Kaiou?"

I shrugged. "Nobody. But you would have gotten a good deal out of it. Don't you think it might be worth the risk?"

"You're a clever woman, I can't deny that," he said, appreciatively, though by now every word of him was an empty compliment to my ears, nevertheless I smiled bashfully as if his praise flattered me. We were getting close to the finish, it was time to lay on one last round of flattery.

"Not half as clever as you, Mr Coleman," I chirped. "But you could use a helping hand, couldn't you? Surely there would be a way for me to stay here, wouldn't there? So tell me, what would a man like you do with me?"  
I was blatantly flirting by now. Coleman's face was a satisfied, lazy smile as he enjoyed himself. The more I flirted with him, the more unabashed his eyes raked over my body and I was glad we were still sitting at the table where he could only eye my upper body.  
For a moment the image of the real Taneguchi flitted through my mind, how she would fare in this situation, this woman so devoted and protective of our boss, that I had dubbed her watchdog sitting here, flirting with the enemy and talking about leaving Michiru. I bit my lip to keep from laughing out loud.

"I've been a very imaginative men, I'm sure we could come up with some ideas. But lets get back to business first." He laughed loud and heartily and I joined in with a short chuckle, swallowing my bile.

"I'm not going to buy a pig in a poke. Before I offer you a post with Dreamline I'd like to see some of those programs you're promising me."

Now I had him where I had wanted him and the first real smile on this evening curled my lips. "I knew I have been judging you right, Mr Coleman. I thought you'd wanted to see some of the goods, so I brought a flash-drive. We can go to your office and I'm sure you'll be delighted with what you're going tot see."

It earned me another appreciative nod. "I like the way you think Ms. Taneguchi. Cooperating with you will be wonderful."

It was a good thing we had gotten through dessert by then, and I only had to keep the conversation going until Coleman flagged down our waitress to pay the bill.

From all Michiru and I had seen so far of him, it was likely Coleman intended to snag the data from my flash-drive and keep it without offering me the prospective job, but as long as I got Myra's program into Dreamline's network past their securities, I didn't care. Especially since Michiru had some pieces of code from abandoned projects sent to her yesterday to use as a lure for Coleman.

During the ride to his office I was spared more conversation when Coleman slipped a CD of what he told me was his favourite American rock band into the stereo, which he proceeded to blast at a maximum volume. I wouldn't have pegged him as the type of person who still used CDs, but looking around the dashboard I couldn't even see a clasp for an iPod or something alike.

Coleman drove to the parking lot behind the company buildings. As we slowed down and made our way past the row of parking spots I recognized some of the name plates as his lackeys who had been sitting in on the meeting with Michiru. He pulled into the last spot in the row, the one closest to the entrance.  
Twilight had almost passed by now and the shadow of Dreamline's headquarters towered above me as I waited for Coleman to unlock to the door. "Follow me," he said, holding the door open for me and I quickly returned my eyes to the ground-level, shaking of the slight fear of failure that had crept upon me like the shadow of the mighty building. I had come this far, there would be no screw-ups now.

_'Michiru is counting on you Haruka.'_

Once again I crossed Dreamline atrium, which seemed vast even in the darkness, where the dark corners left one only guessing how much further the room expanded. The fountain was turned off at night, leaving the soft slaps of Coleman's shoes and the clicking of my heels as the only sounds. We rode the elevator, higher than last time, all the way to the top floor. When he had unlocked the door to his office, Coleman took my hand as soon as I had stepped over the threshold. Startled I flinched, but he tightened his grip as I tried to retract my hand and pulled me over to the window.

"Just take a second to take in this majestic view."

Grateful that he let go of my hand once I stepped beside him, I took in the outlook quietly. He was right, the view from his office on the city below was incredible, even more so now, that night had fallen and the lights of the city swam below us like fallen stars while we stood up here above it all. It was easy to feel better, a king, so far removed from.

"It is very beautiful." I told him, meaning it. My words broke the silence and Coleman turned around to his desk. "But we didn't come to enjoy the view." He said matter of factly and turned on the lamps. Glaring light illuminated the room at once and I had to blink several times before my eyes became used to the sudden brightness.  
"Yes, of course." I fished the little flash-drive out of my purse as I approached his desk. Coleman booted his computer then he pulled out the large leather chair for me to sit in. My fingers were shaking ever so slightly with anticipation as I tried to plug in the flash-drive and I had to aim twice before it connected. Once the computer registered the device I opened up the folder Michiru had prepared for me, while Myra's program, which was safely tucked out of sight in a folder labelled travel accounts, installed itself and got to work, copying Dreamline's databases and sending the copies to Myra and Gregory piece by piece.

"Here is one of the prototypes set to be launched on the market next spring, a special phone app, since you know how much Japanese teens love their phones," I said, opening the first file containing a program code that had been ditched before I was employed to KaiouKom. Coleman stepped behind me to look over my shoulder and hummed appraisingly. His breath was right next to my ear, and every file I opened he pulled in closer to me, acting as if he wanted a better look. A whiff of alcohol and onion from dinner pinched my nose every time he breathed out, but I could only avoid him so much sitting in his chair.

"This one you'll be most interested in," I promised him as I opened the code of the largest file I was given as bait. By now he had placed one of his large hands on my shoulder. Squirming slightly I tried to evade his grasp but he noted the motion and pulled me more towards him. With an internal sigh I steeled myself to endure the proximity for the reminder of this meeting, trying not to let disdain colour my voice as I rattled down lie after lie about the program I tried selling to him.

"What do you say?" I asked him, closing the window after I had finished my explanation. When I turned my head his face was right there, so close I almost collided with his and I shrank back instantly. I forcefully pushed back the chair and stood up, forcing Coleman to back off or have his toes overrun. Even with more than an arm's length of distance between us the sleazy grin, that must have spread sometime while he had crept closer to me, was still in place. "Quite lovely, Miss Taneguchi," he answered.  
Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to get out of here and be back at the hotel where I could just sit and talk to Michiru. In an effort to collect myself I smoothed down my dress even though there wasn't much that needed smoothing, then I focused on Coleman again, levelling him with a cool look. "I'm glad to hear you liked it, I'll be sure you'll be getting in touch with me to work out the details. Now if you could see me out, Kaiou-san and I have an early day again tomorrow so I have to get going."

The same boisterous laugh he had given me a few times during dinner already came out of his mouth as he stepped once again closer to me, trying to lay a placating hand on my arm, but I withdrew immediately.

"No need to be so reserved now my dear, we were getting along so well all evening."

It was good for Michiru, for us, if Coleman felt so sure about himself, still I needed this charade to be over. Acting like a man these past few months had been easier than being a woman tonight.  
"It's been a long day Mr. Coleman, so please excuse me," I said, already taking a few steps towards the door, whether he accompanied me or not.  
I heard him chuckle behind me, then the lights where shut off again and he followed me out of the room. "You're flash-drive Miss Taneguchi," He said, holding out the device I had almost completely forgotten on his computer.  
"Oh, thank you very much. See how tired I'm getting if I forget things like this." I let out a short laugh, to cover up how relieved I was. If the flash-drive had been left here, Dreamline wouldn't even have to look for a culprit should they detect their data being copied and send off, which would incriminate not only Michiru and her company but also Myra and Gregory. It would be a lousy way to repay their help with my carelessness, so I had to pull myself together and stay focused for the last few minutes.  
However when Coleman offered to drive me back to my hotel I politely declined, insisting on hailing a cab, which he finally accepted with only a slightly grudging look.

As soon as the cab door slammed shut behind me I slumped into the seat with a heartfelt sigh and directed the driver to Myra's address.

It was well past midnight, close to one in the morning, when I returned to our hotel.  
At Myra's and Gregory's place they were already busy sitting in front of their computers when I arrived. Gregory opened the door, giving me a once over and let out a low whistle.  
"Wow, Tenou! You clean up nice and that's an understatement."

"Thanks," I said wryly as I stepped past him and slipped of Michiru's heels. "I can't wait to get out of this stuff."  
He laughed, patted me on the back and walked off to their 'work-room'. "Come in, the others are already searching through the data we been getting since you activated the program, the transmission rate is pretty good so far."  
I followed him into the dimmed light of the work room, where three computers where running, two occupied by people. My mouth was just beginning to phrase the question whether they had found something yet, but seeing a second person I didn't expect stopped me. Gregory noticed my look and tipped the guy one the shoulder to get his attention and introduced him to me.  
"This is Luke, he wanted to help when we told him about our little coup. You can trust him."

Luke, the fourth member of Spleen, I hadn't met so far, rose from his chair and shook my hand. "Glad to meet you Mr. Tenou." he said and we both had to chuckle at how absurd it sounded to have him call me mister while I was all dolled up.

"Just call me Haruka. May I ask why you jumped in on this not quite legal operation?"  
I was curious about his reasons seeing as I hadn't had a chance to study his character. Sure, he seemed nice on a first look and if Myra and Gregory vouched for him, he was as trustworthy as I could get, but not any guy just joins in on what is essentially stealing, and a criminal offence.

"Let's just say I don't like Dreamline very much – or their work ethics for that matter."

"They let him do a six month internship without payment when he was fresh out of college for which he turned down other job offers and then they didn't hire him." Myra supplied helpfully from her seat without ceasing her typing.

Luke shot her a look and sighed. "Yeah, well I came to found Spleen with these guys so eventually it's all good, but I still don't like Dreamline."

"Than thank you for helping us." I bowed slightly.

"Enough chit-chat boys," Myra called in our attention. "We've got work to do. Haruka you can take the computer next to Gregory."

It didn't take us long to find the first traces of our data, Luke was the first to call me over and show me what he thought might be our target. At first look it seemed he was right but as I read through the code I realized that Dreamline had already begun doing alterations to this version. They were even quicker than we had feared. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to make the right decision. Should we secure the alternated code as well as our initial one or would it be enough to get a hold of the programs they stole from Michiru?  
Michiru was not here to ask so the responsibility fell to me, yet I didn't know what to do. In the end I decided we would only regain our own programs to show Dreamline we had prove they took from us without a deal sealing it, to gain back our losses. I wouldn't make Michiru a thief, or any of these people willing to help me, not anymore than I had to.

"This is not the original." I told Luke. "Can you look for something alike but without these lines?" I indicated them on the screen.

It took some more time, but in the end we were successful in compiling a disk which showed KaiouKom programs on Dreamline machines with time stamps and some other stuff which Michiru where to present Coleman tomorrow before she made the gracious offer of settling this without a lawsuit if Coleman were to take care of our contracts with the other companies getting signed before we boarded our plane back to Japan.

Elated as I was at our success, I didn't even await a response to my knock, opening the door to Michiru's room with a flourish.

„We've got it!" Triumphantly I raised the case containing the disk, but one look at a motionless Michiru standing on the other side of the room, made me stop dead in my tracks.

"You were pretty cosy with Myra, always holing up together. Did it really take you that long to secure our data and the evidences?" Michiru asked snidely.

My arm sank down and I slowly placed the disk-case on the sideboard. Michiru did not look as pleased as I had thought she would, instead of beaming with joy at the success of our mission she regarded me with a guarded and rather cold look. This wasn't what I had expected.

"What do you mean? You know as well as I that Dreamline had lots of data we needed to check and we still had to be careful not to put up digital neon signs tracking back to us." I asked, trying to make sense of the situation for me, as I slowly pulled the wig from my head and ran a hand through my short locks.

"And I'm sure you had a good time covering up." Her voice was snide.

"Michiru, what's wrong? We were successful all around; you will get your deals, Coleman will get a lot of trouble. What is wrong here?"

The glare she bestowed upon me said I ought to know yet I didn't and it probably showed on my face.

"You met with Coleman for an early dinner, yet you were gone half the night, staying over at Myra for hours!"

Was she really jealous? I couldn't believe it. Kaiou Michiru the efficient, collected and cool business woman who never lost her composure when her job was concerned, appeared to be jealous. It was a crazy thought, even in my head so I didn't voice it out loud.

"I did that for you, for the company." I took a step towards her, but she backed away in an instant.

"For heaven's sake, Myra's boyfriend Gregory was there and he helped us, even their fourth member Luke was helping us tonight and even between the four of us we had to search for hours to get our findings. They were all helping me, helping us, doing us a tremendous favour they didn't even have to. Nothing else happened."

She didn't look entirely convinced yet, but her features began to soften. I dared another step towards Michiru and this time she did not retreat. The possibility that she could have felt the same jealousy, the possessiveness for my attention as I had experienced when I saw her with other men was surprising. It felt flattering and strange at the same time.

"I am sorry." she said ruefully, "sorry for being so ungrateful and silly."

"Don't be." I told her, reaching out one hand to touch her shoulder. "What are we friends for, if we can't even argue once in a while?"

She did not reply, but when I tentatively placed my other hand on her shoulder too and pulled her closer, Michiru accepted the embrace, leaning against my shoulder, as I held her.

"What kind of friends are we Haruka?" she murmured against the fabric of my dress, the words so muffled I had trouble making them out. Michiru drew back a little, bringing her face up to mine with a look in her eyes I had no words to describe, only that it was brimming with all sorts of feelings. Maybe my gaze was the same.

Maybe that was why we both fathomed, perhaps even knew deep down, what was about to happen.

For when Michiru closed her eyes and leaned in I did not turn away but moved forward ever so slightly to meet her lips in a kiss.

She was soft, but beneath the gentle, testing touch was an underlying hunger, and, like a spark giving flame, it lit something up inside me. I let her in, holding her tight against me. Michiru's arms encircled my waist, clinging to me the same way I clung to her and I wondered if she felt as amazed by the perfect way our mouths melted together as myself.  
A moment ago I had wondered if it wasn't weird for me to hold her in my arms like this, when she thought me a man while I was wearing a dress but when we kissed I suddenly felt glad, I was looking like the woman I was. The feeling of Michiru's lips against my own felt incredibly right yet wrong at the same time, but most of all it was wonderful.

_'What kind of friends indeed?'_


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from Jimmy Eat World - A Praise Chorus

  


* * *

_Are you gonna live your life wonderin'_  
Standing in the back lookin' around?  
Are you gonna Waste your time  
Thinkin' how you've grown up or how you missed out?  
Things are never gonna be the way you want  
Where's it gonna get you acting serious?

* * *

I woke from fitful sleep when the alarm on my phone rang the next morning. Stretching once didn't help in making my body more awake, but once I stood up I felt my feet still smarted slightly from wearing heels last night.

I couldn't say which of us had broken the kiss, but as soon as the we had parted the magic of the moment was broken. The irrational part of me, still on fire from kissing Michiru, wanted to continue this, to kiss her again and hold her in my arms, but for the most part I was mainly confused what this meant for us and how to proceed. The uncertainty must have shown on my face, for Michiru disentangled herself from me after a short look at my face. Her own features were also far from certain as she stared at me, or rather at the dress I was wearing.  
Her gaze was burning through the cloth, right into my chest and I feared what she was about to say when she opened her mouth to finally break the silence.  
I didn't want to hear the question she was going to ask, didn't want to deal with my secret being revealed after this wonderful moment just now, but frozen in place as I was before I could flee to my room Michiru spoke. A little flustered, all she said was "Thank you. Thank you for all you did tonight, Haruka."

Relief painted a gentle smile on my face. "You're more than welcome," I replied and, with what was probably left-over courage from kissing her, I took her hand for a moment, giving her a gently squeeze. "Good night."

A bit of the tension left her and she returned my words with a shy smile. "Good night."

I wanted to hug her again, maybe kiss her brow, but Michiru made no move and I didn't dare, so I let my fingers slips from hers, turned and left.  
Back in my room, my heart was hammering inside my chest faster than it would've running a marathon. Running actually, like driving, had always had a calming effect on me, but when I slipped out of the dress and unfastened my bra, I felt the rapid pulse clearly yet there was no run for me to go on, nor a drive to help me clear my mind, so instead I fell into bed, trying to shut everything that had happened after my return to the hotel out of my mind.

Showering didn't make me feel much better, but at least I felt more awake. The bra from last night lay on the dresser right next to the bandages I used for my chest and I almost reached for the wrong item. How easy it was to fall back into what were once normal habits.  
A little huff pushed past my lips as I reached for the bandages and wrapped them securely around my chest, wondering whether it was ironic or tragic that I had kissed Michiru looking like myself but was now donning the masquerade again for everything to be normal again.  
Asami's voice rang loud in my head, scolding me for lying for so long and really, after all that had happened it didn't matter that I never claimed to be a man when I never refuted the claim either. If I had cleared up her father's wrong assumptions in my first job interview everything would have gone different. But I wasn't sure if I wanted them to be much different, by now Michiru had become an integral part of my life.  
The accusations finally quieted when I pulled the knot on my tie tight, armour in place and I went to knock on Michiru's door to ask her down to breakfast.

As it turned out, Michiru had already ordered room-service instead and invited me to join her. She was dressed as impeccably as ever, skirt and blazer pressed, hair flowing but just like me she had trouble making eye contact. Our eyes would meet, for a brief second before we both as if on command would avert our gaze again.

I followed her to the set table where we ate in silence for the next minutes. When Michiru poured herself a third cup of coffee even though she usually never took more than one at breakfast I guessed that she had slept as little as I did.

"I called Coleman before you arrived," she told me and I looked up from the toast I was buttering, but Michiru was talking down into her bowl of yoghurt. "I told him I heard something about a meeting last night, between him and one of my employees and that I'd like to talk about it with him. We're scheduled to meet up in the lobby at 10."

I nodded. Michiru went silent again as she continued to eat her breakfast. Wistfully I gazed at her, debating whether I should tell her my secret or not. My rational mind was fully aware that there was no way to tell her, not right now, before she went off to crush Coleman, but my heart was becoming sick of this lie. I wanted to kiss Michiru again and I wanted her to see me, not the act I had conjured up. At the very least we had to talk about the kiss and what it meant for us, yet we both treaded around it carefully.

The one thing I was certain about after last night, was that more than ordinary friendship bound me to Michiru, as I had never felt the desire to kiss my other friends like Asami or Tomohito. With Michiru however, I was certain any logic in me would be overruled should she offer herself and I'd pull her into my arms in a second.

"Michiru, about - " I started, to say something, anything to not completely brush the occurrence under the rug, but at the same time Michiru spoke again and I swallowed the half-formed sentence on my tongue.

"I want you to be at the office of our last reluctant business partners by the time I've finished with Coleman and to sign our contracts as soon as I call you. I shall personally drop by at Spleen and give them my thanks."

Remembering her words from last night I looked at Michiru, surprised. "Is this still about Myra?"

For this was the way I least expected her to comment on our kiss, but Michiru shook her head and set her cup down. She reached for the coffee pot once more but then retracted her hand.  
"No, I know you're right. I was being... silly... last night. They have helped us a great deal when they were under no obligation to do so and it feels only right that I should thank them in person for what they've done to us."

There was the correct business woman again, the woman who had been my boss for the last months, I couldn't help but smile. "I'll take care of the contracts as soon as your call comes in." I assured her.

"Good." She pushed her chair back and rose. A glance on my watch told me it was a quarter to ten and time to get going. I drained the last of my coffee from my cup and followed her suite.

Before she reached the door, as if on impulse, Michiru turned around and stepped back, close to me. Confused I stood still as she put her arms around me for the briefest moment, a quiet "tomorrow we'll be back home" leaving her lips. I didn't know what to make of her words, but before I could return her embrace she had already drawn back, looking me straight in the eyes. Determined.

"Let's get this over with!"

"Let's." I replied. Whatever our personal situation was, we would put it on the sideline for now, as long as Michiru and I could look in each other's face again I was cautiously optimistic.

I had left the hotel before any sign of Coleman had shown up, taking the rented car and leaving Michiru behind in the lobby. Partly I was disappointed by having to be absent as I would have loved to see Coleman's arrogant face crumble when Michiru would serve him our terms for not reporting him for stealing business secrets or making his dirty methods public knowledge with his partners, but I knew it was better for me to remain out of sight. I might have been able to fool him with a dress and a wig after he hadn't seen me for a few days but it was wiser not to tempt fate and have him recognize me.  
So while I sat in the car waiting for Michiru to call me telling me our contract were ready to sign again my restless mind had ample time to think again. Their meeting had already started over half an hour ago. We hadn't expected Coleman to give up easily, but I was confident Michiru would handle him. Still I was growing restless. I opened the window, hoping to catch a breeze, however the air was too warm for the beginning of autumn and stood still, so I pulled the window up again and ran a hand through my hair.

Last night I had caught myself halfway to the gesture, only to stop as to not dishevel the wig. Having long hair again had been odd, I had stared at myself in the mirror for a long moment trying to see myself pre-accident in the figure in the glass.  
Now I wondered if Michiru would regard me with the same curious look as last night if she knew I was truly a women. The one thing I was sure of after last night, was that I was indeed jealous of the men in her life that she gave her attention to, be it Kazuki or leering asses like Coleman, whom she had to bother with. It was more than the wish of a simple friend to protect her, I wished her to save most of her attention for me.

_'Do I love her?'_

This was the question I couldn't answer. Never before did I question how drawn I was to Michiru or how protective I had grown of her, had simply considered my feelings for her to be similar to those I held for Asami, but I had no desire to hold Asami's hand or kiss her lips. And both were things I wished to do with Michiru again.  
Growing restless in the seat I jumped out of the air-conditioned car into the brooding autumn noon, if I couldn't go for a run or drive I had to walk circles around the car at least. Was this how Tomohito had felt or still felt about me I wondered but I couldn't ask him. Apart from the fact that I hadn't spoken to him at all since I left my family, considering how awkward our last interactions had been it was doubtful I would ever be able to talk about private matters with him again.  
Could I really have fallen in love without realizing it? The question seemed absurd to me, for, while I knew full well I had no control over matters of the heart, I had never considered I might be blind-sided by them entirely. Asami had suspected I might be falling for Michiru months back, when we first started "going out". Maybe she had been right. However I shied away from calling her as advice from her would certainly be accompanied by a scolding of hiding my identity and I didn't want to taint the memory of Michiru's kiss with any more reproaches.  
I had to find my own answers.

Luckily my mobile started to ring and vibrate in my pocket before I could brood any longer. Michiru's voice greeted me on the other side of the line, telling me Coleman had just left and that everything had gone smoothly for once.

"It seems like this trip will end up being a success after all. I had him sending a mail to all our associated companies here right at the table. You should get our deals now. I'll call you again, when I have visited Spleen so I can sign the last few deals myself before we head to the airport. Meet me at the hotel at four o'clock."

"Alright. I'll see you later." I replied and we hung up.

Locking up the car I left the parking lot behind and, proud of our work and confident, strutted to the entrance of the office building. Behind the reception was the same young man like last time, who, with his shaggy brown hair and pimples looked even younger than I did. Dutifully but bored, he asked me who I wanted to see and if I had an appointment.

"I came to see the director himself. Tell him that Tenou Haruka is here on behalf of Kaiou Michiru of KaiouKom."  
At the mention of the names he perked up a little, recognizing then he gave me a sceptical look. "Again? You're not listed for today."

"Call up to your boss." I urged him. "Things have changed and if he doesn't know already he will want to know."

We looked at each other for a moment, then he slowly picked up the phone and pressed a key even though his face said that he didn't believe me. His boss had apparently already read the mail sent by Coleman as I could see the young guy's features change with every word he heard on the other end of the line, morphing from wary to surprised while I watched on with a smug little grin. As soon as he hung up, he asked me in his most cordial voice to take the elevator up right away and twenty minutes later, after a few embarrassed apologies and polite chitchat, I left with a signed contract.  
At the next company I went to it was more or less the same. By the time I arrived Coleman's mail had been read and when I gave the company's name at the reception I was asked up to immediately.

Exactly at four I walked into the lobby, my steps bouncing with joy, it had felt pretty good to have all the directors apologizing profusely after they had served us flimsy, phony excuses days prior. Some had declined to sign the contracts or re-enter into negotiations with KaiouKom in an attempt to preserve some of their dignity but even those had to admit they had cowered before one word of Coleman and Dreamline.  
Michiru was already there, sitting in a plush chair to the side. When she saw me, she rose and walked over to meet me halfway into the hall. From her satisfied face I could tell her meetings had been similar to mine.

"Success?" I asked and she smiled brightly. "Success."

"I would propose a glass of champagne to celebrate, but I don't think we have the time and I don't like drinking alcohol when flying." Michiru said.

"Don't worry, we'll have time to celebrate properly once we're back in Japan," I told her and, feeling bold, offered her my arm as we walked to the elevators. Michiru accepted, only releasing her hold when we had to part to get the suitcases from our rooms.

"We need to check in at desk number 27," Michiru informed me, having studied the destination board. I looked up too, scanning the rows of green digits indicating the different desk for 27 and when I found it I was puzzled. The flight Michiru was talking about was going to Japan, but instead of landing at Tokyo-Narita where we had left from, its destination was Osaka-Itami. Michiru was already looking in all directions for the signs pointing us to the desk in question not noticing my confusion.  
"Wait a second, isn't this the wrong flight?" I asked, catching her attention. "Shouldn't we head to desk number 31, for the flight to Tokyo?"

Now it was Michiru's turn to look slightly puzzled, as if I was asking a redundant question, but then her features morphed from puzzlement to slight shock. "Oh god, with everything piling up during the last days I completely forgot to tell you. I'm so sorry Haruka. We have to go to Osaka first."

"Why?"

"My parents have bought a small estate outside of Osaka for their retirement and the moved there from Tokyo when father left the company in May. When I informed him about our plan to go to the US and forge some ties to companies there, he requested that he'd be told immediately after our return how it went. We'll arrive on Saturday for a late dinner, show him all the necessary reports on Sunday and return to Tokyo in the evening. "

I just stood there frozen, taking in her words, in a baffled state. I or rather we hadn't even figured out what our kiss last night had meant, hadn't even talked about in passing and now she was announcing to me we were going to meet her parents, not only meeting them but staying for the weekend. I never spent half as much time even with Asami's family. It was too much to handle at once and it made no sense at all. All around people were busily scuttling to and forth, pushing luggage carts or pulling tiny fashionable bags while Michiru and I stood motionless underneath the departure board.

"How could you forget to tell me that?" I asked incredulously, the shock of her announcement making my voice sharper than I intended. Michiru flinched, looking guiltily to the ground, muttering another apology. Instantly I reached to softly to touch her shoulder.  
If there was any indication that it really might be something like love, it was the fact that I couldn't be angry at her, the only emotion I felt was a kind of fear of what was going to happen.

"I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you." she said again and I knew she was, but there was another thing I didn't understand. "Regardless of whether you should have informed me sooner instead of springing a meeting with your father at me like this, why would you even book two flights to Osaka? I'm just some person he met once for a job interview and then never saw again. I'm not even someone important in the company-"

"You're my personal assistant." she interjected as if it was enough of a reason.  
"Taneguchi-san is your personal secretary, who has worked for both you and your father but she's not here. I don't understand it."

It wasn't meant to sound accusing but seeing the hurt flash over Michiru's face I knew how it had sounded to her ear. In the blink of an eye her features morphed into the boss of KaiouKom, cool and distant. "I should have considered you might have already made plans for the weekend, I apologize again. If it's too much of an inconvenience for you, I'm sure we can get the flight changed."

Now it was my turn to be contrite. "Michiru-s" I stopped, then purposely swallowed the rest of the suffix, my apology was to the woman who was my friend, not my employer. "I don't, I mean I don't have any plans for this weekend. I'm sorry I snapped at you. If you deem it important for your assistant to be present of course I'll come to Osaka."

Michiru's shoulders lost a little of their tension but she was still detached. "Thank you. We should head to the desks now and take care of our luggage, it's down that hall." She pointed to her left, wheeling her suitcase around without checking to see if I followed.

_'You just don't find the right words with her."_

While we waited to board the plane Michiru sent out a few more mails from her laptop, to Taneguchi or the board of directors I could only guess and I caught myself staring at her over the newspaper in my hands, asking myself if going over and taking her in my arms would mend the riff or if I was even allowed to do so.  
Whether Michiru glanced up by chance or if she felt my eyes on her I couldn't say, but once she caught me staring I quickly avoided to look at her. Instead I tried to fill the time until we were to board by watching other people, at least there were plenty of them around.

Being on the plane was physical reminder that I would be a guest in the house of Michiru's parents in about thirteen hours, a thought that was putting me on the edge. At the very last we had to talk about the kiss and where to go from there. If she was really bringing me as her personal assistant, it posed the question of whether Taneguchi had been invited to the Kaious' home on previous occasions. Or was Michiru bringing me as a friend? And what kind of friend?  
Although I wanted to talk to her again, no words on how to bring up the topic in a delicate way, neither did Michiru start up the conversation on her own. Soon enough I felt my eyelids drop, after the almost sleepless night my body didn't care that it was only early in the evening and a sideways glance to Michiru showed me her eyes were already closed.  
I had no idea of how long I had slept, but some hours must have passed. Outside the small window it was night and looking down there was nothing but pitch dark to be seen on the ground, where the vastness of the Pacific must be. I craned my neck left and right, trying to get the stiffness from sleeping worked out and stretched my legs. One of the benefits of flying in business class was the comfort of not having my knees stuck to the back of the next chair and if I had remembered to get down the pillow my neck would not bother me either. I raked a hand trough my already tousled hair wondering about the best course of action once our plane touched down. However, next to me Michiru was still asleep.

It gave me the opportunity to study her face without getting caught staring and I remembered how at the start of this week I had also watched Michiru sleep on our flight to California, apparently gazing at her dormant form was becoming a new hobby of mine. Michiru was still just as beautiful as the day I had first met her back in spring, but now after getting to know her, becoming her friend, I was even more fascinated by her. Unintentionally my eyes wandered to her lips, I could still vividly recall how they had felt upon my own, soft and delicious. As if Michiru could feel my gaze even while sleeping her head lolled to the side, leaving me to look at the waves of her hair.  
Like me, she had no pillow though as I contemplated whether it would help her neck, which was surely stiff already, if I pushed a pillow under her head or not, Michiru stirred and woke.

She ran a hand over her face, swiping the sleepiness of her features. "What time is it?" she asked.

"American time or Japanese time?"

Michiru looked past me out of the tiny window where nothing but night was to be seen. "Nevermind, it looks like we'll still have some time before we land," she said.

I didn't know what to say to that. Sure, we had time but time for what, I wondered. One of the stewardesses came up to our seats and offered drinks and I followed Michiru in asking for a tea instead of the usual coffee. When the woman left, pushing her cart to the next couple of seats we both sat with our cups cradled in our hands, blowing into the steaming cup. The smell of mint was soothing.

"It's not bad," Michiru remarked after tasting a small sip of her tea.

"It is," I had to agree, tasting it myself.

"I'm sorry for bringing this up again Michiru, but don't you think it will be a little awkward if I just tag along to your parent's home?" I asked to question into my teacup but I knew Michiru heard me, I could see it from the way she stopped lifting the cup to her lips mid-air for a second before she put it to her lips to take another sip.

"It might become awkward," she admitted. "It's just...Father wasn't thrilled at first at the idea of KaiouKom finding partners in the US. He practically told me to be cautious and safe and to keep relying on Kazuki's connections as. Why break a flourishing partnership he said."

I raised a quizzical eyebrow at that. "I'm no expert but from what I seen in my work in the accounting department I would call these partnerships with Soma's corporation stagnating rather than flourishing." Michiru nodded. "My guess is that Kazuki spoke to my father, insinuating some things and founding his argument on his longer experience, as if the few years he's been in charge matter much." I could hear a note of bitterness in her voice I was all too familiar with. "But he listened, since he was a man." I concluded what Michiru had left unsaid. She looked at me with surprise, apparently this was something she hadn't expected to hear me say and once again the realization hit me just how much alike we were in some aspects of our life.  
"Yes," she admitted quietly. "I understand that you don't like to go Haruka, I'm not fond of practically being summoned to report to my father before I can even unpack my suitcase either, but just in case our venture wouldn't have turned out as successful as it has, it made me feel better knowing somebody would have my back."  
She sounded almost meek, a trait I would have never associated with her but for a moment she wasn't a business woman or a beautiful, slightly flirty adult but just a little daughter doing her best to live up the her father's expectations. In a surge of affection I took her hand and squeezing it tightly. At this point I was pretty sure I was in love, for I didn't even care how cheesy I sounded telling her, "I'll always have your back, just say whenever."

She lowered her eyes to our our joint hands and I watched her slowly interlace our fingers, as if she was half fearing I might pull away. Instead I let my thumb caress the soft skin on the back of her hand.

"What kind of friends are we?" Michiru echoed her question from last night but there was still no real answer I could give.

"I care a great deal about you, Michiru." I told her and she sighed, glad to be given confirmation of some sort. It hurt me knowing I was lying about an essential part of our relation. "But I don't know what we can be right now."

"You don't regret the kiss last night, do you?" she asked, "Because I was sober this time and I know I don't regret it."

My lips curled briefly into a grin as she alluded to the night I had brought her home. Apparently she had remembered more from that night than she had let on.

"I don't regret kissing you in the slightest." A smile lit up her face and I found myself mirroring it instantly. Only now I was beginning to realize how much joy it gave me to be the one putting that warm, honest smile on her face. And although that nagging voice in my mind was urging me to not lead her on any further, I couldn't help myself she was just so radiant. I cupped Michiru's face and pressed my lips for the briefest moment to hers. Michiru sighed softly and rested her head on my shoulder, her hand still in mine.

It was dark outside when the taxi pulled up in front of Michiru's parents' house so I couldn't make out much of it's surroundings, however the house itself was alight. My assumption had been that Michiru's parents might have taken residence in a small traditional Japanese house for their retirement, however I was far from the truth. The house itself was built in a modern, western way, two stories high and appeared to be too big for only two people living there. When Michiru rang the bell a window on the first floor went dark and a moment later the door opened, spilling light out onto us. In the glow of the lamps stood the silhouette of a woman who embraced Michiru gently upon seeing her. "Michiru, it's so good to see you again."  
"Hello mother," Michiru hugged her back, greeting her mother while I stood back in respectful distance.  
The elder Kaiou-san ushered her inside and Michiru motioned for me to follow. "Mother, this is Tenou Haruka-san, my personal assistant. Since father wished for me to come straight away from the airport, he was kind enough to accommodate his plans and travel here with me. Tenou-san this is my mother Misako Kaiou."

Her mother seemed a bit surprised of me being here, but she covered it up quickly with a graceful smile. "Tenou-san, welcome to our home. Thank you for the good work you do for my daughter."  
"Thank you for having me Kaiou-san," I replied, bowing deeply.

"If you would follow me Tenou-san, I'll show you to your room so you can freshen up before dinner." She moved down the corridor, waiting for me to follow her. "I'll see you at dinner Tenou-san" she said as she took her suitcase from me and started to climb up the stairs to the first floor.

The guest room was simple but comfortable and Michiru's mother pointed out the door to the en-suit bathroom in the far corner, obviously the house had been built and bought with the prospect of having guests over on a regular occasion.  
"Do you need anything else?" Misako asked when I had set my suitcase down next to the bed.  
"No thank you, everything is fine." All I wanted was to dress in a fresh shirt and maybe splash some cold water into my face to rid myself of the fatigue of travel.

"Dinner will be ready in fifteen. We eat down the hall, just straight past the front door."

I nodded and Michiru's mother turned and left.

The bathroom was small, containing only a sink, a shower and a toilet as well as a little cabinet which I opened to find towels. Taking a look in the mirror above the sink I was not a good idea, my hair was tousled, my complexion rather pallid. Quickly I fetched my bag of toiletries, flung my dirty shirt on top of my suitcase and went to wash my hair. My old long locks would have been impossible to dry in the short time until dinner, but cut this short it was easy to wash, dry and style my hair to look a little more presentable.  
For regardless of the fact, that Michiru's parents didn't know about this 'us' I wanted to make a good impression. Dressed in a clean shirt I made my way down the hallway as Misako had instructed me. At the door at the end of the hall I knocked once before entering. Michiru was already sitting at the table, hands clasped daintily in her lap, Misako was sitting across from her, mirroring the posture of her daughter. Both looked at me as I entered and Michiru smiled.  
"Tenou-san, please take a seat," she indicated the spot next to her where a plate and cutlery had been set ready. "My father should be joining us any moment."

"I hope you're okay with your room Tenou-san. Did you find everything you needed?" Misako asked when I had sat down.  
"Yes, everything is fine. Thank you for your hospitality on such short notice."

She smiled lightly. "Oh it is no problem, really, the house has room enough. Although Michiru could be accommodating enough to call in beforehand the next time."  
Michiru opened her mouth to reply to her mother but the door swung open and her father entered

and conversation came to a halt. Without sparing me a surprised look he went to his place at the front side of the table, probably his wife had notified him of the unannounced guest.  
As soon as he had sat down, the door on the left side of the room opened and an elderly women carried in a bowl of soup, serving first Michiru's father, then her mother and Michiru, then me.  
"I asked for all your favourites to be cooked tonight Michiru," her mother said with a loving smile for her daughter. "It's been so long since you visited."  
"Misako, she's the head of the firm now, she needs to keep the reins and can't keep coming all the way here every other weekend." Her husband admonished her even though he had the same loving look as his wife on his face whenever his eyes travelled to Michiru.

Throughout the soup the conversation was reserved and I could feel Noriaki's eyes on me ever so often, gauging what my presence at his home and his table signified. When the main course had been served he addressed me directly. "So Tenou-san, it's kind of a surprise seeing you again like this. I haven't seen you since when, your job-interview I believe?"

"Yes, and it's a pleasure to meet you again, Kaiou-san." I answered politely. He nodded, continuing "I take it things have gone well for you when my daughter brings you along to all kinds of functions as I hear." Noriaki was keeping his tone cordial while being inquisitive.

"Father please," Michiru intervened, from the quick glance she shot me I could tell that she didn't want her parents to pay too much attention to me. "If you hadn't insisted I come to you immediately, I didn't have to bring Tenou-san along, but I need to run over a few things with him before Monday. Would you please lay off, I think it's enough that he got dragged here by me."  
I felt like I should say something if Michiru was putting herself out for me. "It was no problem coming here at all, I'm happy to be of any kind of assistance," I said assuringly at which Misako nodded pleased while Michiru only raised her eyebrow as if to say 'Well it didn't quite sound like no problem at all back at the airport.' I gave her a slight shrug in return.  
Heeding his daughter's request, Noriaki stopped his veiled prying, trying to engage me in small-talk instead. "So tell me Tenou-san, has this been the first time you went to America?"  
I nodded, hastily swallowing a bite of food. "And how did you like the country? Would you say it's better than Japan?"  
"We didn't have much time to see the country itself, but it seemed nice enough to me," and to win some brownie points I added, "of course they lack some manners."  
Noriaki gave a boisterous laugh and, satisfied with my answers for the moment, started talking to Michiru while her mother involved me into a little discourse about art. She told me about a gallery she had visited with her husband last week and went on to talk about museums in America, although on the east coast instead of the west coast, that she would like to visit one day. It was easy to see where Michiru got her love for art from and I was happily listening to Misako, only speaking every once in a while.

Dessert was some kind of soufflé, fluffy as a cloud and I couldn't help but think that like in every other department, Michiru's taste was flawless if these were indeed her favourite dishes. When the last plates had been cleared by the elderly woman, the cook I supposed, it had gotten late. Noriaki was the first to rise from his chair, turning to his daughter. "Michiru lets go to my study and you can tell me the details about your business ventures."

"Do you two have to discuss this tonight?" Her mother asked as she, too, stood up. "I thought we had agreed on no business over dinner. We should let Michiru get some rest."

"Yes we had, but dinner is over, so I don't see why I can't show an interest into what our daughter is doing with my corporation, my dear."

"It's alright mother, if father would have been willing to wait, he would have let us fly back to Tokyo first," she assured her mother, then turning back to her father. "I'll be up in a few minutes, I'll just give Tenou-san a quick tour around the house, show him the library if nothing else. Would you like to borrow a book to read to bed?" she asked me. Immediately I nodded. There was no reasonable way for me to push myself into the private talk with her father so I couldn't be of much help to Michiru right now, but getting a few precious minutes alone with her sounded very good to me. As did the prospect of curling up in bed with a good book afterwards.

"Very well. I'll see you upstairs Michiru." Her father responded. Misako looked from her husband to her daughter, by the worried look she gave Michiru I was quite sure she too had noticed the lack of sleep her daughter had recently suffered, still she remained quiet when Noriaki left the dining room.  
Michiru walked around the table to kiss her mother's cheek good night. "Sleep well mother, I'll see you in the morning." Her mother embraced her shortly. "Good night Michiru, don't let your father keep you too long. Good night to you too, Tenou-san."

"Good night Kaiou-san," I said before following Michiru out into the hallway. She pointed out the doors to the kitchen, the living room, the salon where her parents held the occasional party. The hall where my bedroom was held another two guest rooms and the quarters for the staff. Apart from the cook, Michiru told me her parents had also employed a sort of maid who was in charge of keeping the house clean. The gardener however only came once or twice a week, depending on the season. "I wish I could show you the gardens right now," Michiru said beaming as she led me up the staircase, "but it'll have to wait until tomorrow when it's light. Anyway, here's father's pride: the library."  
She opened the first door on the right of the landing. Noriaki had good reason to be proud of his library I thought, three of the four walls where stacked with books, shelfs even framing the ceiling high window, supple chairs with cushions and an enormous couch inviting to read away. Only the wall with the fireplace was not filled by books. "Does it work?" I asked, pointing to the fireplace. Michiru laughed. "No, it's an artificial one. Mother didn't want to have everything altered and reconstructed again when father got the idea that he needed a fireplace in his library shortly before they moved in. This was their compromise."

"It's still lovely," I said appreciatively. "Yes it is. But you should select your book Haruka, I don't want to keep father waiting too long."

I had almost forgotten about that. Quickly I stepped to the neared shelf, browsing the titles and picking out a book by Okuizumi that I didn't know but had an interesting sounding title. When I had selected the novel I asked her.  
"Can I do anything for you before you go to him?"  
Michiru shook her head but moved closer to me. A little hesitantly she put her arms around me and I hugged her back immediately. "I just wish I could go to bed right now, put off telling him of our not completely legal ways."  
"You only started playing dirty when you had no other choice. And if your father condemns you, well, just put the blame on me, tell him you didn't know what I was doing exactly and that you strongly disapproved of my means once you were told afterwards." My hand was doing slow circles on her back and I could feel her warm breath steadily against my shoulder where her head was lying. I wished we could stay longer like that  
"You know that I won't use you as my scapegoat." Michiru said, looking into my eyes. She was right, I knew she wouldn't do that, it just wasn't her style. "But the offer still stands, I said I'd do whatever you needed me to."  
"I know," she simply said, softly, her embrace tightening just the tiniest bit and I the way her eyes shone I knew she thought the same thing as I did, wanted the same thing. So I kissed her, damning morals, things I had concealed from her and parents I might want to impress.  
For a few blissful moments there was only Michiru with her soft lips, kissing me as vigorously as I was kissing her. She slipped her tongue into my mouth and I moaned softly, welcoming her, but Michiru pulled back, ending the kiss. We both knew she had to go, so I stepped back, out of our embrace even though I missed her warm figure pressing against me.  
"I'll see you in the morning?" I asked.  
"Yes, I'll let you see yourself to your room. Good night Haruka."  
"Good night Michiru." It felt good to be able to call her by her first name again. She exited the library as I stayed behind, wondering for a moment, despite the sheer madness of the thought if Michiru would have come to my room at night if I had asked her to.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has taken me ages but this will be the last chapter (minus the epilouge) so if anybody is still reading this - thank you for sticking with me and my more than horrible update schedule. I really, really appreciate each and every one of you, and if you wouldn't like the story, telling me I should update it would have probably ended up as forvever unfinished.
> 
> So prepare for drama and enjoy. The epilogue will be up by the time of Christmas at the latest.
> 
> Song is Paramore – Never Let This Go

  


* * *

_Please don't get me wrong_  
Because I'll never let this go  
But I can't find the words to tell you  
I don't want to be alone

* * *

Breakfast wasn't a full family affair as I had expected, or rather dreaded it, to be. When I entered the dinning room only Misako was sitting at the table, on the same place as last night. The places for Michiru and myself were also set like last night but I noticed that the head of the table was empty. Either Noriaki Kaiou didn't eat breakfast or he had already finished.

"Good morning Tenou-san," Misako greeted me and I returned her greetings. "Did you sleep well?" she asked as the cook came in carrying a tray with toast, coffee, tea and eggs and set them down in front of me. "Thank you, I slept very good. Only coffee please," I said, turning to the cook when she was about to set both pots down on the table. She nodded, put the teapot back on her tray and withdrew as silently as she had appeared. Without meaning to I found myself comparing her to the cook who had been employed at my parents' house, Junko.  
Junko had been much livelier than the Kaiou's employee, she had always chatted to everybody on the table at breakfast, waking one up with her way to make one laugh and she had been affectionate towards me.  
But as I sipped my coffee I told myself it was unfair to compare Junko to this woman, who I didn't know and who didn't knew me either, for all I knew Junko might have been just as reserved around guests at our house.

"Pardon?" I had caught the mention of my name, but I had no idea what had been said, Misako had been talking to me while I had been musing. Misako was about to repeat her words when the door opened and Michiru walked in, looking rested and smiling softly. She took in the empty seat of her father, then walked over to her mother, wishing her a good morning with a kiss to the cheek before she settled down beside me.  
From the way she deliberately would not look at me while she sat down I knew she was aching as much as I did to reach out and touch me in some way. Our hands were resting on the white tablecloth, positioned perfectly next to each other, all we would have to do was reach out. However the cook promptly reappeared with a tray for Michiru so both of us had a distraction in the form of food.

"Where's father?" Michiru asked when she had finished her first piece of toast.  
"He said he had some calls to make, but to tell you he wanted to talk to you some more later. Didn't he keep you long enough last night?" Her mother asked, concern layering her voice. I didn't know how long the conversation between Michiru and Noriaki had been, but from the tone of her mother I guessed it had gone long into the night. Michiru just shrugged her shoulders.  
"He has some questions concerning the details, I imagine, I was too tired to tell him more than the outline of our trip last night. But before I'll report to him, I will show Tenou-san the gardens, I can't be so impolite to leave our guest to himself again all morning."  
Her mother nodded approvingly. "You should show him the garden, the kikyou and the nadeshiko are beautifully in blossom right now."  
"Yes, I was planning to do that."

Once breakfast was over, Misako wished us a good day and withdrew to living room. We finished up another cup of coffee, and when the dishes had been cleared away, as promised, Michiru took me outside. Autumn was showing signs of coming, the air was cooler than it had been in California but the fresh breath of the wind on my face was welcoming.  
Michiru was striding ahead along the side of the building as I lingered a moment to take in the house by daylight. It was rendered in a pale crème colour accentuating the dark wooden front door we had just come through. The upper story sported a row of the same high windows I had seen from inside the library. The windows were framed by the same dark wood as the door. To complete the picture, what little space was left between the house and the walls separating the property from the street was covered with trimmed lawn divided by a cobbled path leading from the house to the gate. A few bushes had been placed with care onto the grass to give the look of being seemingly planted randomly.  
"Are you coming?" Michiru called out, already halfway around the corner as I still stood in front of the house, watching. "Sorry, I was admiring your parents house." Quickly I followed her.

Rounding the corner of the house was almost like stepping into another world, much more colourful than the front yard led to expect. Misako hadn't exaggerated, rows of flowers were planted everywhere, in lively red, yellow and orange, pale pink and violet. The flower patches were separated by low hedges of evergreen shrubbery. "It's beautiful," I breathed out in awe.  
"Yes, isn't it. Mother loves tending to the garden, so father made sure the house had a large one. The flowers are my mother's greatest pride," Michiru said with a fond smile. "The summer flowers are almost all withered by now but I can assure you they were just as beautiful." She took my arm linking it with hers. A path of square stone plates in copperish red was laid throughout the garden which we walked down further into the garden where the flower beets stopped in favour of higher bushes and trees providing ample shadow. From what I had been told her parents had only relocated here about half a year ago, so I was surprised how grown they were already. "Your parents were lucky to find a property with such grown trees."

At this remark Michiru chuckled. "No, actually they weren't here when they bought the plot. Father bought them this grown, he wouldn't tell me how much he had to spend but it was a present to mother for their anniversary."

"That's really sweet," I said, wondering if I could remember such a romantic gesture of my own father towards my mother, maybe it was when I was still a child and didn't pay notice to that. It was truly wonderful to hear about this side of Noriaki Kaiou, knowing that for all his stern demeanour he loved his wife very much.

"He also had this gazebo built, where he said they could have tea in the summer afternoons, but I don't know if they have done that often. Father's still spending too much time with his mind on company matters to really enjoy his retirement. I will show it to you later."

Michiru leaned into me and I put my arm around her, not thinking about being seen in this secluded part of the garden. It was another of those magic moments where nothing outside of the two of us seemed to exist. "I'm glad you came here with me even though I sprung it on you," she said. Impulsively I dropped a kiss on her hair and felt her snuggle a bit closer.  
"I'm afraid I don't think my presence has been of much use to you here." I admitted, but Michiru shook her head. "Just you being here, taking in this sight with me makes me happy."

I wanted to return her words, tell Michiru how happy I was with her, how happy I had been all those past months in her company, but the words wouldn't come. More than ever I wanted Michiru to see the real me, female me and not the part I had grown so proficient at playing, but the odd look she had given me when I had worn the dress in California still haunted me, tying my tongue.

_'You're such a coward Haruka.'_

We had followed the path to its end where the gazebo was standing. "I wish I could sit down with you, enjoy some tea and take in the beautiful day." I felt Michiru pull away with a sigh I might have imagined or not. "But I shouldn't keep father waiting any longer. I'll have a talk with him again and then we can return to Tokyo after lunch."  
Reluctantly I let her slip out of my arm, but reached for her hand just to touch her for a moment longer. She caressed the back of my hand with her thumb. "I trust you'll find something to occupy your time for a while, Haruka?"

"Yes, I'll find something. Go ahead," We stared at each other for a moment, but neither of us made a move. Michiru broke the stare first, turning around as she left back towards the house.

Maybe, I thought I could sit down in the gazebo and read for a while, however I quickly discarded the idea. Knowing it had been a present from Noriaki to his wife made the prospect of sitting there alone seem rather dreary, so instead I walked between the flower patches a bit more. When clouds drew in and the winds freshened up I inhaled the rich scent of the kikyou once again before returning house.  
There was no motion to be seen behind the living room windows up on the terrace, and likewise the hallway was empty when I entered the house, Michiru's mother was nowhere to be seen and Michiru was in all likelihood still in her father's office upstairs. With the only other option being going back to my room to lie down, I climbed the stairs to the first floor where the library was, picking out a book to read and kill the time until lunch.  
It was no use, however, I couldn't concentrate on the letters as my mind kept jumping from the text to Michiru, Michiru and I and how we had ended up here until I was just skimming page after page without getting a grip on the content of the book at all. With a heavy sigh I finally closed the book and got up, intent on returning it to the shelf.

„Tenou-kun." A deep voice boomed behind me.

I turned around upon hearing my name to see Michiru's father standing in the doorway of the library, his expression far more serious than last evening over dinner. „I'd like a word with you, if you could spare the time," he said, the sentence an order not a formal request, beckoning to the hall behind him. „In my study."

„Certainly Kaiou-san." Carefully I put the book back on its allocated place on the shelf and followed him. In silence he led me to his study, down the hall.

I wondered where Michiru might be, when the office was empty as we entered, for she was the one I would have expected to come find me in the library. I wasn't sure if her absence improved or worsened the situation. Noriaki seated himself in a large leather chair behind his heavy wooden desk and pointed to one of the smaller chairs on the other side of the desk. "Have a seat Tenou-kun."

As I obliged a sense of deja-vu came over me from the last time I was in the study of my own father; there was similar large oaken furniture all around, lots of decorum bought to impress and the same atmosphere of a man of power. A man who may be kinder than my own father but no less used to getting his way. With apprehension I waited for him to tell me why he had called me in.

"I want to talk to you about my daughter." He opened the conversation, freezing the blood in my veins.

_'Has he seen us last night?'_ Surely he couldn't have, Michiru and I had been completely alone in the library, not visible to anybody, least of all him as he had been here in his office, waiting for Michiru. However the way he brought the subject up immediately without any pretence of pleasantries, made me consider whether I might have done wrong. Forcing my face to remain as impassive as it could be, I replied in a conversational tone, "What about Mi- Kaiou-san?"

He didn't miss how I almost used her first name and his brows furrowed deeper.

"It has come to my attention that you seem rather close to my daughter. You have not been in the company for a year, yet your name has turned up in conversations with her time and again, she picked you to travel overseas with her instead of a more trusted, long-time companion, somebody more familiar with KaiouKom, " He pursed his lips deprecatingly, showing he would have preferred this 'long-time companion' much more in my place and I couldn't help but see Taneguchi in my mind, guessing she was the one Noriaki had in mind.  
When I kept quiet he went on. "One might say you're simply a diligent employee, rapid advancement like yours is rare but not unheard of," he paused for a moment, fixing me with his glare and I felt my hand twitch, itching to run through my hair, "but now she's even brought you home and I know of no such circumstances where this has ever happened before, so, as her father as well as the former CEO of KaiouKom I have to ask you, what exactly is your deal with my daughter?"  
"I'm her loyal assistant," I said, it was the most harmless thing I could think to say. It wasn't enough. Noriaki still held my gaze, his hands folded together on his desk, waiting for more. I could feel myself starting to sweat.

"I'm all for loyalty," he announced, "it is a valuable trait in ones subordinates, but in the end this is what you are, Tenou-kun, a subordinate."

One of my hands dug into the armrest of my chair as I answered in what was a calm, if a bit pressed voice. "Kaiou-san, I assure you I am perfectly aware of my position in the company."

He just raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Oh is that so? From what I have heard you have overstepped your boundaries quite a few times at some function you accompanied my daughter to."

Suddenly it clicked what he was referring to and who his sources were.  
"Have you only heard Soma-san's account of what has occurred or did you also bother to hear the side of your daughter?" I snarled, pleased to witness Noriaki to loose some colour as I confronted him spot-on about his informant. Sadly, it didn't last long, he didn't let himself be thrown off. "Well, if you speak so frankly Tenou-kun, then there's no need for me to hold back. So just know, that Soma-kun is the son of one of my eldest friends and his word is beyond doubt. He's been in the same circles as my daughter for years, whereas this is not your place to socialise at all. Michiru might cover for you out of a sense of obligation or even believe what you tell her, but Soma-kun saw right through you and what your trying."

"And what would that be, according to your dear Soma-san?" I asked through gritted teeth, even though I could guess where this was going. Kazuki had made it pretty clear the last time we met what he thought of me, as well as Michiru. Too bad he neglected to tell her father about this particular part.

"You're trying to endear yourself to my daughter to further your own career and I will tell you right now to stop it."

I had tried to brace myself, but hearing the accusation from his mouth still stung. I may have had selfish reasons at the beginning but never was it my intention to harm Michiru, even less after I got to know her. "I did no such thing, all I have done in the past was to try and help Kaiou-san to the best of my abilities, the US trip right now was a success because of our combined efforts." I tried to reason with Noriaki, however he brushed the argument aside. "Had Michiru listened to Kazuki, this trip wouldn't have even been necessary. I do not care how good of a worker you are, stop trying to get into my daughter's head – Michiru has plans and her plans for the future do not include you. You are a mere employee without connections and will do her more harm than good, so stay away from my daughter. Otherwise I will have you fired."

My knuckles were white, so hard was I gripping the armrest, trying to contain myself from jumping up at him in the last minutes, but now I rose slowly, looking down on Noriaki and his insufferable behaviour. In an instance he also rose, standing eye to eye with me, but I couldn't take his accusations any longer. Not only was he unjustly denouncing me but also looking down on the woman I loved.

"With all due respect Kaiou-san, I work for your daughter, not you. You made her the CEO and you would do well to trust her as such because she is doing a damn fine job. And whatever her plans for the future are, they should be made by her and not you or people like Soma-san. Good-day."

Finally I had caught him off-guard with my complete disregard of his threat and I left the study, intent on finding Michiru. What exactly I was planning on saying to her I didn't really know, only that I needed to find her.

I was halfway down the stairs when I saw her coming out of the living room. Hearing the footsteps on the stairs Michiru looked up, her eyes locking with mine and we met at the bottom of the stairs. "You look distraught Haruka, is everything alright?" she kept her voice low, but the concern was unmistakeable. "Yes – no, I mean..." I didn't know what to say, even though Noriaki had been controlling and condescending in his speech, it felt wrong to relay everything to Michiru. I didn't feel like I had the right to tell her, when I wasn't able to be honest about myself with her. She must have seen the confusion, for she dragged me into the left hall and through the first door there was. Once the door cut off potential stares Michiru embraced me and my arms automatically wound themselves around her.  
"What's wrong?" she asked again. I didn't answer, instead I buried my face in Michiru's locks, taking in the scent of her shampoo. The familiar smell gave me comfort. Slender fingers brushed through my hair, then cupped my cheek and her thumb graced my lips before Michiru leaned forward to kiss me. "Please don't," I muttered, turning my face away. Her immediate wish to console me, was pouring salt into the wound of my conscious. In this moment I felt more guilty than ever for Noriaki's words had struck me – what if I was really doing more harm than good to her by sticking around.  
Michiru looked confused, her hand still pressed to my cheek. "Why Haruka, I don't understand."

I swallowed, it wasn't easy to tell Michiru this. " Because your father suspects something going on between between us, just now he called me to his office to tell me to stay away from you," I admitted. "He thinks I'm using you to further my career." Michiru shook her head disapprovingly, "I know this isn't true, you'd never do that." She caressed my cheek softly, gingerly I took her hand and entwined our fingers.  
"But still, he said your life has been planned and not with me in it, not in this capacity," I offered guiltily.  
"He doesn't get to dictate with whom I should be." she stated fiercely, "I make my own plans  
It was like looking in a mirror of myself half a year ago, when I had told my father he had no right arranging to marry me off to Tomohito. "No, he has no right, but still -" I broke off, at loss what exactly I wanted to say; I had been leading her on, just not in the way her father had suggested. More than ever I wanted to confess who I really was to Michiru but I had been putting it off for so long that it seemed virtually impossible to me now.

_' You should have stopped this long ago, when you still had the chance.'_

"Still what, Haruka? Please talk to me, did my father say something else?"  
Sadly I shook my head, disentangling myself form our embrace, even thought I immediately missed the warmth and comfort of Michiru's body against mine. "I'm sorry Michiru, but I can't talk right now, I need a little time to think. It'll be best if I leave for Tokyo right now."  
Michiru still looked at me uncomprehending and concerned. "You're not going to let him order you around, are you?"  
"No, I won't." I promised her, "I just need to sort out my thoughts and after the way our conversation ended I think it's best, your father doesn't see me anymore. Tell your mother I'm sorry for missing lunch."

Michiru stepped aside to let me pass. "I will see you in the office tomorrow Haruka?" She asked with the slightest tremble in her voice and I hated myself for making her doubt my feelings for her when this was the only thing I was sure of right now. "Yes, see you tomorrow Michiru."  
Michiru smiled at me.

Back in Tokyo I went down into the parking garage beneath the apartment building where my bike was waiting. I pulled the tarpaulin off the machine, which had kept it safe from dust an dirt. The chrome was still shining as if freshly polished and the varnish as sleek as I remembered it. Taking a ride would really help me clear my muddled thoughts, feeling the wind on my face, experiencing the sensation of flying by. My hand lovingly stroked the handlebars, triggered the brakes. Slowly I gripped both bars and slowly swung a leg over the machine, settling down on the seat, the leather moulding to my thighs.  
It felt good. I sat there for several minutes, bending forward over the panels leaning first to the right, then to left as if I were back on the road, but I couldn't bring myself to start the engine. A sort of phantom ache stung in my chest where my ribs had been broken. I had really thought I was over the accident by now. But apparently I wasn't, even though I wished to ride away and let the wind clear my mind. Sadly I dismounted and threw the tarpaulin back over the bike.

My feet echoed through the garage as I made my way back to the lift. Up on my floor I entered my apartment, which was just as empty as the garage below. Briefly I contemplated calling Asami to either talk with her on the phone or invite her over but decided against it.  
All there was to say on the topic of Michiru and myself had already been said between the two of us. It wouldn't help anything if she repeated her words again, right now I had to come to a decision on my own. Decide what to do and the actually do it for it wasn't fair to either Michiru or myself to let everything continue to happen without being honest.

Since lunchtime had long passed while I had been on the train back from Osaka to Tokyo I wandered into the kitchen to find something to eat. The fridge was pretty empty since I had put all the perishable food away before going to the US. The cupboards weren't stocked well either. Originally I had planned on buying groceries yesterday evening, on the originally settled arrival date. Eventually I settled on brewing a bowl of instant noodles, stocking up the kitchen would have to wait until tomorrow.

The conversations I had this morning replayed in my head while I spooned noodles into my mouth. Noriaki saw me as a bad influence on his daughter, whereas Kazuki apparently saw me as an obstacle to his influence on KaiouKom. They wanted both wanted me gone, at least they wanted me removed from Michiru's side. I didn't know if the plans Noriaki had mentioned included a marriage to Kazuki as I suspected or not, but it didn't matter. After the way he treated Michiru, he had clearly lost his chances with her.  
Michiru, however, had made it clear that she wasn't going to abide by her father's wishes, at least not where they were concerning the emotional parts of her life and I couldn't keep lying to myself anymore, my feelings for Michiru had evolved into more than friendship a long time ago. I laughed at the irony of how Asami had been right from the beginning when she accused me of dating my boss.  
In hindsight I had been deep in denial way too long.  
At first I had probably really been unsure if this was what falling in love felt like but then the coward in me had stepped in, I had chosen my perceived freedom of living as a man on the job over the possibility of revealing my true self. I hadn't meant to fall in love with Michiru, at first I really had wanted to be her friend, but it had happened and although Michiru and I hadn't talked about it, yet, it was save to say she felt something similar for me.  
 _'For the male version of you'_ , I reminded myself bitterly.  
It was obvious what had to be done, I had to tell Michiru the truth and accept whatever the consequences would be. Letting the charade continue wasn't fair to either of us. We were both already in way over our head.

I dropped the empty bowl in the kitchen sink, grabbed my car keys and headed out, before my courage could desert me again.

The clouds had followed the train earlier from Osaka, making it appear almost dusk, even though it was still early in the evening. If Michiru had stuck to her plans, she should have returned from her parents' house by now, however the idea to call her and see if she was indeed home, didn't occur to me until I parked the car outside her apartment building. I fished my cell phone out of my pocket but put it back before pressing the call button. I was going to do the whole thing face to face.

Michiru's voice came through the intercom just seconds after I pressed the bell.

"Who is it?"  
"Michiru, it's me, Haruka. Can I come up?"

"Of course." The buzzer sounded, letting me in.  
When the lift-doors opened on her floor, Michiru was already standing in the half-opened doorway waiting for me. Although my heart was heavy with what might be coming I couldn't help but smile when our eyes met and I saw the smile mirrored on her lips.  
" I didn't think I'd be seeing you again so soon," she said.  
"We need to talk and I thought this would be a better place than the office." Her looks became grave and she moved to let me enter without comment, reached for my jacket and hung it up on the coat rack.

"Do you want something to drink, coffee, tea?" she asked as we walked into her living room. When I declined we both settled down on the couch, Michiru looking at me expectantly. At first I didn't speak, there was no easy way to broach the topic of my gender.  
"How was your trip back to Tokyo?" I started out lamely, not really sure how to begin.

"The trip was okay, it would have been nicer with you by my side though," she winked at me, trying to lighten up the tense atmosphere a little. In moments like this I wondered how dense I had been to not realize my love for her wonderful self sooner.

„I didn't want to cause any more disturbance in your home, than I already did, your father -"  
But Michiru cut me off, "didn't come down for lunch and mother liked you. I simply told her you needed to prepare some folders for tomorrow and left early."

"Thanks for covering for me," I took Michiru's hand in mine and pressed it. Once again I took in how right our hands tangled together felt and took a deep breath.  
"I didn't listen to my own father when he was trying to dictate me my future and I won't listen to yours either. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met, you're gentle and caring, sincere yet tough when business demands it and I don't think you're willing to let the terms of your life set by your family. I want us to stay with each other. So where do we go from here Michiru?"  
My gaze never left her eyes when I told her my words, the best ones I could find yet still felt inadequate, but Michiru didn't seem to mind. She was watching me solemnly, with warm eyes and her thumb was stroking the back of my hand lightly.  
"I told you earlier, I love my father and I respect his experience and his counsel concerning the company but this is my life and my father does not get to say who I date." My breath caught in my throat, this was the first time Michiru had referred to us as something solid, permanent. "And I want you to be with me Haruka. You treat me like we're the same even though there are so many differences between us."  
This was it, the moment I had to cut in and clear up the misconceptions I had let her live with up to now. "Michiru, hold on, this isn't true, we're more alike than you think and I should have told you this long ago, but I couldn't, I was too afraid, afraid you wouldn't like me anymore and that was such a scary prospect for me because I love you," my voice trembled as I spoke these words aloud for the first time. "I loved you longer than I realized and I was afraid of loosing you,"

Gently Michiru disentangled her hands from mine and took my face in both hands, her eyes were a little watery but she looked at my with nothing but joy. "I had hoped that you loved me too Haruka. You're not going to loose me," she whispered before pulling me in for a soft kiss.

Her pliant lips opened for my tongue and she welcomed me into her mouth. Michiru's hands left my face and pulled me closer into a full embrace. I should have pulled away, finished the confession I had come to make, instead I sank into her kiss. It was still astounding how a woman like Michiru could give herself to me like this, even though we had shared several kisses by now. Each one made me tingle all over like the first one.  
Even more so, when Michiru reached for one of my hands, which had been caressing her hip, and drew it up, placing my hand on the swell of her breast. Common sense should have stopped me to take this further step but it was gone, lost in the sensation of not only kissing Michiru but also touching her more intimately than ever before.  
I was so focused on kissing her, on how her soft breast pressed against my hand felt, that I didn't notice Michiru slipping a hand between the buttons into my own shirt. Only when I heard her gasp and felt her rip herself away from me I realized that she had touched the bandages and the curves beneath they tried to conceal. Her reaction was instant, as was my attempt to explain what had been long overdue. "Michiru …" I started but it was too late, the damage was done.  
In moments her face had turned from radiant to shocked, almost horrified.  
"Who are you?"  
"I'm Tenou Haruka," I said meekly, "you're employee and the woman who's in love with you. Please Michiru," I reached for her hand but she scooted back, recoiling from my touch. It hurt like I've been burned to see her retreat.  
"You lied to me," she sounded disbelieving as she breathed it out the first time.

"No, I -"  
"You lied to me from the very beginning, you made me trust you, you made me think you cared for me! What else have you been lying about? You're origin? You're training? You're stories about you're parents?" Her voice rose as she got more agitated while I just sat there helplessly, listening to her accusations.  
"I'm sorry." I said at last. "I never intended for everything to turn out like this. But everything I told you about me was true. I do care about you I was just too afraid to reveal my gender when I started to fall for you."

"I don't believe you anymore Tenou-san." Michiru stared at me as if I was a complete stranger. It hurt worse than if she had actually punched me in the stomach to see her so closed off.

"Michiru …" I tried again but she remained cold. She had shut me out completely, for the first time in months I couldn't read her face at all.  
"Please leave," she stated stiltedly.

There was nothing to do but get up. In a daze I left the apartment while Michiru remained seated on her couch motionless.  
The door fell into its lock with a soft click but it was a booming sound to me and when I heard it the tears started to form in my eyes. The exact thing I had wished to prevent so badly, had taken place.

Outside the building the wind received me with strong gusts and the rain come down when I drove back to my place. But I didn't pay it any attention, my mind had gone numb. When I parked the car in the garage I headed over to where my bike was parked. For the second time on this day I ripped of the tarpaulin, I took out the jacket and the helmet form the compartment beneath the seat and climbed on. Once I brushed away the tears on my face, to have clear view although I knew they would soon obscure my vision again. The engine roared to life and I flapped down the visor, past the point of caring. Feeling numb and hurt at once I just knew that I needed to run. Everything else didn't matter right now.

I had ridden my bike until I ran out of gas sometime after midnight, without the usual feeling of relief I was used to wash over me. No matter how far or fast I drove, there was no escaping the hurt look on Michiru's face. I tried to tell myself once again that I had tried to protect her by keeping quiet all this time, but it was useless, for I knew the one I had really tried to spare was myself. Michiru had proven to Kazuki, to her father, to me, that she didn't need anybody, if she didn't want to.

And now I had hurt Michiru just like they had.  
After a restless few hours in bed Monday morning came. The thought of going to the office was anything but appealing, yet I had no choice. When I got off the elevator on the floor of my office, second cup of coffee for the day in my hand, Taneguchi was exciting my office. Spotting me she stalked over immediately, a haughty look on her face.

"You're late, Tenou-san," she remarked, looking pointedly down on her watch, even though it was only two minutes. "I left you a note on your desk but since you're here now, I am to tell you from Michiru-sama that she is grateful for effort you put in, however, your services will no longer be required." And she added, what I was Michiru had not told her to rely to me. "She will work with her trusted assistant again instead of some upstart."

It was what I had expected, still it pissed me off how smug Taneguchi was about being what must feel like chosen to her to deliver the message to me.

"Thank you for telling me Taneguchi-san," I replied flatly.  
"Listen, Tenou-san. I don't know what you did to Michiru-sama, she wouldn't tell, but she seems everything but happy this morning and you should be glad she is simply letting you out of your duties. You deserve much worse."

I barked out a joyless laugh at that. "You have no idea," I told Taneguchi, brushing past her without another word.  
Sure enough a note in her neat handwriting was placed squarely on my desk, saying the same she had just told me at the elevator. "Good morning, long time no see." Hiroshi greeted me cheerfully. "The secretary was just here for you Tenou. I told her you'd be here any moment, but she didn't want to wait."

"It's alright, I ran into her in the hallway."

"What are you doing boy?" Hiroshi asked, looking up as he heard me pulling open all the drawers and emptying their contents on my desk. I shrugged. "Packing up."  
Although Michiru had not fired me, but only ended my contract as her personal assistant, there was no use in staying. For me there was nothing left to do at KaiouKom. Hiroshi was surprised. "Why, did the old hag drop off your dismissal? Was that why she didn't want to stick around to see you face to face?"

I shook my head, smirking. "No, I think she would have loved to do that actually."

I threw a few more of my things into the bin. "I just think it's time for me to try something new."  
My colleague stared at me for moment, finally he said with a hint of envy, "I'd like to be young again like you, must be nice to be able to just pack and leave when you get bored."

"Well, come with me then," I joked, but he shook his head, laughing  
"My wife would kill me."

I joined in his laughter best as I could and he didn't seem to see the fakeness of it. I thanked him for working with me and to give my regards to his wife, then bid him farewell. He said to keep in touch, but we both we aware that is was just a pleasantry, another person would come to fill my spot and Hiroshi would have coffee breaks with them and trade stories about their weekends and I would be working in another office, doing the same with my new co-workers there.

When the elevator came, opening with a tinkle, I found myself suddenly face to face with Michiru. Both of us were equally startled by the encounter, however Michiru was the first the regain her composure, schooling her face to show nothing at all and without sparing me another glance she brushed past me, down the corridor.  
"Michiru!" I called after her, but she ignored me. If meeting her like this made me leaving KaiouKom any easier I couldn't say. But it did enforce just how much I had destroyed by being a coward.


	20. Epilogue

Song is A New Day Has Come by Celine Dion

* * *

 

  
_Hush, now_   
_I see a light in the sky_   
_Oh, its almost blinding me_   
_I cant believe_   
_If Ive been touched by an angel with love_

* * *

The cherry blossoms had started to bloom all over Tokyo, heralding the coming of spring after a mild but very rainy winter. From the window of my new office I had a good view into the park across the street and I could see a lot of people, families, students on field trips and couples enjoying themselves down there, having a picknick or taking a walk. For a moment my thoughts drifted to Michiru, as they still tended to do ever so often, wondering whether we would've strolled under the shower of petals if we had still been together.  
I sighed, knowing full well that such musings were pointless. I hadn't seen Michiru in person since the day I quit KaiouKom the past autumn; the last image of her back turned on me still lingering painfully on my mind. Only here and there I had read about her in the newspapers, especially when she was able to broker another excellent deal with an American company thanks to her previously established connections. The name of Dreamline had shown up in the article as I noted gladly. It was nice to know helping us had paid off well for Myra, Gregory and their company.  
Asami had chided me more than once for my behaviour, she urged me to stop following the news about her, telling me it wasn't the way to get over her. My friend was right, as usual, but I, as usual, couldn't follow her advice. Not even when she called me a gloomy bore several times.

Nobody had ever made me feel like Michiru and it still hurt to think about what my stupidity had cost me. I knew I should get over Michiru, but the thing was I didn't really want to, nor did I think I could. Not for a long time, in the worst case maybe not ever.  
Asami had asked me to come out with her and her employees a few times, in hopes I might find somebody who would pique my interest and I had gone willingly if only for coming out a bit more, but nobody I met had interested me much. A friend of Asami's male model had asked me out one time on a date, however I shot him down. Afterwards my Asami wanted to know if I'd rather be set up with a woman. I gave the question some thought, then declined. It wasn't about men and women, it was Michiru in her whole complexity as a person which had intrigued me. Somehow the two of us had simply fit together.

"It' fate," I had told Asami. "It's stupid," was her reply. But it couldn't have been mere coincidence that it had been me of all her employees accidentally listening in on her phone conversation last year and then being asked to accompany her.  
I shook my head to clear it of these thoughts, now wasn't the time to dwell on my lost love, not when I had to hand in a plan for the new project to my boss tomorrow. I had switched from accounting to designing the code for websites, databases and the likes. The company was a lot smaller than KaiouKom had been, still I liked my new job. I had been given the leadership of a small desing team within the marketing team without any fuss being made about my gender, the co-workers were nice and my salary was enough to get by comfortably. If all else were to fail I still had the money Michiru had paid me for acting as her companion stored in a bank account. So far I couldn't bring myself to touch it.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in!" I called and Natsume, one of my co-workers entered. She was one year my junior but already married and a mother of one, an adorable boy. In her hands she held a few sheets of paper which she spread on my desk. "These are the prints of the logos we thought of, this one," she pointed at the first sheet to the right, "for the front page, and the rest for the top and bottom of the sub-pages."  
I studied them all briefly, each page with diligent annotations; as always there was nothing to criticize, Natsume was neat and reliable in her work. "Thank you, they look very good."  
The phone rang and with a apologetic look to her, I took up the receiver. "Tenou speaking," I said, waving goodbye to Natsume as she left my office.  
"Hey Haruka," it was Asami on the other end of the line and she sounded excited and agitated. "Would you be terribly offended if I cancelled our dinner plans tonight?"  
"I will starve without your delicious cooking but otherwise I will be fine," I joked. "But seriously, what came up that you can't make it? Some sort of emergency?"  
"Toshi finally asked me out, on a real date! Just the two of us in a fancy restaurant!" Asami practically squealed and I joined in on her happiness although I held the recevier a bit farther away from my ear. "It was about time the guy made a move!"

Toshi, the male model she had gushed about since I had gotten my first suit from Asami, had been a regular to many of our social outings since then and it was painfully obvious to everybody how attracted he and Asami were to each other.  
"I swear it, I was so close to asking him out myself and then he came to the fitting today with my favourite flavour of pockies and wanted to know if I'd like to do dinner with him tonight."  
I laughed, Toshi was good if he knew to woo Asami with pockies, which she was crazy about. "Good for you. So go and enjoy your long-overdue date. Tell me everything about it tomorrow."  
"Of course I will, Haruka."  
"Have fun then. Bye."  
"Thanks. Bye."  
We hung up. I was really happy for Asami, it was more than due that she found herself a happy relationship.

_'Real date, huh. Michiru and I never got around to that...'_

The smallest part of me was a little envious, no matter how glad I was on behalf of my friend, however, Asami being engaged for tonight meant I would have to make my own dinner and I didn't feel much like cooking tonight. Or rather I didn't feel like going to the store to stock up my cupboards. So it was take-out or eating out.  
The air was warm, a shallow breeze coming in from the harbour when I left the office building that evening. It was one of the first nights in week where I didn't need to bundle up and had to draw up my jacket against the cold of the evening, and many other pedestrians shared my feelings, judging by the way the side-walks were clattered with people. Spring had definitely arrived. I decided to leave the car in the parking lot for the time being and take a stroll to find a restaurant for dinner.  
Surprisingly or maybe not, after all the musing about the past today, my steps instinctively led me to the café in the bay area, where I had taken Michiru on our first non work-related meeting. I wondered if this could have been counted as a date when I settled down on a table in the corner. The window-seats with the nice view had all been occupied already at this hour. I ordered coffee and a sandwich when the waiter came. Although the restaurant was packed, it took only ten minutes for my food to arrive. Maybe I should have thought this going to eat alone through some more, I realized after taking the first bite of my sandwich and taking a sip of the coffee. A book or newspaper to read while eating would have been nice, but lacking that I resorted to watching people again.  
As if I hadn't done that enough today already. The sun was sinking slowly, blinding me when I tried to look beyond the customers sitting at the window tables as I finished up my meal. It was time to walk back to my car before it started to get cold again.

Just as I was about to leave the café the door was opened from the outside, the person entering nearly colliding with me. "I'm sorr -" I started to say, stopping halfway, gaping.

Michiru had just been about to enter. We both stopped in our tracks, surprised. Michiru was the first to find her voice again, after giving me a once over with a sharp look.

"I see you still go around confusing people about your gender," she remarked snidely, nodding to the shirt and suit I was wearing.

"No I don't," I replied softly, "if I have learned one thing after my time with you, it is to not hide myself, but I happened to like the look so I kept it. It's comfortable and practical."

Instantly there was a hint of remorse on her features, we both knew it wasn't like her to be so aggressive. "I'm sorry, Tenou-san. That was uncalled for."

"It's alright." Seeing her standing here before me, I took the chance to look at her again properly. It had been too long since I laid eyes on her. Michiru was still every bit as beautiful as on the day I had last seen her six months ago. A little tired as she always did at the end of her work day but otherwise she was the same woman I had fallen for. "You look good." I found myself saying, without really intending to.

"Thank you. But I'm not interested in flattery right now." She was still being brusque, although she should know I didn't really do flattery.

"I didn't mean to flatter, I just had to say it."

Again, we both looked at each other.  
 _'Dammit Haruka, make a move – you don't know whether you will see her again!'_

I steeled myself for the likely rejection of what I was about to suggest, squared my shoulders and said what I hoped would finally clear the air between us. If anything, I needed closure.

"It's been a while since we last saw each other, Kaiou-san, and in there it's pretty crowded, so... would you care to take a coffee to go and go for a walk?" She shot me a sceptical look, but didn't try to just move past me, which I took as a positive sign.  
"I know we haven't parted on the best terms and I can't apologize enough for what I've done but I would like to at least clear the air between us."

Michiru pondered the offer for a moment. Considering how angry and hurt she had been, I was happy she even seemed to give the idea any thought at all. Finally, after what felt like ages, but was at best half a minute, Michiru nodded.

"Get me a coffee and a sandwich, then we can talk. It's been a long day and I'm starving."

"Of course, I'll be right back." I said, turning around to walk back to the bar.

I got myself another cup of coffee as well, if only to have some place other than my coatpockets to put my hands. Heading back out I didn't see Michiru through the door, leaving me thinking she bailed, sending me in just to distract me for the briefest moment, but when I walked out onto the street she was still standing there, leaning against the sill of the shop next door.

"It must be really crowded in there if it took you this long," she remarked, accepting the cup and the bag with her food from my hands. "So Tenou-san, where do you want to walk to?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't really care. Down to the waterfront perhaps?"

She agreed and when slowly started walking. It was awkward as neither of us seemed to know what to say, the silence only being broken be the sound of us sipping the hot coffee every now and then.

"How is -"

"How have -"

We both started to speak at the same time and then closed our mouths in unison. We stopped walking and just looked at each other, then we began to laugh and some of the tension was lifted. When we continued on to the waterfront I tried again. "How is everything at the office, are things running smoothly for you?"

"Everything's fine, Coleman has kept his end of the bargain and Myra's and Gregory's software was a real success." I knew this already but didn't want to appear as if I had been stalking her. I waited but she didn't go into further details or tell something about projects the company had started since then.

"That's good. And what about Kazuki?" I dared to ask. Although I had not been witness to the aftermath of our America trip, I was sure Noriaki would have told his preferred son-in-law all about it, who, in turn, was likely to not take it without making a scene.

Michiru's face, when I mentioned Kazuki's name, turned from at ease with being here to closed off and cold in an instant.  
"I'd rather not discuss him. He has to come to term with things, as we all do." was all she would say between tight lips before she took out a forceful bite of her sandwich. It made me wish I had kept the question to myself but curiosity had gotten the better of me. I tried to apologize for bringing it up, however, Michiru cut me short.

"Tenou-san, this is not what you had said you wanted to talk about. You said you wanted to clear the air between us but all you did so far was make idle chitchat or intrude on personal matters. So why don't you get to the point?"

Confronted point-blank like this I just shrugged my shoulders sheepishly. "I don't even really know what to say," I confessed. "If it would make anything better, I would apologize over and over again for how things between us ended, for the coward I was, but I can't undo it. And I don't regret that I got to know you as the amazing person that you are, nor do I regret that I fell for you. Never before was there a person like you in my life and I can't stop thinking about you."

We had reached the waterfront and instead of walking along the railing like all the people around us did, we had, without agreeing vocally on it, stopped, standing there and facing one another as Michiru listened to me ranting until I ran out of words to say apart from 'forgive me'. I wouldn't ask her to, it wouldn't have been fair to beg for redemption if she wasn't giving it freely.  
"Why did you do it?" she asked finally. "Why did you lie about who you were?"

"I didn't -" I started but caught myself. Over the last months I had come to see that claiming I hadn't lied so much as just not corrected an assumption made, was a justification I used to make myself okay about the situation. But I had come to be honest with Michiru, so I corrected my words. "I didn't to it intentionally at first. I cut my hair when I came to Tokyo, to make a new start and when I turned up to the job interview your father must have assumed from my looks that I was a guy. I was very perplexed when he asked me back then if I had plans for a family of my own."

"But you also didn't correct father:" she said sharply and I lowered my head in shame. Hearing it out of Michiru's mouth made it somehow realer.

"No, I didn't and I can't say how many times I regretted it. But at the time it seemed like a good idea to go with it."

Michiru still looked imploringly, eyes fixated on my face, looking for the answers she needed and deserved. I took a deep breath. "Do you remember how I told you I had a bad accident with my motorbike?"

She nodded.  
"I had always dreamed of becoming a professional, or at least a semi-professional, and my old trainer was convinced I could do it, as was I. But my father had other plans. After I had been studying and racing for all these years he came to me, telling me that he expected me to marry my best childhood friend to facilitate the joining of their two companies. Basically he wanted to turn me into a trophy wife. Shocked and riled up I ended up riding my bike down the road in a heavy rain, knowing full well I shouldn't be out in that weather, which was when the accident happened."

Michiru was looking at me with big eyes as I told her the story which must seem so terrible familiar in parts. It wasn't easy for me to talk about it, but now that the start had been made I knew, I had to pull through, with all the details I could still remember from the accident and the events leading up to it,

"My father wouldn't let up on the idea of me marrying Tomohito and when I told him I didn't want to, he stopped visiting me in the hospital. It was Tomohito who persuaded him to let go of the plans of marriage, that he wouldn't wed me if I was unwilling, even though he loved me. Tomohito's decision my father did respect, but not mine. Instead he forbade me to ever race my bike again and by the time I was discharged from the hospital, he had it sent to the junk-yard." My voice became bitter just thinking back to those last heated arguments I had with my father and how I could not see even the tiniest bit of the dad I had adored in my childhood in the man behind the desk anymore. "He took away the only thing I really loved about my life back then and throwing out my bike was the last straw for me. I walked out of the house and came here. I haven't spoken to my father since then."

I felt a gentle touch on my hand. Michiru put her fingers on the back of my hand. "I'm sorry to hear that. I knew you were at odds with your family but not this much."  
I gave her a sad smile, "You couldn't, I made a point of not talking about it. Not talking helped me not to think about the man my father had become. He wasn't always like that."

Or maybe he was, I thought, and I simply didn't notice it when I was a child, not yet relevant to any business plans he might have.  
"But you see, my own father giving more weight to the decisions of my male friend instead of his own daughter, it made me think that if I lived as a man I might be given more freedom, be allowed to be my own person."

With a self-depreciating grin I finished "In hindsight it was stupid but back then it made sense to me to just go along with the assumption."

Michiru was silent, taking it what I had told her. The touch of her fingertips was long gone. Maybe it was time to break off this meeting. There was no point in torturing myself any longer being win Michiru's presence; I had said my piece and maybe one day she'd forgive me. All there was left was to thank her for hearing me out and go home.

"I see where you coming from, Tenou-san." The words were said slowly, as if she was still trying to put all the pieces together into on picture she had of me, of what we had been. I stayed put, waiting.

"Was it worth it?" Michiru asked.

"What do you mean?" I replied, unsure of what exactly she was going for now. She was staring at my, gaze intent and piercing, pinning me to the spot and not accepting any kind of evasion.  
"You told me right in the beginning how much you needed to be free, I remember, but I want to know, was it worth it? The perceived freedom you got, was it worth living a lie?"

"No." This I didn't even have to think about. "I never felt as happy as when I was with you and my lie destroyed that."

For the briefest moment Michiru smiled at me, the same smile she had given me back when we had been together and my heart leapt. But then she turned to look out at the waterfront where the sun was barely peaking out behind the houses across the bay anymore and the spell was broken.

"It's getting late and cold. We should go back to our cars Tenou-san."

"Of course," I nodded in agreement as we silently started to walk back to the business avenues.  
Without asking I walked Michiru to her car. She did not object which I took as a good sign. At least she would tolerated my presence again.

"Good bye Tenou-san."

"Good bye, Drive safely."

I ran a hand through my hair. "Thank you, for hearing me out Kaiou-san."  
She paused, holding the open car door in her hand and we just looked at each other. I could hear Michiru suck in a breath before the words fell from her lips. "To be honest, I could never quite stop thinking about you, too" she admitted, then getting in the car and shutting the door without another word.

It took me a moment to let the words sink in, standing there on the side-walk, staring after her car as it got swallowed in the traffic. The most glorious feeling bloomed in my chest and a big smile spread across my face.

This was what a second chance felt like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So this is it. It's finished and it took much longer than it should have. Someone commented on the last chapter that it felt rushed - it wasn't my intention to come of like that. From the beginning I wanted to write a lovestory that didn't have a happy ending, I wanted the whole thing to blow up in their face, because to me a relationship founded on a lie can't work nor is it healthy. Now I know gender is fluid, as is gender expression, but in mind for this story Michiru had considered herself heterosexual because so far she hadn't encountered any women who interested her (I always got the vibe from the anime she might have some bisexual tendencies). So Michiru thinks she is dating a man and though Haruka still turns her on in a dress (which makes her a bit uncomfortable at that point but will later lead her to question her orientation) she has no cause to believe different. Finding out Haruka lied about her gender makes her question what else she has been lied to about in the past months. Haruka may say everything else was real but she can't prove it to Michiru and Michiru feels betrayed so her initial reaction is to push it all away, the relationship as well as Haruka, so she can work on getting on with the hurt.  
> At one point I was considering writing a chapter from Asami's or Tomohito's POV but then changing the POV for one chapter, show them intervening trying to help the relationship along and/or being surprised when they found Michiru's still in the dark about Haruka being a woman. However, it wouldn't have felt organic, as would have changing to Michiru for one chapter to show her side of the aftermath, so I decided against it. This was Haruka's story.  
> I couldn't bear to let them be completely separated, however, they belong together, therefore they will now have to work hard to re-establish the connection and the trust they had. It's not a happy ever after but the chance for a happy ending.
> 
> Thank you so, so much for reading!  
> Merry Christmas
> 
> Leaf


End file.
